Just posting an email I sent to my baby months ago... :D
hi baby!
i know you are hard at work right now and there seems to be so much to do there. but let me steal a moment of your time so you can read this email. dont be nervous im not going to break up with you. not via email atleast. joke! im never breaking up with you. :D
you remember you would ask yourself why you are so sensitive towards me about a lot of things? i think i kinda know why. you see, i was in your position so many times before. i've been the sensitive one, the needy one, the clingy one in those relationships where i didnt really feel loved as much as i hoped for. those times i prayed to God that i want the time to come that someone would be sensitive to my needs and wants, that someone who would be needy towards me, someone that would be clingy to me. lo and behold, i got you. you do to me the things i used to do to those who didnt really made an effort to make me feel loved inspite of me giving my all. yes, i got an answered prayer and that's you. but most of the time, i feel like im being unfair to you. i wanted someone so much that would do to me as i used to do to others that i tend to forget that you deserve my all more than anyone of them. i was too lost in the notion that i needed to feel the things i have not felt that i couldnt open my eyes to the posibility of me doing those things again. i felt like im doing things on a minimal level, scared that if i will go on a full throttle, i might crash and burn. unfair aint i? i just want to say sorry that it took me all these months to realize this. forgive me for not giving as much as you want. but it did not mean i loved you less than any one of them. its just that the efforts were lacking.
it also dawned on me these past few days why i would always get mad whenever you would try to control me and change me. its not that you really did it. its just that most times, it felt like you were doing so. you wanted me to lessen this and that, to be more like this and that. i never wanted to be controlled because it never really dawned on me what it truly means to love someone and be loved as much in return. you know that most of those guys did not really love me as much as you do so most of them did not really care enough to put me in my right position and to tell me when im already being a pain in the ass. but you do, and most of the time, i tend to look at it as a nagging need to change me. forgive me for feeling those things? please do. it was only this week that i felt like changing for you is not a burden but a delight. it started when i went to the fort, met with gelo and did not even bother to give him a bear hug like we used to do. it surprised me yes, not only because i did not hear any reminder from you not to be too touchy when you know that il be meeting up with a good guy friend, but also because it felt like something i voluntarily did.
i hope in time i get to be what i really should be for you, without feeling pressured to do so. i hope i get to be able to take care of our relationship pretty well so that someday, when our ghosts and skeletons in the closet came running after us, we wouldnt give up the relationship we built not only for us but for the sake of our kids.
i love you so much... much more than life itself. you taught me how to really love, and you made me feel loved in its fullest extent. i love you, i know you know this already but i will never get tired of saying that to you. you are my God's best, my soulmate, my bestfriend, my husband to be, my answered prayer, my love.
sige na go back to work na. :D
Yani's Canaan... blogs and stories about God, Relationships, Life and Love.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Going Back to January...
Ever since I became a Christian, I've always looked forward to January because I'm so excited for the annual Prayer and Fasting at church. Last year, I had a very wonderful time seeking God and hearing from Him answers to my prayers. And last year, He answered all my prayer goals. This year, I was so excited to seek Him. Until...
I got a call from someone. He told me that the baby I was helping, the one I was raising funds for, died already. That time I got the information, I went numb. I was shocked. Speechless. How can the baby die if the group I left was able to raise half the amount needed? I tried to answer the questions on my mind but there are no answers I can think of. All I can think of was I was a failure as a leader. I led the team to raise funds yet when we were nearing the project's end, I dropped out of it. I was already losing faith that we were able to get the amount needed and the head of the mission team told me we need to hustle up. If there's a need not to sleep just so we can finish it, we should he said. But I know I cannot do that. At that time, I recently resigned from a workplace that I consider an extension of hell on earth, and my finances arent really that good. I would go to our every week activity with only 200 pesos in my pocket. 150 pesos from that amount is how much my fare is from home to the place then back home. So that left me with just 50 pesos for food. Those times, I experienced eating at odd places in Makati just so I can budget my remaining money. When I couldnt take it all anymore, I sat down one day and just talked (ranted) and prayed to God. I cant remember the exact Bible verse He gave me but he told me to stop and trust His power. So I decided to stop, drop out from the project and just do the best I can do at that time - intercede for the baby and the project. People told me back then that the general rule in saving other people is to save yourself first. You cannot help others if you are in danger. And at that time, I know my health and my pocket is already at risk.
When I found out that the baby died, I couldnt help but blame myself. Had I not drop out the mission, he would have been able to go to Taiwan to have his operation. We would have sent him there complete with all the funds they need. And the cranes we made for him would have been waiting for him when he gets home. But the cranes would no longer wait for someone. The little angel that was my reason to wake up every everyday from July to October is no longer on earth.
I BLAMED MYSELF. And I QUESTIONED GOD. And up to now, I still dont know why the baby died. I still dont know if it was really God who told me to stop and drop the mission because He wants me to focus on Him because I've been neglecting quiet times with Him those days that I would be focused on the fundraising. Or was it just my inner self telling me that I was already burnt out from the mission, Ian's constant nagging about me not doing enough, and my depressing lack of finances that time.
Six months after, tonight, a good friend of mine crossed my mind and I had the urge to check his facebook wall. He helped with the fundraising by the way. He was always there every week to play the piano for the guests. When I saw his wall, I found out that he died already last January. That fact told me that I lost two people close to me that month. After finding out that he died, the baby crossed my mind and I searched for his mom's name on facebook. That's when I came across an article about her and the baby. http://globalbalita.com/2011/why-did-pcso-let-11-month-old-boy-die-by-refusing-to-give-the-pledge-for-liver-transplant/
The article answered my questions about the baby's death. But still a part of me thinks I have not done enough for him and for his mother. And the feelings I felt that day that I found out that the baby's dead came back creeping inside me, my heart breaking for the mom and for the little angel who was not able to see how life can be so good. Do I still question God? I dont know. Maybe I still do. But there are things about God that I will never really understand and that He will never really make sense at all times but all I can do now is to wait for my turn to get to heaven and ask Him, "God, why did you take Raphael away from his mom?"
To baby Raphael, I'm sorry for leaving the mission so abruptly. I wasnt even able to say goodbye. I'll see you when I get to heaven okay? I know right now, you're looking after your mom as her new angel. Again, I'm sorry I wasnt able to get you to Taiwan for your operation. I'm really sorry.
I got a call from someone. He told me that the baby I was helping, the one I was raising funds for, died already. That time I got the information, I went numb. I was shocked. Speechless. How can the baby die if the group I left was able to raise half the amount needed? I tried to answer the questions on my mind but there are no answers I can think of. All I can think of was I was a failure as a leader. I led the team to raise funds yet when we were nearing the project's end, I dropped out of it. I was already losing faith that we were able to get the amount needed and the head of the mission team told me we need to hustle up. If there's a need not to sleep just so we can finish it, we should he said. But I know I cannot do that. At that time, I recently resigned from a workplace that I consider an extension of hell on earth, and my finances arent really that good. I would go to our every week activity with only 200 pesos in my pocket. 150 pesos from that amount is how much my fare is from home to the place then back home. So that left me with just 50 pesos for food. Those times, I experienced eating at odd places in Makati just so I can budget my remaining money. When I couldnt take it all anymore, I sat down one day and just talked (ranted) and prayed to God. I cant remember the exact Bible verse He gave me but he told me to stop and trust His power. So I decided to stop, drop out from the project and just do the best I can do at that time - intercede for the baby and the project. People told me back then that the general rule in saving other people is to save yourself first. You cannot help others if you are in danger. And at that time, I know my health and my pocket is already at risk.
When I found out that the baby died, I couldnt help but blame myself. Had I not drop out the mission, he would have been able to go to Taiwan to have his operation. We would have sent him there complete with all the funds they need. And the cranes we made for him would have been waiting for him when he gets home. But the cranes would no longer wait for someone. The little angel that was my reason to wake up every everyday from July to October is no longer on earth.
I BLAMED MYSELF. And I QUESTIONED GOD. And up to now, I still dont know why the baby died. I still dont know if it was really God who told me to stop and drop the mission because He wants me to focus on Him because I've been neglecting quiet times with Him those days that I would be focused on the fundraising. Or was it just my inner self telling me that I was already burnt out from the mission, Ian's constant nagging about me not doing enough, and my depressing lack of finances that time.
Six months after, tonight, a good friend of mine crossed my mind and I had the urge to check his facebook wall. He helped with the fundraising by the way. He was always there every week to play the piano for the guests. When I saw his wall, I found out that he died already last January. That fact told me that I lost two people close to me that month. After finding out that he died, the baby crossed my mind and I searched for his mom's name on facebook. That's when I came across an article about her and the baby. http://globalbalita.com/2011/why-did-pcso-let-11-month-old-boy-die-by-refusing-to-give-the-pledge-for-liver-transplant/
The article answered my questions about the baby's death. But still a part of me thinks I have not done enough for him and for his mother. And the feelings I felt that day that I found out that the baby's dead came back creeping inside me, my heart breaking for the mom and for the little angel who was not able to see how life can be so good. Do I still question God? I dont know. Maybe I still do. But there are things about God that I will never really understand and that He will never really make sense at all times but all I can do now is to wait for my turn to get to heaven and ask Him, "God, why did you take Raphael away from his mom?"
To baby Raphael, I'm sorry for leaving the mission so abruptly. I wasnt even able to say goodbye. I'll see you when I get to heaven okay? I know right now, you're looking after your mom as her new angel. Again, I'm sorry I wasnt able to get you to Taiwan for your operation. I'm really sorry.
The Cinderella Complex
(because of the most recent controversy involving my blogs, let me just say this again and again, my blogs are not about a certain person. my blogs are a mirror of my everyday dealing with different people. Girls who are in the wrong relationships, girls who cant move on, girls who cannot let go of relationships that should have been let go. There are a whole lot of other girls in my web of life and my blogs shouldnt be focused on one alone. Given that I have blogged about her once to stop the rumors involving the 2 of us, the most controversial one I should say, it shouldnt mean that everything is always about her after that. just a disclaimer for everyone. oh and for that, i dont think I deserve to be called a JERK by one of her friends. besides, JERK is a term for men, not for women.)
Late 2008, while I was on the phone with comedian Tado Jimenez, he mentioned the term Cinderella Complex. Upon Google-ing information about the term Cinderella Complex, I decided to have that for my college thesis. I was a Mass Communication student and at first my professors were doubtful of how I will include a psychological term on a thesis for Mass Communication. But we pulled it off (I've got 2 teammates, Sunshine and Erika). The title of our thesis was, The Effects of Television Programs on the Cinderella Complex of Women ages 17-21.
Now years after I have read the book by Colette Dowling, researching about the said complex, making surveys and writing the conclusion based on every document that we found, here I am writing about the Cinderella Complex again. This time, to retract my thoughts about the thesis basing my thoughts this time from the Bible.
The Cinderella Complex - The Cinderella complex was first described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book on women's fear of independence, as an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others, based primarily on a fear of being independent. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grows older.
Colette Dowling attempts to define women as being motivated by an unconscious desire to be taken care of as a fear of independence termed "Cinderella complex". An important aspect of the work can be defined as identifying an aspect of a larger phenomenon as to why women choose to stay in dysfunctional relationships.
This phenomenon can be defined as a syndrome characterized by a series of specific motivations or causes. Dowling identifies only one motivation, while the syndrome is in fact a combination of many motivations, which are in themselves characteristics that make up a complex.
The term syndrome has been largely used to define conditions apparent in medicine. However, in recent decades the term has been used outside of medicine to refer to a combination of phenomena seen in association.
I would want to share my conversations via email with the author herself Colette Dowling but I have lost accessed with my email account because the thief who stole my iPod Touch changed my password and I have not gained access to it anymore. In that thread of email, she explained further the complex that she authored. So despite of my want to give you her side of the spectrum, you're stuck with information straight from the internet, and not from the author herself.
Before we go to the main topic which is the complex itself, let us find out first about the character from whom the complex was named after. Who is she?
Cinderella. She is from a folk tale embodying a myth-element of unjust oppression/triumphant reward. Thousands of variants are known throughout the world. The title character is a young woman living in unfortunate circumstances that are suddenly changed to remarkable fortune. The word "Cinderella" has, by analogy, come to mean one whose attributes are unrecognized, or one who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect.
There are many versions of Cinderella, or should I say, Cinderella was derived from different stories around the globe but only 3 are popular versions of it. Cenerentola, Cinderella and Aschenputtel. The most popular is Charles Perrault's version which is the one adapted by Disney for their Cinderella movie.
Now that we have defined the complex and the main character, let's discuss the complex.
The Cinderella complex can be simplified as the FEAR OF INDEPENDENCE. Psychology says women have the strong NEED to be SAVED. We women have always been tagged as DAMSELS in DISTRESS and that we need a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR to come and save us. This need goes two ways. For some women, they tend to be so needy, so clingy, so emotional, and so fragile. But for some women, they would opt for the other side of the spectrum. They would tend to be too strong, too stiff, too caught up in work that they have no time to socialize, too legalistic about things, and simply too much to handle for the people around them. But do not be fooled by these women says Dowling. They are not really who they are. On the inside, they are trying to hide their need to be taken care of, the fear to be independent.
On my thesis, based on the surveys, the TV programs (telenobelas to be exact, the likes of Pangako Sa'yo, Marimar, Mula Sa Puso etc.) are nurturing the need of women for a savior. For someone to come and carry them off to paradise so that they wont have to face their problems anymore. Most of our respondents are wishing for an Angelo Buenavista(Pangako Sayo lead role portrayed by Jericho Rosales) to come in a red car, sweep them off their feet and fight for his love for them. Or for a Fernando Jose to get them out of their misery and marry them. Most of our respondents are wishing for a fairy tale romance. One wherein they would be saved.
What was sad about the result of that survey is that most young women, those studying in the University Belt area, would rather stick in dysfunctional and abusive relationships just because they are hoping that these men will be able to someday save them.
When we were done with the thesis, I have concluded that TV shows have really nurtured that need and women who feed off from these TV shows are really not helping themselves and their Cinderella complex. Back then, I was for the eradication of the complex. I did not want women suffering from this complex because for me, women should never be fearful of being independent, of being free and that they should never count on someone to save them.
But guess what, a year after I have closed the book on Cinderella complex, my hands found another book and my eyes could not stop from reading the words on that book. It is entitled Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's soul. (I have blogged about it before you can check my blog Are You Beautiful? for further details.) I found out that the so-called Cinderella complex that Dowling wrote about is rooted deep within ever woman's heart not because it should be a weakness but because the need to be saved is part of a something greater.
A woman's heart is a portion of God's. In it, He placed a part of Himself while a part of Himself, he also put into man. The book Captivating says there is a longing in every woman's heart to be saved, to be rescued. In the book Wild at Heart by the same author, it says that in every man's heart is the need to save and rescue the princess. Both of these needs are from God. The need in a man is a mirror of who God is. He longs to save us, to rescue us and just to take care of us. He loves us that much. The need in a woman's heart is a mirror of another side of God, the one that wants us to search for Him, to seek Him and to be longed for by us.
So am I still for the eradication of the Cinderella complex? No. There is no need to eradicate that need in women. We just have to have our needs filled up by the one true source of everything - God. He placed that need and longing in our hearts so that we will always seek Him, search for Him and love Him all of our days.
Jeremiah 29:13-14
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
Late 2008, while I was on the phone with comedian Tado Jimenez, he mentioned the term Cinderella Complex. Upon Google-ing information about the term Cinderella Complex, I decided to have that for my college thesis. I was a Mass Communication student and at first my professors were doubtful of how I will include a psychological term on a thesis for Mass Communication. But we pulled it off (I've got 2 teammates, Sunshine and Erika). The title of our thesis was, The Effects of Television Programs on the Cinderella Complex of Women ages 17-21.
Now years after I have read the book by Colette Dowling, researching about the said complex, making surveys and writing the conclusion based on every document that we found, here I am writing about the Cinderella Complex again. This time, to retract my thoughts about the thesis basing my thoughts this time from the Bible.
The Cinderella Complex - The Cinderella complex was first described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book on women's fear of independence, as an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others, based primarily on a fear of being independent. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grows older.
Colette Dowling attempts to define women as being motivated by an unconscious desire to be taken care of as a fear of independence termed "Cinderella complex". An important aspect of the work can be defined as identifying an aspect of a larger phenomenon as to why women choose to stay in dysfunctional relationships.
This phenomenon can be defined as a syndrome characterized by a series of specific motivations or causes. Dowling identifies only one motivation, while the syndrome is in fact a combination of many motivations, which are in themselves characteristics that make up a complex.
The term syndrome has been largely used to define conditions apparent in medicine. However, in recent decades the term has been used outside of medicine to refer to a combination of phenomena seen in association.
I would want to share my conversations via email with the author herself Colette Dowling but I have lost accessed with my email account because the thief who stole my iPod Touch changed my password and I have not gained access to it anymore. In that thread of email, she explained further the complex that she authored. So despite of my want to give you her side of the spectrum, you're stuck with information straight from the internet, and not from the author herself.
Before we go to the main topic which is the complex itself, let us find out first about the character from whom the complex was named after. Who is she?
Cinderella. She is from a folk tale embodying a myth-element of unjust oppression/triumphant reward. Thousands of variants are known throughout the world. The title character is a young woman living in unfortunate circumstances that are suddenly changed to remarkable fortune. The word "Cinderella" has, by analogy, come to mean one whose attributes are unrecognized, or one who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect.
There are many versions of Cinderella, or should I say, Cinderella was derived from different stories around the globe but only 3 are popular versions of it. Cenerentola, Cinderella and Aschenputtel. The most popular is Charles Perrault's version which is the one adapted by Disney for their Cinderella movie.
Now that we have defined the complex and the main character, let's discuss the complex.
The Cinderella complex can be simplified as the FEAR OF INDEPENDENCE. Psychology says women have the strong NEED to be SAVED. We women have always been tagged as DAMSELS in DISTRESS and that we need a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR to come and save us. This need goes two ways. For some women, they tend to be so needy, so clingy, so emotional, and so fragile. But for some women, they would opt for the other side of the spectrum. They would tend to be too strong, too stiff, too caught up in work that they have no time to socialize, too legalistic about things, and simply too much to handle for the people around them. But do not be fooled by these women says Dowling. They are not really who they are. On the inside, they are trying to hide their need to be taken care of, the fear to be independent.
On my thesis, based on the surveys, the TV programs (telenobelas to be exact, the likes of Pangako Sa'yo, Marimar, Mula Sa Puso etc.) are nurturing the need of women for a savior. For someone to come and carry them off to paradise so that they wont have to face their problems anymore. Most of our respondents are wishing for an Angelo Buenavista(Pangako Sayo lead role portrayed by Jericho Rosales) to come in a red car, sweep them off their feet and fight for his love for them. Or for a Fernando Jose to get them out of their misery and marry them. Most of our respondents are wishing for a fairy tale romance. One wherein they would be saved.
What was sad about the result of that survey is that most young women, those studying in the University Belt area, would rather stick in dysfunctional and abusive relationships just because they are hoping that these men will be able to someday save them.
When we were done with the thesis, I have concluded that TV shows have really nurtured that need and women who feed off from these TV shows are really not helping themselves and their Cinderella complex. Back then, I was for the eradication of the complex. I did not want women suffering from this complex because for me, women should never be fearful of being independent, of being free and that they should never count on someone to save them.
But guess what, a year after I have closed the book on Cinderella complex, my hands found another book and my eyes could not stop from reading the words on that book. It is entitled Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's soul. (I have blogged about it before you can check my blog Are You Beautiful? for further details.) I found out that the so-called Cinderella complex that Dowling wrote about is rooted deep within ever woman's heart not because it should be a weakness but because the need to be saved is part of a something greater.
A woman's heart is a portion of God's. In it, He placed a part of Himself while a part of Himself, he also put into man. The book Captivating says there is a longing in every woman's heart to be saved, to be rescued. In the book Wild at Heart by the same author, it says that in every man's heart is the need to save and rescue the princess. Both of these needs are from God. The need in a man is a mirror of who God is. He longs to save us, to rescue us and just to take care of us. He loves us that much. The need in a woman's heart is a mirror of another side of God, the one that wants us to search for Him, to seek Him and to be longed for by us.
So am I still for the eradication of the Cinderella complex? No. There is no need to eradicate that need in women. We just have to have our needs filled up by the one true source of everything - God. He placed that need and longing in our hearts so that we will always seek Him, search for Him and love Him all of our days.
Jeremiah 29:13-14
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
Monday, July 11, 2011
MOVE!
spending the half of my monday at home made me read a lot of blogs by men of God who writes good and sensible blogs about almost anything from God, family, friendships and of course the most popular topic of all time - LOVE. while i was browsing Sean Si's blog page, I chanced upon his blog:
So when we are having a hard time moving on and letting go, remember that HOLDING ON TO RELATIONSHIPS THAT HAVE BEEN ENDED BY GOD MEANS:
When you Surrender a Relationship… http://h3sean.com/relationship-surrender/
It was a really good read and I was inspired to write my own version of it. So here goes something.
Moving on - not the easiest thing to do because you have invested so much time and effort to make the relationship work. You have invested emotions and that very big word LOVE. Hey, I've had so many failed relationships in the past and MOVING ON is not really alien to me. In fact, moving on and me are the best of friends. Being a born-again Christian did not exempt me from heartbreaks and moving on. In fact, one of the worst heartbreaks I got was when I was already a born-again Christian. Moving on wasnt that easy as well. In fact, it took me a year to really finally move on. And I have just really moved on when I met the one God has created to be my God's best, my partner in life, my soulmate. For others, moving on take years while for others, 3 months can be it. Nonetheless, moving on should be a decision we make for ourselves and not for others.
In his blog, Sean Si said "There are times in our lives when we don’t trust God enough with a certain relationship we’re holding on so tightly to. We think God can never bring it back again. And we think that God isn’t able to write our love story as much as we are able to." I agree to that statement. So here are my take about NOT moving on and STILL holding on.
Holding on means WE DON'T TRUST GOD. When God says, "Let go." and we say "God, will you give him back?", it is our way of telling Him, "God, I dont trust your plans for me. I dont trust in your power to give me the best."
Holding on means DISOBEYING GOD. When God says, "Let go." and we say, "God, NO! He is the one I want to be with. I love him so much.", it is a way of DISOBEYING the God you call LORD.
46 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?"
Holding on does not only hurt us but it also hurts the other party. By holding on, we burden the other party with guilt because he/she hurt us by leaving us.
Holding on does not only hurt us but it also cause problems for the other party's new relationship. If the other person is already in a Godly relationship with the right person, our holding on can only cause trouble in paradise. It doesnt mean that the new partner is not secure of the relationship but who wants to deal with annoying EXs who just wont stop holding on right? I'm pretty sure, when we get the right and Godly relationship that we have prayed to have, we wouldnt want to deal with annoying EXs who are still holding on to our partner. Stop whatever you are doing and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Do we want our partner's EX girlfriend/boyfriend to continue holding on? Do we want our partner's EX to continue bugging the two of you with issues about him/her not being able to move on? Do we want our partner's EX to cling on and struggle with you that she/he should be in your place and that she/he should be the one with your partner because according to her/him, your partner was created for her/him?
So when we are having a hard time moving on and letting go, remember that HOLDING ON TO RELATIONSHIPS THAT HAVE BEEN ENDED BY GOD MEANS:
WE DONT TRUST GOD, WE DISOBEY HIM, AND WE HURT THEIR PRESENT GIRLFRIENDS AND FUTURE SPOUSES.
:)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
a letter to my future daughter...
today is July 3, 2011 and I just had the most hurtful yet refreshing morning. after all these years, i was finally able to say most of the things i wanted to say.
i've been wanting to write an open letter to my future daughter but i never got the chance to sit down and write it down... so here i am, facing the laptop, typing away words that i hope someday, my daughter will be able to appreciate.
To my dearest future daughter Lian Chasity,
Let me start by saying I am sorry. Sorry for all the mistakes I have committed to you and to your dad. I am not the world's most perfect woman nor will I be the best mother in the world. But as you read this letter, I hope I have fulfilled the promise I have made to myself years ago. That you will never be void of a complete family just as I had been. I hope that as you read this letter, your dad and I are still together and still in love as the day God put the two of us together. I'm pretty sure you have heard the story of how God wrote my love story with your dad and I hope that you will always be inspired to wait for that God-written love story that God has prepared to be yours in HIS perfect time. If there is one thing that I never told your dad yet (I'm pretty sure the moment I publish this blog, he'll know), it was one of my prayers to God. When I was asking for my God's best, the one I will marry, aside from the list that I wrote of the traits and characteristics I want in a man, I prayed to God to give me a godly man who will never leave me nor my children. I prayed for someone who will always be patient and understanding if ever I get so nasty, mean or unreasonable just so that there will never come a point in your life where you will blame me that you grew up without a complete family.
Yani, my dearest baby, here I am praying that when you finally decided to get married, you will get married because you are in love and loved and that you wish to start your own family based on the overflowing love that you feel. Not just because you want to escape from home, leave every painful things behind and just escape from us. I hope that as you read this letter, you are not committing the mistakes of the generations before you. I love you my Lian Chasity and I know your daddy loves you too.
Mommy Yani
(Lian is from my name Gillian. Lian means lotus which symbolizes purity. It is also the name of my favorite author Lian Hearn whose full name is Gillian. Chasity is a name that Jeremy got from God. It means chaste and pure.)
(photo from google)
i've been wanting to write an open letter to my future daughter but i never got the chance to sit down and write it down... so here i am, facing the laptop, typing away words that i hope someday, my daughter will be able to appreciate.
To my dearest future daughter Lian Chasity,
Let me start by saying I am sorry. Sorry for all the mistakes I have committed to you and to your dad. I am not the world's most perfect woman nor will I be the best mother in the world. But as you read this letter, I hope I have fulfilled the promise I have made to myself years ago. That you will never be void of a complete family just as I had been. I hope that as you read this letter, your dad and I are still together and still in love as the day God put the two of us together. I'm pretty sure you have heard the story of how God wrote my love story with your dad and I hope that you will always be inspired to wait for that God-written love story that God has prepared to be yours in HIS perfect time. If there is one thing that I never told your dad yet (I'm pretty sure the moment I publish this blog, he'll know), it was one of my prayers to God. When I was asking for my God's best, the one I will marry, aside from the list that I wrote of the traits and characteristics I want in a man, I prayed to God to give me a godly man who will never leave me nor my children. I prayed for someone who will always be patient and understanding if ever I get so nasty, mean or unreasonable just so that there will never come a point in your life where you will blame me that you grew up without a complete family.
Yani, my dearest baby, here I am praying that when you finally decided to get married, you will get married because you are in love and loved and that you wish to start your own family based on the overflowing love that you feel. Not just because you want to escape from home, leave every painful things behind and just escape from us. I hope that as you read this letter, you are not committing the mistakes of the generations before you. I love you my Lian Chasity and I know your daddy loves you too.
Mommy Yani
(Lian is from my name Gillian. Lian means lotus which symbolizes purity. It is also the name of my favorite author Lian Hearn whose full name is Gillian. Chasity is a name that Jeremy got from God. It means chaste and pure.)
(photo from google)
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
"kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto palaging merong paraan"
tonight, i found myself listening to this memorable song that someone sang to me while he was waiting for his flight to doha for a gig. tonight it was raining so hard, just like the first night we went on a date. or should i say, just like most of our dates.
while i said in one of my older blogs that i wont blog about him anymore, pardon me in doing so. yes, this is another blog wherein i mentioned my goliath. or should i say, it is about the song he sang for me and thoughts about relationships related to the song.
the song is tagalog in language. it's title means sleepyhead. i can still remember it clearly. it was june 9, 2009 and he was in the airport, waiting for the whole band to arrive for their scheduled flight bound for doha. he asked me if he can just sing me the song over the phone, before he leaves. i said yes and indeed, he sang me my favorite part of the song. just to give you an idea, here's the lyrics of the song:
iniwan ka na ng eroplano
okay lang baby wag kang magbago
dito ka lang humimbing sa aking piling
antukin
kukupkupin na lang kita
sorry wala ka ng magagawa
mahalin mo na lang ako ng sobra sobra
para patas naman tayo diba
(chorus)sasalubungin natin ang kinabukasan
ng walang takot at walang pangamba
tadhana'y merong trip na makapangyarihan
kung ayaw may dahilan
kung gusto palaging merong paraan
pinaiyak ka ng manghuhula
hindi na raw tayo magkasamang tatanda
buti na lang merong langit na nagtatanggol sa
pag-ibig na pursigido't matiyaga
(chorus)
long as we stand as one
ano man ang ating makabangga
nothing will ever break us
wala talaga as in wala
(chorus)
kung gusto, hahalikan na lang natin
ang kinabukasan ng buong loob
at yayakapin pa
tadhana'y mejo overrated kung minsan
kung ayaw may dahilan
kung gusto palaging merong paraan
gumawa na lang tayo ng paraan
gumawa na lang tayo ng... (baby)
gumawa na lang tayo ng paraan.
the song caught my ears and attention today because it got me thinking of its lines "kung ayaw may dahilan kung gusto palaging merong paraan". let me relate it to relationships. if the person wants to stay, he will stay right? he will move heaven and hell just to stay with you and he will do everything to make you stay as well. but if the person does not want to stay anymore, we cannot move heaven and hell just to make him stay. he will always have a reason to leave and we cannot contend with those reasons.
but what if, just what if, he wanted to stay but there is a being bigger and greater and mightier than him who wants him to stay... AWAY. what if, him leaving wasnt of his own volition but a command from the One who created him... and you. what if it was God, with all His power, might and love for the two of you, who told him, "Son, leave her alone. Leave her in My hands and trust My plans for both of your lives.". would you get mad at God or would you get mad at him?
i did. i got mad at the guy and i made "tampo" to God. pardon me using the tagalog word, it's just that there is no english word that would really suffice for what i meant to say. but then something dawned on me. i got mad at him and blamed him for leaving me but there is always two sides of the coin. i should be mad at myself also.
when i was feeling resentment towards the person, did i ever stop to think all these would not happen had i asked for God's wisdom and discernment? all would have not happened had i waited for God's promise in my life and for my God's best?
most of the time, we only blame the other party for the heartaches they caused us. we dont even stop to think that we too have a part in all of it. yes, they chose to leave us. but we too have a part in the decision they took. it could be because we were already too much to handle, too emotional, too jealous, too immature. too much. or it could be because, it was never really meant to be and we should have seen that right before we even started having feelings for them.
so yes, i may have felt resentment back then for that guy who left without a word of explanation but i too should have felt resentment towards myself for allowing things to happen without being guided by God.
i can never stress this enough. it is important to wait for that one person God has made for you. aside from us being spared emotional pain, we also spare the other party from making painful decisions in their lives. and we also spare their future spouses the emotional pain of having to deal with ex's who wont and cant move on.
moving on: "kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto palaging merong paraan." if we really want to move on, we will. because we want to. when we say im having a hard time moving on, that's because a part of us does not want to. we always have reasons like, "I cant move on because we were together for too long" or "i cant move on because i believe he loved me and he still loves me." REASONS. kung ayaw may dahilan... maraming dahilan.
to you Antukin, i hope you have already found the one. :D
<3 4 <3
while i said in one of my older blogs that i wont blog about him anymore, pardon me in doing so. yes, this is another blog wherein i mentioned my goliath. or should i say, it is about the song he sang for me and thoughts about relationships related to the song.
the song is tagalog in language. it's title means sleepyhead. i can still remember it clearly. it was june 9, 2009 and he was in the airport, waiting for the whole band to arrive for their scheduled flight bound for doha. he asked me if he can just sing me the song over the phone, before he leaves. i said yes and indeed, he sang me my favorite part of the song. just to give you an idea, here's the lyrics of the song:
iniwan ka na ng eroplano
okay lang baby wag kang magbago
dito ka lang humimbing sa aking piling
antukin
kukupkupin na lang kita
sorry wala ka ng magagawa
mahalin mo na lang ako ng sobra sobra
para patas naman tayo diba
(chorus)sasalubungin natin ang kinabukasan
ng walang takot at walang pangamba
tadhana'y merong trip na makapangyarihan
kung ayaw may dahilan
kung gusto palaging merong paraan
pinaiyak ka ng manghuhula
hindi na raw tayo magkasamang tatanda
buti na lang merong langit na nagtatanggol sa
pag-ibig na pursigido't matiyaga
(chorus)
long as we stand as one
ano man ang ating makabangga
nothing will ever break us
wala talaga as in wala
(chorus)
kung gusto, hahalikan na lang natin
ang kinabukasan ng buong loob
at yayakapin pa
tadhana'y mejo overrated kung minsan
kung ayaw may dahilan
kung gusto palaging merong paraan
gumawa na lang tayo ng paraan
gumawa na lang tayo ng... (baby)
gumawa na lang tayo ng paraan.
the song caught my ears and attention today because it got me thinking of its lines "kung ayaw may dahilan kung gusto palaging merong paraan". let me relate it to relationships. if the person wants to stay, he will stay right? he will move heaven and hell just to stay with you and he will do everything to make you stay as well. but if the person does not want to stay anymore, we cannot move heaven and hell just to make him stay. he will always have a reason to leave and we cannot contend with those reasons.
but what if, just what if, he wanted to stay but there is a being bigger and greater and mightier than him who wants him to stay... AWAY. what if, him leaving wasnt of his own volition but a command from the One who created him... and you. what if it was God, with all His power, might and love for the two of you, who told him, "Son, leave her alone. Leave her in My hands and trust My plans for both of your lives.". would you get mad at God or would you get mad at him?
i did. i got mad at the guy and i made "tampo" to God. pardon me using the tagalog word, it's just that there is no english word that would really suffice for what i meant to say. but then something dawned on me. i got mad at him and blamed him for leaving me but there is always two sides of the coin. i should be mad at myself also.
when i was feeling resentment towards the person, did i ever stop to think all these would not happen had i asked for God's wisdom and discernment? all would have not happened had i waited for God's promise in my life and for my God's best?
most of the time, we only blame the other party for the heartaches they caused us. we dont even stop to think that we too have a part in all of it. yes, they chose to leave us. but we too have a part in the decision they took. it could be because we were already too much to handle, too emotional, too jealous, too immature. too much. or it could be because, it was never really meant to be and we should have seen that right before we even started having feelings for them.
so yes, i may have felt resentment back then for that guy who left without a word of explanation but i too should have felt resentment towards myself for allowing things to happen without being guided by God.
i can never stress this enough. it is important to wait for that one person God has made for you. aside from us being spared emotional pain, we also spare the other party from making painful decisions in their lives. and we also spare their future spouses the emotional pain of having to deal with ex's who wont and cant move on.
moving on: "kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto palaging merong paraan." if we really want to move on, we will. because we want to. when we say im having a hard time moving on, that's because a part of us does not want to. we always have reasons like, "I cant move on because we were together for too long" or "i cant move on because i believe he loved me and he still loves me." REASONS. kung ayaw may dahilan... maraming dahilan.
to you Antukin, i hope you have already found the one. :D
<3 4 <3
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
in anger and bitterness, turn to God
i was at home today, waiting for my storyboard to be sent via email when i decided to go open my blogsite and check my stats. while i was checking my stats, i found myself wanting to blog. mind you, i have a blog ready to be uploaded but it feels like it's not yet the one i want to publish.
then i was reminded of how i felt last night. i was angry. blame it on the spirits of anger living in my house or blame it on my heart but the bottomline is, i got angry. i wouldnt go into details and person involved but nonetheless, this is a continuation of a past offense, a new one that adds insult to injury. it seems like as days pass, the person seems to add more insult to injury for me and Jeremy. what hurts the most is that lies were uttered right in my face and more lies where being said to different people that surrounds us. forgiven? yes the person was already forgiven. everyday is a struggle to forgive the person but by God's grace it was possible.
but last night, the anger rose up again. i asked God to show me why anger rises up everytime the person does something to irritate me. and here is what He told me:
1. James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Since He already made me His daughter and disciple, i must develop my character. I must persever and endure trials and persecution because no disciple lives in a comfortable safe zone. We live in a world east of Eden. but what makes it easier to live in the fallen world is that we know that God's grace is always available for us.
2. God is teaching me to lower some expectations I have. Most people are not like me and that person definitely isnt like me. I dont do things that the person does and these are the things that offends me. And since I dont do those things, I expected most of the time that others wont do it too. But we are all a work in progress and we were created differently.
3. "I am still working in you and I am working in that person's life as well."
God works in everyone's life, tweaking attitudes that need to be tweaked and I tell you there are a lot of things that needs to be tweaked in my life. But I was comforted with the fact that God is tweaking that certain aspect of that person's life as well. He is not yet done teaching that person a lesson. He is teaching that person OBEDIENCE and LISTENING.
"Make sure that when you PRAY, you also know how to LISTEN to God."
4. "Leave VINDICATION to me."
"This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their VINDICATION from ME." declares the Lord. - Isaiah 54:17
I wanted to lash out, to tell that person right smack in the face that I am mad and furious at what was said and what happened but God reminded me that VINDICATION is His and not mine.
5. "What God has opened, no man can close."
Who is the author of my relationship? It's God. So whoever wants to destroy my relationship with Jeremy is answerable to God. Whoever says things against us will be refuted by God for He is the one who wrote our love story. I dont need to refute any tongue who accuses us of things because God will do it for me. According to Jeremy, "ang bumangga, giba!".
what struck me the most from my talk with God was this, "When we pray, we must also listen." Yes, God hears us and He wants to answer every prayer that we have. But do we ask ourselves, do we pray for the right things? or do we pray for the ones that are not included in His will? When we pray, do we really hear HIS answer or do we hear the answers according to OUR HEARTS' DESIRES? Sadly, there are people who are supposedly walking in His light, walking as His disciple but they are having a hard time LISTENING to God and OBEYING Him especially if it involves their hearts' desires.
I hope the next time that that person prays, LISTENING should be present. and OBEDIENCE too.
(photo from google)
<3
then i was reminded of how i felt last night. i was angry. blame it on the spirits of anger living in my house or blame it on my heart but the bottomline is, i got angry. i wouldnt go into details and person involved but nonetheless, this is a continuation of a past offense, a new one that adds insult to injury. it seems like as days pass, the person seems to add more insult to injury for me and Jeremy. what hurts the most is that lies were uttered right in my face and more lies where being said to different people that surrounds us. forgiven? yes the person was already forgiven. everyday is a struggle to forgive the person but by God's grace it was possible.
but last night, the anger rose up again. i asked God to show me why anger rises up everytime the person does something to irritate me. and here is what He told me:
1. James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Since He already made me His daughter and disciple, i must develop my character. I must persever and endure trials and persecution because no disciple lives in a comfortable safe zone. We live in a world east of Eden. but what makes it easier to live in the fallen world is that we know that God's grace is always available for us.
2. God is teaching me to lower some expectations I have. Most people are not like me and that person definitely isnt like me. I dont do things that the person does and these are the things that offends me. And since I dont do those things, I expected most of the time that others wont do it too. But we are all a work in progress and we were created differently.
3. "I am still working in you and I am working in that person's life as well."
God works in everyone's life, tweaking attitudes that need to be tweaked and I tell you there are a lot of things that needs to be tweaked in my life. But I was comforted with the fact that God is tweaking that certain aspect of that person's life as well. He is not yet done teaching that person a lesson. He is teaching that person OBEDIENCE and LISTENING.
"Make sure that when you PRAY, you also know how to LISTEN to God."
4. "Leave VINDICATION to me."
"This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their VINDICATION from ME." declares the Lord. - Isaiah 54:17
I wanted to lash out, to tell that person right smack in the face that I am mad and furious at what was said and what happened but God reminded me that VINDICATION is His and not mine.
5. "What God has opened, no man can close."
Who is the author of my relationship? It's God. So whoever wants to destroy my relationship with Jeremy is answerable to God. Whoever says things against us will be refuted by God for He is the one who wrote our love story. I dont need to refute any tongue who accuses us of things because God will do it for me. According to Jeremy, "ang bumangga, giba!".
what struck me the most from my talk with God was this, "When we pray, we must also listen." Yes, God hears us and He wants to answer every prayer that we have. But do we ask ourselves, do we pray for the right things? or do we pray for the ones that are not included in His will? When we pray, do we really hear HIS answer or do we hear the answers according to OUR HEARTS' DESIRES? Sadly, there are people who are supposedly walking in His light, walking as His disciple but they are having a hard time LISTENING to God and OBEYING Him especially if it involves their hearts' desires.
I hope the next time that that person prays, LISTENING should be present. and OBEDIENCE too.
<3
Thursday, June 16, 2011
shooting for a star ( a short story)
fiction is always the product of our imagination. but sometimes, there are fictional characters that are closer to our hearts than any other characters we have created in our head because they are, at some point in our lives, were part of who we were or they were a part of the past. and as i was searching for my old manuscripts and literary works, i came across a short story i wrote way back in high school, those times i would hide in lockers whenever this certain smile would light up the room i was in. it was a story of a girl who fell in love with a shy smile only to get her heart broken because the guy would not even look twice at her. or so she thought. thus, after reading that story i wrote, i was inspired to write another.
a continuation, a bridge.
---------
Shooting for a star
by: Gillian Hero Guerrero-Angeles
The rain kept on pouring the whole afternoon and my mind's going more restless by the minute. The stormy season was just starting at this time of the year. Two weeks ago, I was a completely different man. Two weeks ago, the concept of love and commitment was as far-fetched as surviving on another planet aside from the earth. But it all changed when I saw her again...
---
(Two weeks ago)
I was on my way to my usual gym routine when I passed by this quaint chapel located near a commercial district in Libis. I don't know why I stopped but I did and moments later, I found myself kneeling down one of the pews and looking at the cross on the altar. A few minutes passed and a tiny little voice inside me asked an audible question. "What is your heart's greatest desire?" Whoa! Where did that question come from? I already have what most people my generation are envious of. Fame, money, girls. I am in my own right a famous celebrity though not as famous as Dingdong Dantes or Piolo Pascual but I already have a number of female and gay fans admiring my physique. I have tv guestings here and there, an evening soap opera that's getting a fair share of the viewers pie, and a late night travel/extreme sports show. I don't need anything else. Well, maybe there's one. A Porsche Carrera. Aside from that I don't think I need anything else.
As I was about to get up, a girl passed by and sat two pews ahead. Something about her caught my attention and as I took a second look, my heart skipped a beat. I know that long curly hair too well. I've stared at that back all too many times way back in high school. Tall, slender, Snow white skin, charming, sweet, bubbly, graceful, sports-minded, brainy, beautiful, perfect. "Could it be really her? Here? Now?", I asked myself. Debating whether or not to approach her, I stood up and found myself rooted on the spot. I could not move. Memories of a high school crush came flooding in. Memories that would tell a number of failed attempts to ask her out despite me being a ladies' man. Memories that would speak of too many stolen glances in between breaks, my basketball practices, her dance rehearsals and school programs.
When I finally mustered the courage to approach her, she was already up and ready to go. Telling myself that it's now or never, I called out her name. "Carla!" I said as I made my way towards her. Despite her startled look, I could not help but notice how beautiful she still look after four years. "Hi Yuan! Glad you still remember me.", she said, flashing those pearly whites. God! She still has that charming smile I love staring at. "Of course! Why wouldn't I remember you?", I answered back. "Well, most of our schoolmates say you don't remember them anymore once you became a celebrity." How can I forget her? I will forget everyone from my batch but I will never forget her. Never. But I couldn't tell her that. "Of course I remember you. And your dad." I said, smilingly sheepishly at her. Her dad was the school basketball team's coach. My former coach. And the first time I saw her, she was shooting hoops with her dad as I entered the school gym for basketball practice. Mind you, I've never seen a girl as beautiful as her who can shoot killer three's. "I was thinking -", I was saying when I was interrupted by the faint sound of her phone ringing. "Yes, I'm done. *pause* Alright I'll see you at the entrance. Bye." I heard her say on the phone. As soon as she ended the call, she turned to me and said, "It was nice running into you but I have to go. I'll tell Dad you said Hi." "Please do. Tell him I miss playing ball with him." She smiled. "Bye Yuan.", she said as she walked pass me. My eyes followed every step she took away from me, and my heart retraced every step I took way back in high school to get to know her better. She stopped and waved back as soon as she reached the chapel's entrance and I saw a black car stop in front of her. She got in, lowered her window and smiled at me as the car started to leave.
I was mesmerized. I felt like the young boy again stealing glances at her in school. Or that basketball player looking for her among the crowd watching our intercollegiate games. But wait! I forgot to get her number! "Stupid!", I told myself. Of all the things to forget! "Stupid Yuan! Stupid!" Feeling defeated, I started to walk towards my car, still calling myself stupid for not asking for her number.
Gym time was over but I felt like I wasn't able to do a nice routine today. My mind kept going back to the conversation that took place inside that small chapel. As soon as I got inside my car, not even bothering to leave the parking space, I called one of my former basketball team mate. "Hey John how are you? *pause* Well, I actually have a favor to ask. Do you happen to know Coach Richard's number? *pause* Cool! Can you send it to me? *pause* Thanks dude!" Finally! I got a way to know her number.
Business card received. Coach Richard. Right then and there, I dialed the number and waited nervously as the phone rang. "Hello?", the voice at the other end said. "Coach Richard! This is Yuan!", I answered. "Yuan Co? My star basketball player? Is this really you?" I smiled at the mention of star player. "Yes Coach this is really me. How have you been?" A short pause followed my question. "Are you really asking about me or about me daughter? She told me she bumped into you earlier today.", Coach Richard asked. I was speechless for a moment until I finally answered, "Well, would you hate me if I say I really wanted to get your daughter's number?" Coach Richard laughed at my answer. "Well kiddo, I'm glad you finally had the courage to ask for it! It's been years! We've all been waiting for it. Me and the whole basketball team. Wait, let me correct that. Me and the whole school." I was shocked. "What???!!!! Everyone's been waiting for me to get Carla's number? But why?" "Well, we've all known you like her. We all saw the stolen glances, the look of longing in your eyes whenever she would enter the gym, and all those searching for someone in the bleachers whenever we have a ball game. We weren't blind Yuan. We knew. And I may have not encouraged you back then because of your reputation as a ladies' man, but given the circumstances right not, I think I'll give you more than just her number. Do you still know how to get to our house?" How can I forget, I thought. I've memorized their address and how to get there in the hopes that someday, I would get the chance to pick her up from their house, bring her out to a romantic date, and get her home on time for her curfew. But it never happened. "I think so Coach. Or I can Google maps the way.", I lied. "Okay, if you say so. Be here tomorrow for lunch. Bye." Wow! God must be on my side! Lunch at their house? Is this really happening? I wanted to punch myself just to check if I'm dreaming or not. Well maybe if I wasn't driving I would have done so.
When I got home, I searched for the basketball team championship photo I kept. It was the only championship photo I kept and treasured all these years. It wasn't because it was the most memorable championship but because it was the only championship photo that Carla took for the school paper. I found it hidden among the basketball team memorabilia that my mom hid in a box she placed inside my cabinet. On top of it was the jersey I was planning to give to her after the victory party hosted by the school. I never got the chance to do so because she wasn't around that night. She was sick according to her dad. As I stare at the photo, I couldn't help but notice how I was smiling from ear to ear, which wasn't my usual smile whenever the photo's for the school paper. I would usually have a stern, suplado look in school because too many girls would always try to catch my attention in various traumatic ways. Most girls in school. But not Carla. Maybe that was the reason I was so smitten by her. She's so different from all the girls I've seen. As I continue staring at the photo, I still could not believe the revelation I got that night. The whole team knew. Coach Richard knew. The whole school knew. I don't know if I should be pissed about it or the fact that everybody knew except Carla.
Early the following day, I got up, dressed well for the occasion, and drove to her place. On the way to her house, I passed by a flower shop to get her a bouquet of flowers. Her favorite, pink roses. I hope she'll like it. When I got to her place, I found her shooting hoops. I was amazed. Years passed and her killer three's can still take my breath away. "Can I try my hand in shooting?", I shouted as I approach her. She turned my way and was surprised to see me at their yard. "Oh! It's you! The star basketball player.", she answered. I smiled. "Are you going to hand me those flowers or are they for my dad?", she teasingly said. "Why of course it's for your dad. I kinda took a liking for him when he was my coach.", I joked back. She laughed. Oh my! That laugh sounded like music to my ears. "It's for you actually. I was just kidding.", I said shyly, handing her the flowers. She smiled as she received the flowers. "Thank you. Is this just a lucky guess or you really did research on what my favorite flower is?" I turned beet red. I can feel that I did. Nervously dribbling the ball she handed me a while ago, I avoided her eyes and said, "It was just luck I guess." Oh boy! How can I tell her I know more than just her favorite flowers without sounding like a stalker? Thank heavens, her father went out to join us in the yard. If it weren't for his dad I would have melted right at that spot. I was already wishing the earth would swallow me up right that moment she asked about my choice of flowers. "Hey lovebirds, it's time for lunch.", Coach Richard said, putting an arm around Carla. "Dad! That's not the right way to welcome visitors.", she said while she nudged him at the rib. "Hi Coach! Thanks for inviting me for lunch.", I said. He winked back as we started walking towards the house. Lunch was great though Coach Richard would not let me go off the hook without stories of how I was back then. He even mentioned that I really really liked this girl back in high school but I never got the courage to ask her out. Talk about being on the hot seat. Carla however was quiet over lunch as she ate her "special diet" of veggies and grilled fish. When I asked them about this, they said it's just her preference. She smiled weakly at me and said, "I've gone vegan for some reason."
---
Three days after that lunch I had at their house, I dropped by their house after one of my show's taping to give her a basket of fresh organic veggies. She was already asleep when I reached her house. Coach Richard received it for her. "Son, thank you very much. You don't know how much this will mean to her. But let me just say, I hope you don't get your heart broken.", he said as I got inside my car. I was puzzled. All the way from their house in Mandaluyong to my place in Tandang Sora, I couldn't help but think of Coach Richard's parting words. Why will I get my heart broken? Could it be that she does not like me at all? Or maybe, she's already in a relationship with someone else? Questions flooded my mind but the answers wouldn't come.
The following day, I decided to pass by her house first before I go to my scheduled taping. I found her sitting at a bench inside their yard, reading a book. "Hi!", I called to her. She looked up, surprised to see me there so early. "Oh hi! Thanks for the veggies by the way." "Glad you liked them. Can I sit beside you?" "Of course.", she smiled. "What are you reading?", I asked. "Oh, it's just a medical book explaining about Leukemia and chemotherapy." Leukemia? Chemotherapy? Why would she be reading a book about it when she wasn't a med student? As far as I know, she graduated with a degree in Advertising. "Are you planning on studying medicine?", I asked. She just smiled at me and went back to reading the book. After a while, she asked me, "Don't you have work today?" "Actually I have. I just wanted to spend some time here before I go to the location of my taping. I'll be gone for 3 days.", I said. I would rather spend time there than go to work actually. But I cannot tell her that. She smiled weakly at me, that same smile she gave me when she told me she had gone vegan. "Oh. You take care then. By the way, you can stay here as long as you want. But I have to go back inside. I feel tired already. Must be because of the medicines they made me took this morning. Bye Yuan." She stood up, went inside with the book she was reading, leaving me to ponder on things. First, her dad's puzzling statement the night before, then the book she was reading, and finally, she mentioned medicines. After a few minutes, I got up and went to my car, starting the drive towards my location shoot south of the Metro.
---
As soon as I got back to the Metro after my three-day location shoot, I decided to call Coach Richard. Three days of being away did not keep my mind off of the things that involve Carla. "Are you back in Manila?", was the first thing the Coach said to me when he answered his phone. "Yes Coach I am. Is there something wrong?", I nervously asked. "Get here as fast as you can. We're at Med City.", he answered. Not bothering to ask why, I ended the call and drove as fast as I can to Ortigas. Oh God, could it be Carla? What happened to her? Please God do not let it be her, I prayed. When I got there, I was informed that she was brought to the emergency room. As soon as I reached the emergency room, I saw Coach Richard in a seat nearby, with his face buried deep in his hands. "Coach?", I called out to him. He looked up and thanked me for being there. "Is it Carla? What happened?", I asked. "This morning, she did not respond to her medicines. She kept on vomiting all morning." "Medicine? Why? What's her illness?" "She was diagnosed with leukemia 5 months ago. She's been on chemo for 4 months now." Everything around me slowed down as I heard those words. It couldn't be. She couldn't be so sick. The doctor emerged from the ER and approached Coach Richard. "Sir, she's stable now. We sedated her and gave her an IV. We're moving her to a room. You can see her once we've already placed her in her private room. But I must admit, I'm worried about her response to chemotherapy. I'm afraid, we have to pray harder for her to survive. But we will do everything", the doctor said. As soon as I heard the phrase I'm afraid, I ran. As soon as I reached my car, I drove blinded by the tears that kept coming in my eyes. No! It couldn't be true. She's not sick. I don't know where I was going but I continued driving. I was surprised to see myself in front of the chapel where I first saw her again a few days ago. I got out of my car, went inside the chapel and tearfully said, "Why her God? Why her???! Why bring her back to my life only to get her back??! Answer me!" As I knelt down, the tears would not stop from flowing. I could not bear losing her, the girl of my dreams. For the first time in my life, I felt pain. I felt like my heart's breaking to a million pieces. Coach was right. He hoped I wouldn't get my heart broken. But here I am, in pain and hurting. As I was letting the tears flow from my eyes, a small voice inside me asked, "I asked You back then what is your heart's greatest desire. Are you ready to answer Me now?" Could it be God asking me that? "Oh God! Let her live please! That is what I desire most in this life. Just let her live and be strong again. I'll do everything to make her happy." Something warm enveloped me and the tears stopped falling. I got up, went to my car and drove back to the hospital. When I got to her room, she was still asleep. Not bothering to go home to get a fresh set of clothes, I stayed at the hospital, holding her hand as I fell asleep. In the middle of the night, I was awakened by a soft squeeze in my hand. "Hi.", she softly said. "Why are you here?", she asked. "I wanted to be here. To see you when you open your eyes.", I smiled, trying to hide my bloodshot eyes due to crying the whole night. "Thank you.", she said while reaching out to touch my cheek. "You know what, I have loved you for so long. I have loved you since high school.", she said. "Do you remember that day you tried-out for the basketball team? I was there. I saw you for the first time. And I fell in love with you that day." "Oh Carla!", was all I could say before the tears kept me from saying anything more. I just held her. I held her while memories of me stealing glances at her occupy my mind. "And I know you have loved me since high school too. I knew Yuan. Everybody knew.", she whispered. I reached over and kissed her on the forehead with everything that I've felt for her since that day I saw her shoot hoops nine years ago. It was an understatement to say that this girl in front of me, in a hospital bed with IV's and tubes attached to her, is the love of my life.
---
The rain kept on pouring the whole afternoon and my mind's going more restless by the minute. The stormy season was just starting at this time of the year. Two weeks ago, I was a completely different man. Two weeks ago, I wasn't so sure that love is for me. But here I am, waiting at this small chapel, waiting for the love of my life to walk down that aisle dressed in white. Gone are the playboy days of Yuan Co. Here and now, until forever, there is only one girl in my heart and mind. She's always been there. Carla, the girl of my dreams. My biggest high school crush. The one who brought me down on my knees to beg God to let her live. She only has six months to live according to the doctor but I know God can make miracles. He already did, that day He made our paths cross again in this same chapel.
(photo credit to original uploader in google)
a continuation, a bridge.
---------
Shooting for a star
by: Gillian Hero Guerrero-Angeles
The rain kept on pouring the whole afternoon and my mind's going more restless by the minute. The stormy season was just starting at this time of the year. Two weeks ago, I was a completely different man. Two weeks ago, the concept of love and commitment was as far-fetched as surviving on another planet aside from the earth. But it all changed when I saw her again...
---
(Two weeks ago)
I was on my way to my usual gym routine when I passed by this quaint chapel located near a commercial district in Libis. I don't know why I stopped but I did and moments later, I found myself kneeling down one of the pews and looking at the cross on the altar. A few minutes passed and a tiny little voice inside me asked an audible question. "What is your heart's greatest desire?" Whoa! Where did that question come from? I already have what most people my generation are envious of. Fame, money, girls. I am in my own right a famous celebrity though not as famous as Dingdong Dantes or Piolo Pascual but I already have a number of female and gay fans admiring my physique. I have tv guestings here and there, an evening soap opera that's getting a fair share of the viewers pie, and a late night travel/extreme sports show. I don't need anything else. Well, maybe there's one. A Porsche Carrera. Aside from that I don't think I need anything else.
As I was about to get up, a girl passed by and sat two pews ahead. Something about her caught my attention and as I took a second look, my heart skipped a beat. I know that long curly hair too well. I've stared at that back all too many times way back in high school. Tall, slender, Snow white skin, charming, sweet, bubbly, graceful, sports-minded, brainy, beautiful, perfect. "Could it be really her? Here? Now?", I asked myself. Debating whether or not to approach her, I stood up and found myself rooted on the spot. I could not move. Memories of a high school crush came flooding in. Memories that would tell a number of failed attempts to ask her out despite me being a ladies' man. Memories that would speak of too many stolen glances in between breaks, my basketball practices, her dance rehearsals and school programs.
When I finally mustered the courage to approach her, she was already up and ready to go. Telling myself that it's now or never, I called out her name. "Carla!" I said as I made my way towards her. Despite her startled look, I could not help but notice how beautiful she still look after four years. "Hi Yuan! Glad you still remember me.", she said, flashing those pearly whites. God! She still has that charming smile I love staring at. "Of course! Why wouldn't I remember you?", I answered back. "Well, most of our schoolmates say you don't remember them anymore once you became a celebrity." How can I forget her? I will forget everyone from my batch but I will never forget her. Never. But I couldn't tell her that. "Of course I remember you. And your dad." I said, smilingly sheepishly at her. Her dad was the school basketball team's coach. My former coach. And the first time I saw her, she was shooting hoops with her dad as I entered the school gym for basketball practice. Mind you, I've never seen a girl as beautiful as her who can shoot killer three's. "I was thinking -", I was saying when I was interrupted by the faint sound of her phone ringing. "Yes, I'm done. *pause* Alright I'll see you at the entrance. Bye." I heard her say on the phone. As soon as she ended the call, she turned to me and said, "It was nice running into you but I have to go. I'll tell Dad you said Hi." "Please do. Tell him I miss playing ball with him." She smiled. "Bye Yuan.", she said as she walked pass me. My eyes followed every step she took away from me, and my heart retraced every step I took way back in high school to get to know her better. She stopped and waved back as soon as she reached the chapel's entrance and I saw a black car stop in front of her. She got in, lowered her window and smiled at me as the car started to leave.
I was mesmerized. I felt like the young boy again stealing glances at her in school. Or that basketball player looking for her among the crowd watching our intercollegiate games. But wait! I forgot to get her number! "Stupid!", I told myself. Of all the things to forget! "Stupid Yuan! Stupid!" Feeling defeated, I started to walk towards my car, still calling myself stupid for not asking for her number.
Gym time was over but I felt like I wasn't able to do a nice routine today. My mind kept going back to the conversation that took place inside that small chapel. As soon as I got inside my car, not even bothering to leave the parking space, I called one of my former basketball team mate. "Hey John how are you? *pause* Well, I actually have a favor to ask. Do you happen to know Coach Richard's number? *pause* Cool! Can you send it to me? *pause* Thanks dude!" Finally! I got a way to know her number.
Business card received. Coach Richard. Right then and there, I dialed the number and waited nervously as the phone rang. "Hello?", the voice at the other end said. "Coach Richard! This is Yuan!", I answered. "Yuan Co? My star basketball player? Is this really you?" I smiled at the mention of star player. "Yes Coach this is really me. How have you been?" A short pause followed my question. "Are you really asking about me or about me daughter? She told me she bumped into you earlier today.", Coach Richard asked. I was speechless for a moment until I finally answered, "Well, would you hate me if I say I really wanted to get your daughter's number?" Coach Richard laughed at my answer. "Well kiddo, I'm glad you finally had the courage to ask for it! It's been years! We've all been waiting for it. Me and the whole basketball team. Wait, let me correct that. Me and the whole school." I was shocked. "What???!!!! Everyone's been waiting for me to get Carla's number? But why?" "Well, we've all known you like her. We all saw the stolen glances, the look of longing in your eyes whenever she would enter the gym, and all those searching for someone in the bleachers whenever we have a ball game. We weren't blind Yuan. We knew. And I may have not encouraged you back then because of your reputation as a ladies' man, but given the circumstances right not, I think I'll give you more than just her number. Do you still know how to get to our house?" How can I forget, I thought. I've memorized their address and how to get there in the hopes that someday, I would get the chance to pick her up from their house, bring her out to a romantic date, and get her home on time for her curfew. But it never happened. "I think so Coach. Or I can Google maps the way.", I lied. "Okay, if you say so. Be here tomorrow for lunch. Bye." Wow! God must be on my side! Lunch at their house? Is this really happening? I wanted to punch myself just to check if I'm dreaming or not. Well maybe if I wasn't driving I would have done so.
When I got home, I searched for the basketball team championship photo I kept. It was the only championship photo I kept and treasured all these years. It wasn't because it was the most memorable championship but because it was the only championship photo that Carla took for the school paper. I found it hidden among the basketball team memorabilia that my mom hid in a box she placed inside my cabinet. On top of it was the jersey I was planning to give to her after the victory party hosted by the school. I never got the chance to do so because she wasn't around that night. She was sick according to her dad. As I stare at the photo, I couldn't help but notice how I was smiling from ear to ear, which wasn't my usual smile whenever the photo's for the school paper. I would usually have a stern, suplado look in school because too many girls would always try to catch my attention in various traumatic ways. Most girls in school. But not Carla. Maybe that was the reason I was so smitten by her. She's so different from all the girls I've seen. As I continue staring at the photo, I still could not believe the revelation I got that night. The whole team knew. Coach Richard knew. The whole school knew. I don't know if I should be pissed about it or the fact that everybody knew except Carla.
Early the following day, I got up, dressed well for the occasion, and drove to her place. On the way to her house, I passed by a flower shop to get her a bouquet of flowers. Her favorite, pink roses. I hope she'll like it. When I got to her place, I found her shooting hoops. I was amazed. Years passed and her killer three's can still take my breath away. "Can I try my hand in shooting?", I shouted as I approach her. She turned my way and was surprised to see me at their yard. "Oh! It's you! The star basketball player.", she answered. I smiled. "Are you going to hand me those flowers or are they for my dad?", she teasingly said. "Why of course it's for your dad. I kinda took a liking for him when he was my coach.", I joked back. She laughed. Oh my! That laugh sounded like music to my ears. "It's for you actually. I was just kidding.", I said shyly, handing her the flowers. She smiled as she received the flowers. "Thank you. Is this just a lucky guess or you really did research on what my favorite flower is?" I turned beet red. I can feel that I did. Nervously dribbling the ball she handed me a while ago, I avoided her eyes and said, "It was just luck I guess." Oh boy! How can I tell her I know more than just her favorite flowers without sounding like a stalker? Thank heavens, her father went out to join us in the yard. If it weren't for his dad I would have melted right at that spot. I was already wishing the earth would swallow me up right that moment she asked about my choice of flowers. "Hey lovebirds, it's time for lunch.", Coach Richard said, putting an arm around Carla. "Dad! That's not the right way to welcome visitors.", she said while she nudged him at the rib. "Hi Coach! Thanks for inviting me for lunch.", I said. He winked back as we started walking towards the house. Lunch was great though Coach Richard would not let me go off the hook without stories of how I was back then. He even mentioned that I really really liked this girl back in high school but I never got the courage to ask her out. Talk about being on the hot seat. Carla however was quiet over lunch as she ate her "special diet" of veggies and grilled fish. When I asked them about this, they said it's just her preference. She smiled weakly at me and said, "I've gone vegan for some reason."
---
Three days after that lunch I had at their house, I dropped by their house after one of my show's taping to give her a basket of fresh organic veggies. She was already asleep when I reached her house. Coach Richard received it for her. "Son, thank you very much. You don't know how much this will mean to her. But let me just say, I hope you don't get your heart broken.", he said as I got inside my car. I was puzzled. All the way from their house in Mandaluyong to my place in Tandang Sora, I couldn't help but think of Coach Richard's parting words. Why will I get my heart broken? Could it be that she does not like me at all? Or maybe, she's already in a relationship with someone else? Questions flooded my mind but the answers wouldn't come.
The following day, I decided to pass by her house first before I go to my scheduled taping. I found her sitting at a bench inside their yard, reading a book. "Hi!", I called to her. She looked up, surprised to see me there so early. "Oh hi! Thanks for the veggies by the way." "Glad you liked them. Can I sit beside you?" "Of course.", she smiled. "What are you reading?", I asked. "Oh, it's just a medical book explaining about Leukemia and chemotherapy." Leukemia? Chemotherapy? Why would she be reading a book about it when she wasn't a med student? As far as I know, she graduated with a degree in Advertising. "Are you planning on studying medicine?", I asked. She just smiled at me and went back to reading the book. After a while, she asked me, "Don't you have work today?" "Actually I have. I just wanted to spend some time here before I go to the location of my taping. I'll be gone for 3 days.", I said. I would rather spend time there than go to work actually. But I cannot tell her that. She smiled weakly at me, that same smile she gave me when she told me she had gone vegan. "Oh. You take care then. By the way, you can stay here as long as you want. But I have to go back inside. I feel tired already. Must be because of the medicines they made me took this morning. Bye Yuan." She stood up, went inside with the book she was reading, leaving me to ponder on things. First, her dad's puzzling statement the night before, then the book she was reading, and finally, she mentioned medicines. After a few minutes, I got up and went to my car, starting the drive towards my location shoot south of the Metro.
---
As soon as I got back to the Metro after my three-day location shoot, I decided to call Coach Richard. Three days of being away did not keep my mind off of the things that involve Carla. "Are you back in Manila?", was the first thing the Coach said to me when he answered his phone. "Yes Coach I am. Is there something wrong?", I nervously asked. "Get here as fast as you can. We're at Med City.", he answered. Not bothering to ask why, I ended the call and drove as fast as I can to Ortigas. Oh God, could it be Carla? What happened to her? Please God do not let it be her, I prayed. When I got there, I was informed that she was brought to the emergency room. As soon as I reached the emergency room, I saw Coach Richard in a seat nearby, with his face buried deep in his hands. "Coach?", I called out to him. He looked up and thanked me for being there. "Is it Carla? What happened?", I asked. "This morning, she did not respond to her medicines. She kept on vomiting all morning." "Medicine? Why? What's her illness?" "She was diagnosed with leukemia 5 months ago. She's been on chemo for 4 months now." Everything around me slowed down as I heard those words. It couldn't be. She couldn't be so sick. The doctor emerged from the ER and approached Coach Richard. "Sir, she's stable now. We sedated her and gave her an IV. We're moving her to a room. You can see her once we've already placed her in her private room. But I must admit, I'm worried about her response to chemotherapy. I'm afraid, we have to pray harder for her to survive. But we will do everything", the doctor said. As soon as I heard the phrase I'm afraid, I ran. As soon as I reached my car, I drove blinded by the tears that kept coming in my eyes. No! It couldn't be true. She's not sick. I don't know where I was going but I continued driving. I was surprised to see myself in front of the chapel where I first saw her again a few days ago. I got out of my car, went inside the chapel and tearfully said, "Why her God? Why her???! Why bring her back to my life only to get her back??! Answer me!" As I knelt down, the tears would not stop from flowing. I could not bear losing her, the girl of my dreams. For the first time in my life, I felt pain. I felt like my heart's breaking to a million pieces. Coach was right. He hoped I wouldn't get my heart broken. But here I am, in pain and hurting. As I was letting the tears flow from my eyes, a small voice inside me asked, "I asked You back then what is your heart's greatest desire. Are you ready to answer Me now?" Could it be God asking me that? "Oh God! Let her live please! That is what I desire most in this life. Just let her live and be strong again. I'll do everything to make her happy." Something warm enveloped me and the tears stopped falling. I got up, went to my car and drove back to the hospital. When I got to her room, she was still asleep. Not bothering to go home to get a fresh set of clothes, I stayed at the hospital, holding her hand as I fell asleep. In the middle of the night, I was awakened by a soft squeeze in my hand. "Hi.", she softly said. "Why are you here?", she asked. "I wanted to be here. To see you when you open your eyes.", I smiled, trying to hide my bloodshot eyes due to crying the whole night. "Thank you.", she said while reaching out to touch my cheek. "You know what, I have loved you for so long. I have loved you since high school.", she said. "Do you remember that day you tried-out for the basketball team? I was there. I saw you for the first time. And I fell in love with you that day." "Oh Carla!", was all I could say before the tears kept me from saying anything more. I just held her. I held her while memories of me stealing glances at her occupy my mind. "And I know you have loved me since high school too. I knew Yuan. Everybody knew.", she whispered. I reached over and kissed her on the forehead with everything that I've felt for her since that day I saw her shoot hoops nine years ago. It was an understatement to say that this girl in front of me, in a hospital bed with IV's and tubes attached to her, is the love of my life.
---
The rain kept on pouring the whole afternoon and my mind's going more restless by the minute. The stormy season was just starting at this time of the year. Two weeks ago, I was a completely different man. Two weeks ago, I wasn't so sure that love is for me. But here I am, waiting at this small chapel, waiting for the love of my life to walk down that aisle dressed in white. Gone are the playboy days of Yuan Co. Here and now, until forever, there is only one girl in my heart and mind. She's always been there. Carla, the girl of my dreams. My biggest high school crush. The one who brought me down on my knees to beg God to let her live. She only has six months to live according to the doctor but I know God can make miracles. He already did, that day He made our paths cross again in this same chapel.
Monday, May 30, 2011
spiritual battlefield
march, april and may felt like a dry season. a very dry one. yes, God still talks to me but not for myself. He would talk to me about the people around me, usually with messages for these people but He's got no message for me. I would pray and do my quiet time but most of the time, His messages and answers are not for me but for others. It felt like I was just a watchman in His kingdom and I needed to carry out the messages He commanded me to give to certain people.
i felt unspecial in His eyes. I felt that my worth in Him depreciated. like I was no longer the favored daughter, the princess, and the apple of His eyes. somewhere in my heart, I know that it's just a phase, a season I need to undergo because He is working on something for me and in me. but when things don't feel like going good, when provisions seem to be lacking a lot of times, when tongues accuse a lot, when people judge a lot, I felt so low and unloved by my God.
until one night, when I was rumbling and ranting to Him about these things, He answered me with:
Isaiah 54 The Future Glory of Zion
1 “Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.
4 “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
5 For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.
7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
8 In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD your Redeemer.
9 “To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.
10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
11 “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,[a]
your foundations with lapis lazuli.
12 I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your children will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be their peace.
14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
16 “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the LORD.
no weapon formed against me will prevail. and every tongue who accuses me i will refute. because the Lord is my vindication. that is my future glory. i believed that. I cry over those words. no, He did not leave me all alone. He just wants me to seek Him more and not be complacent. i can go on my days not worrying about things because I know God is there to back me up.
until one night after my usual thursday church schedule, the living room of my house turned into a spiritual battlefield. it was a good thing Jeremy has not left the house yet that time. i could not breathe (or according to Jeremy, i was no longer breathing), i had my fists clenched and SOMETHING WAS HOLDING MY FOOT. there was no one at home. my mom was in Bohol and I was spending the rest of the week alone at home with my lola living just next door. no, it wasnt just an anxiety attack. Jeremy couldnt make me open my eyes. I couldnt hear him anymore nor can I feel him tapping (slapping was more like it he said) my face. It wasnt my body giving in to exhaustion or something. He felt a negative presence in the place. And yes he's right about the negative presence. He was already speaking in tongues when I opened my eyes abruptly. He should have stopped but i think it scared him a bit when I said, "Dont stop what you're doing until I tell you to." I wasnt looking entirely at him, I was staring at something near my face. And that something was staring right back at me. While this something is staring at me, another thing is holding my right foot. I started praying in tongues. Louder than Jeremy has ever heard me pray in tongues. Louder than I ever heard myself speak in tongues. But that moment, it felt like I wasnt the one speaking. It felt like someone else is doing it for me. I dont even know how I commanded the two things to release me. Jeremy just told me that I commanded the one holding my foot to let go of my foot and for the two of them to leave my house. this attack was not the first one I experienced at home. one time while I was sleeping, my mom woke up to find me gagging up myself with both of my hands with my eyes looking like i've seen a ghost. another time, while i was alone in bed, i could not find the strength to get up because something heavy is at my chest. what scared the hell out of me that time was that the bed started to squeak which only happens when someone moves in bed. another time also, while i was asleep, i grabbed my mom's hand as she was going to put off the alarm and i said, "Huwag..." in a very scary tone.
when the spiritual battle was done, we were both perspiring like we ran a marathon. the room was humid despite the door being opened. here's what we felt about the things that bothered me that time: there's a spirit of hatred, a spirit of adultery, and a spirit of physical abuse that lingers on the house. and the two things we fought off were feeding on those spirits. something was also impressed to Jeremy. a scene flashed in front of him. it was of a husband and a pregnant wife fighting and the husband hit the wife right there at the sink. this is connected with the physical abuse spirit we felt. that night, i couldnt sleep. i prayed but i still felt afraid. i must have fallen asleep at around 5am because there was light already outside the windows.
then I was reminded of the word He gave me last week. the one in Isaiah 54.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
Yes, it wasnt His doing. It was the work of something sinister, something that fears the power of women especially women who walks in God's will.
the following night, I took out my Bible after praying to God to remove my fear and the spirits hanging around. His answer made me cry out of relief. He said:
Ruth 3:11
"And now, my daughter, dont be afraid. I will do for you all you ask."
and last night, when I was still anxious to sleep at home, He said to me:
Matthew 20:32
Jesus stopped and called them, "What do you want me to do for you?" He asked.
i told Him, remove the spirits at home, make me sleep in peace and just let Your power rule over the house.
And with all His power, I know that His blood has already cleansed the house of any entity that was living in there.
:)
i felt unspecial in His eyes. I felt that my worth in Him depreciated. like I was no longer the favored daughter, the princess, and the apple of His eyes. somewhere in my heart, I know that it's just a phase, a season I need to undergo because He is working on something for me and in me. but when things don't feel like going good, when provisions seem to be lacking a lot of times, when tongues accuse a lot, when people judge a lot, I felt so low and unloved by my God.
until one night, when I was rumbling and ranting to Him about these things, He answered me with:
Isaiah 54 The Future Glory of Zion
1 “Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.
4 “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
5 For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.
7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
8 In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD your Redeemer.
9 “To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.
10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
11 “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,[a]
your foundations with lapis lazuli.
12 I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your children will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be their peace.
14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
16 “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the LORD.
no weapon formed against me will prevail. and every tongue who accuses me i will refute. because the Lord is my vindication. that is my future glory. i believed that. I cry over those words. no, He did not leave me all alone. He just wants me to seek Him more and not be complacent. i can go on my days not worrying about things because I know God is there to back me up.
until one night after my usual thursday church schedule, the living room of my house turned into a spiritual battlefield. it was a good thing Jeremy has not left the house yet that time. i could not breathe (or according to Jeremy, i was no longer breathing), i had my fists clenched and SOMETHING WAS HOLDING MY FOOT. there was no one at home. my mom was in Bohol and I was spending the rest of the week alone at home with my lola living just next door. no, it wasnt just an anxiety attack. Jeremy couldnt make me open my eyes. I couldnt hear him anymore nor can I feel him tapping (slapping was more like it he said) my face. It wasnt my body giving in to exhaustion or something. He felt a negative presence in the place. And yes he's right about the negative presence. He was already speaking in tongues when I opened my eyes abruptly. He should have stopped but i think it scared him a bit when I said, "Dont stop what you're doing until I tell you to." I wasnt looking entirely at him, I was staring at something near my face. And that something was staring right back at me. While this something is staring at me, another thing is holding my right foot. I started praying in tongues. Louder than Jeremy has ever heard me pray in tongues. Louder than I ever heard myself speak in tongues. But that moment, it felt like I wasnt the one speaking. It felt like someone else is doing it for me. I dont even know how I commanded the two things to release me. Jeremy just told me that I commanded the one holding my foot to let go of my foot and for the two of them to leave my house. this attack was not the first one I experienced at home. one time while I was sleeping, my mom woke up to find me gagging up myself with both of my hands with my eyes looking like i've seen a ghost. another time, while i was alone in bed, i could not find the strength to get up because something heavy is at my chest. what scared the hell out of me that time was that the bed started to squeak which only happens when someone moves in bed. another time also, while i was asleep, i grabbed my mom's hand as she was going to put off the alarm and i said, "Huwag..." in a very scary tone.
when the spiritual battle was done, we were both perspiring like we ran a marathon. the room was humid despite the door being opened. here's what we felt about the things that bothered me that time: there's a spirit of hatred, a spirit of adultery, and a spirit of physical abuse that lingers on the house. and the two things we fought off were feeding on those spirits. something was also impressed to Jeremy. a scene flashed in front of him. it was of a husband and a pregnant wife fighting and the husband hit the wife right there at the sink. this is connected with the physical abuse spirit we felt. that night, i couldnt sleep. i prayed but i still felt afraid. i must have fallen asleep at around 5am because there was light already outside the windows.
then I was reminded of the word He gave me last week. the one in Isaiah 54.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
Yes, it wasnt His doing. It was the work of something sinister, something that fears the power of women especially women who walks in God's will.
the following night, I took out my Bible after praying to God to remove my fear and the spirits hanging around. His answer made me cry out of relief. He said:
Ruth 3:11
"And now, my daughter, dont be afraid. I will do for you all you ask."
and last night, when I was still anxious to sleep at home, He said to me:
Matthew 20:32
Jesus stopped and called them, "What do you want me to do for you?" He asked.
i told Him, remove the spirits at home, make me sleep in peace and just let Your power rule over the house.
And with all His power, I know that His blood has already cleansed the house of any entity that was living in there.
:)
Monday, May 23, 2011
written for my goliath
today will be the last day you will ever cross my mind
because today, the answers i will finally find...
the why's and how's of you leaving me behind
they're all going to be forgotten as i say my goodbye.
it doesnt matter if you talk to me ever again
nor will it matter if you ever let me know you're in pain...
all that matters to me now is my future with him
because he now holds my present, my future and my heart.
when you left without saying why or even goodbye
all i can do is watch our memories pass me by
of that night you last brought me home,
the same night i last saw your face.
or that day you called just to sing me that song
and of that night we stayed talking in the rain...
as we watched the world fall right in front of our eyes
i took a glimpse at you and saw a distant look in your eyes.
it could be about her, the girl you never mentioned.
the one whose name has been made into a song
the one whose hands still hold your heart
and the one whose memories will never be replaced in your life.
as I go on my life and my future with my love
i just want to let you know that i will forever be thankful
that when you crossed my path, you made me learn a lot
you made me see that i should be loved and im worth more than that...
i dont need the answers, i can go on without them
life's been better because God healed my heart
when He removed you from my life, He has the best in mind
and that's what I got when you left me without goodbye.
-gillian hero g. angeles
(i've moved on a long time ago... but there were still questions that needed to be answered. or so i thought. i dont need them anymore. they are part of my past with him and my present has no space for him and for them. i'm letting go of all the questions in my head because my Jeremy is worth more than all the answers i needed to get and he deserves nothing but the best of me...)
for you, my "goliath", the man literally after God's own heart (by name), may God bless you with all your hearts desires. may you finally have the one meant to be yours. the one you will not leave behind.
because today, the answers i will finally find...
the why's and how's of you leaving me behind
they're all going to be forgotten as i say my goodbye.
it doesnt matter if you talk to me ever again
nor will it matter if you ever let me know you're in pain...
all that matters to me now is my future with him
because he now holds my present, my future and my heart.
when you left without saying why or even goodbye
all i can do is watch our memories pass me by
of that night you last brought me home,
the same night i last saw your face.
or that day you called just to sing me that song
and of that night we stayed talking in the rain...
as we watched the world fall right in front of our eyes
i took a glimpse at you and saw a distant look in your eyes.
it could be about her, the girl you never mentioned.
the one whose name has been made into a song
the one whose hands still hold your heart
and the one whose memories will never be replaced in your life.
as I go on my life and my future with my love
i just want to let you know that i will forever be thankful
that when you crossed my path, you made me learn a lot
you made me see that i should be loved and im worth more than that...
i dont need the answers, i can go on without them
life's been better because God healed my heart
when He removed you from my life, He has the best in mind
and that's what I got when you left me without goodbye.
-gillian hero g. angeles
(i've moved on a long time ago... but there were still questions that needed to be answered. or so i thought. i dont need them anymore. they are part of my past with him and my present has no space for him and for them. i'm letting go of all the questions in my head because my Jeremy is worth more than all the answers i needed to get and he deserves nothing but the best of me...)
for you, my "goliath", the man literally after God's own heart (by name), may God bless you with all your hearts desires. may you finally have the one meant to be yours. the one you will not leave behind.
Friday, May 20, 2011
when the past comes haunting...
it was a happy night...
a rose, a cake and 2 blended drinks under the stars...
then boom!
a name was mentioned. a name that should have been deleted from the name list of all name lists, and from all the memories of everyone i know so that the name would never ever be mentioned again. if i'll have my way, i would even love it to be removed from the Bible. but i cant. God wont allow it. so endure is all that i can do.
what did the person do to deserve the wrath i feel for his name? nothing. he did NOTHING.
"Nothing??? Gillian are you nuts? You dont want to hear his name yet he's done nothing?" Yeah he did nothing. He didn't say a word that he's leaving, he didnt even bother to tell me "Hey I'm out of the door! Bye. See you when I see you." There was nothing.
He left without a word. He broke my heart without saying so. He did not even bother to tell me why.
And he did that 3x.
Okay call me naive, dumb, fool, stupid or whatever you may want to call me because I should have never let him back after the first time he left but i was blinded by my love for him back then.
And after a few heart-breaking and ego-bursting relationships and dates with men who would always live in the shadow of his gentleness, of his smile, of physique, and of his bass playing skills, I learned that no one can ever take over the place he has in my heart EXCEPT for one. That's my God's best. And mind you, Jeremy did.
it's just that....
i wanted answers. WANTED. when Jeremy came to my life, the questions were all forgotten. I am happy with the one I have now, the one I will forever have. but why would the questions resurface at the most unexpected times? is it because I havent totally moved on? i dont think so. i'd like to think that the questions would resurface because I was still imprisoned by the "Why's" of the past and ONLY THE TRUTH CAN SET ME FREE.
That night, Jeremy said, "Alam mo, kakausapin ko na yang si ____ eh! Hindi ba niya alam epekto ng ginawa niya sayo? He should have been man enough to face you." He wasn't mad or jealous as my boyfriend. He was simply hurt that a princess of God was defrauded and that the man, a born-again Christian, was not even man enough to face the princess he hurt.
i could have simply messaged him on facebook. after all, he and i are now facebook friends again. (i deleted him after he left the third time, and it was only this december that he added me again). but i know that it wont be the right vehicle for that. i can go to his gigs and say, "hey! care to enlighten me why you left without saying a word?" but i know it's not yet the right time. Jeremy thinks so too. He thinks God still want to teach the guy something before he goes to talk to me.
i guess i just have to trust God that his timing is always perfect.
(how ironic that he is my goliath...)
a rose, a cake and 2 blended drinks under the stars...
then boom!
a name was mentioned. a name that should have been deleted from the name list of all name lists, and from all the memories of everyone i know so that the name would never ever be mentioned again. if i'll have my way, i would even love it to be removed from the Bible. but i cant. God wont allow it. so endure is all that i can do.
what did the person do to deserve the wrath i feel for his name? nothing. he did NOTHING.
"Nothing??? Gillian are you nuts? You dont want to hear his name yet he's done nothing?" Yeah he did nothing. He didn't say a word that he's leaving, he didnt even bother to tell me "Hey I'm out of the door! Bye. See you when I see you." There was nothing.
He left without a word. He broke my heart without saying so. He did not even bother to tell me why.
And he did that 3x.
Okay call me naive, dumb, fool, stupid or whatever you may want to call me because I should have never let him back after the first time he left but i was blinded by my love for him back then.
And after a few heart-breaking and ego-bursting relationships and dates with men who would always live in the shadow of his gentleness, of his smile, of physique, and of his bass playing skills, I learned that no one can ever take over the place he has in my heart EXCEPT for one. That's my God's best. And mind you, Jeremy did.
it's just that....
i wanted answers. WANTED. when Jeremy came to my life, the questions were all forgotten. I am happy with the one I have now, the one I will forever have. but why would the questions resurface at the most unexpected times? is it because I havent totally moved on? i dont think so. i'd like to think that the questions would resurface because I was still imprisoned by the "Why's" of the past and ONLY THE TRUTH CAN SET ME FREE.
That night, Jeremy said, "Alam mo, kakausapin ko na yang si ____ eh! Hindi ba niya alam epekto ng ginawa niya sayo? He should have been man enough to face you." He wasn't mad or jealous as my boyfriend. He was simply hurt that a princess of God was defrauded and that the man, a born-again Christian, was not even man enough to face the princess he hurt.
i could have simply messaged him on facebook. after all, he and i are now facebook friends again. (i deleted him after he left the third time, and it was only this december that he added me again). but i know that it wont be the right vehicle for that. i can go to his gigs and say, "hey! care to enlighten me why you left without saying a word?" but i know it's not yet the right time. Jeremy thinks so too. He thinks God still want to teach the guy something before he goes to talk to me.
i guess i just have to trust God that his timing is always perfect.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
a humbling experience...
first let me say, I've never lined up for anything aside from school assembly lines and fastfood order lines. i got my voter's registration without lining up and literally passing 2 blocks worth of people lined up to register. i got my SSS application filed without me going to their office to line up. my TIN number was given to me without me going to their office to file it, simply, someone from my previous work got my TIN number for me. i also dont line up for concerts because i would usually get all-access pass.
but God made me line up for something i want last Sunday. how? I was praying to Him for something I've been wanting to join since college days and His answer was a question I did not expect. He told me, "To get that, are you willing to do something you've never done before?" The word He gave me was the story in the Bible where Peter stepped out of the boat.
so what have I not done before? i pondered on that and kept asking myself. until one day, i noticed a group of people lined up for an ice cream sample booth here at Galleria. and it suddenly dawned on me what I havent done before. I havent lined up for something I want or needed. So I asked myself, "Gillian, are you willing to line up for the audition? it's going to be under the sun, with different kinds of people and attitude."
am I willing to do that just so i can finally audition for MYX VJ search, a contest i've been wanting to join since I was a college student?
sunday morning. I woke up from barely 3 hours of sleep. i wasnt excited about the day but i know it's the day I chose to audition for MYX. so i prepped up, had my make up done by my mom and went out of the house armed with my photos, and 2 valid id's. mind you, the day before that, i've been wondering if they will accept my philhealth ID since they were asking for 2 valid id's with birthdate but the only valid id's that i have are my passport and my philhealth card. that day, as soon as i woke up, God impressed something in my heart. He reminded me of my NBI clearance. i searched for it and lo and behold, it has my birthday on it. so armed with my photos and passport and nbi clearance, i went to ABSCBN.
and i lined up.
i waited for a few hours and it was freakin hot at that time (audition starts at 10am). i was even asked to wait another hour since my turn falls exactly at the lunch break time. when i entered the interview room, i wasnt nervous. i was far from it. but i wasnt too confident too. i was just, happy. happy to be there. to finally do what i've been wanting to do for years already. the interview was good. when i was asked what kind of music i like, i proudly said "Christian music!". i didnt say that to come of as too spiritual but I said that because it was the first thing that came to mind, and it's my most favorite genre of music now, and that kind of music kept me calm while i was lined up and waiting for my turn.
i may pass the audition or not, I would still be happy that i got to experience 2 things that day. first, lining up for something I want or needed. and second, I've got to finally do something I've been wanting to do. atleast, i will never get the "what-if" question in my head.
if it's for me, it's for me. God will make sure of that.
if it's not, i know His plans are way better than mine.
atleast, i would not go on with life thinking, "I should have given it a try."
but God made me line up for something i want last Sunday. how? I was praying to Him for something I've been wanting to join since college days and His answer was a question I did not expect. He told me, "To get that, are you willing to do something you've never done before?" The word He gave me was the story in the Bible where Peter stepped out of the boat.
so what have I not done before? i pondered on that and kept asking myself. until one day, i noticed a group of people lined up for an ice cream sample booth here at Galleria. and it suddenly dawned on me what I havent done before. I havent lined up for something I want or needed. So I asked myself, "Gillian, are you willing to line up for the audition? it's going to be under the sun, with different kinds of people and attitude."
am I willing to do that just so i can finally audition for MYX VJ search, a contest i've been wanting to join since I was a college student?
sunday morning. I woke up from barely 3 hours of sleep. i wasnt excited about the day but i know it's the day I chose to audition for MYX. so i prepped up, had my make up done by my mom and went out of the house armed with my photos, and 2 valid id's. mind you, the day before that, i've been wondering if they will accept my philhealth ID since they were asking for 2 valid id's with birthdate but the only valid id's that i have are my passport and my philhealth card. that day, as soon as i woke up, God impressed something in my heart. He reminded me of my NBI clearance. i searched for it and lo and behold, it has my birthday on it. so armed with my photos and passport and nbi clearance, i went to ABSCBN.
and i lined up.
i waited for a few hours and it was freakin hot at that time (audition starts at 10am). i was even asked to wait another hour since my turn falls exactly at the lunch break time. when i entered the interview room, i wasnt nervous. i was far from it. but i wasnt too confident too. i was just, happy. happy to be there. to finally do what i've been wanting to do for years already. the interview was good. when i was asked what kind of music i like, i proudly said "Christian music!". i didnt say that to come of as too spiritual but I said that because it was the first thing that came to mind, and it's my most favorite genre of music now, and that kind of music kept me calm while i was lined up and waiting for my turn.
i may pass the audition or not, I would still be happy that i got to experience 2 things that day. first, lining up for something I want or needed. and second, I've got to finally do something I've been wanting to do. atleast, i will never get the "what-if" question in my head.
if it's for me, it's for me. God will make sure of that.
if it's not, i know His plans are way better than mine.
atleast, i would not go on with life thinking, "I should have given it a try."
Monday, May 16, 2011
i have a void in me that my husband cannot fill -maria shriver
i was watching TMZ the other day and they quoted Maria Shriver to have said "i have a void in me that my husband can never ever fill..."
yes, Miss Maria, you are right. Mr. Terminator can never fill that void you have in your life. and neither will your kids, the whole Kennedy clan, or the whole of America who shows you sympathy right now fill that void you have in your life.
but i know of a man who can.
his name is JESUS.
there is a mistake that most women commit when they get married. THEY EXPECT THEIR HUSBANDS TO FILL UP THE VOID THEY HAVE IN THEM. and most of the time, THEY GET DISAPPOINTED. then most of the time, the marriage ends in separation.
if we only enter marriage to have someone fill us up, then we should be prepared to crash and burn. no man, no matter how much he loves you, can ever fill you up.
both persons entering marriage should first be complete in mind, soul, and spirit before they say "I do". they should know first their real worth and that they should be complete in God first before they enter the most challenging chapter of their lives - MARRIAGE.
i know of a couple who got married just because they want to leave their families already. they suffer too much inside their own families that they opted to tie the knot so they can escape. years after, their marriage started to fall apart. why? because the same things that was happening in their own families where the same things that were happening within their marriage. they just wanted to escape, but the past came running after them. it's sad to see couples separate just because they never really built a strong foundation but it's sadder to see couples separate because they were married with the wrong intentions.
i was rereading the book Captivating while my boyfriend, Jeremy, was rereading the book Wild at Heart. those two books are related. written by the same author but for different purposes. the book Cpativating is for women, while the book Wild at Heart is for men. one day, we got talking about the book. or should I say, he shared a truth he learned from the book. He said it amazes him how God works in the lives of both men and women and with their hearts. A man's heart is one half of a puzzle while a woman's heart is the other half. BUT, those two hearts should be first complete so that they can complete the heart they were created to complete. Whose heart is it? God's. A man's complete heart plus a woman's complete heart, when they were joined as one is God's heart. that's how He created it to be. that is why marriages should be celebrated because it is God's heart reigning in them.
yes, Miss Maria, you are right. Mr. Terminator can never fill that void you have in your life. and neither will your kids, the whole Kennedy clan, or the whole of America who shows you sympathy right now fill that void you have in your life.
but i know of a man who can.
his name is JESUS.
there is a mistake that most women commit when they get married. THEY EXPECT THEIR HUSBANDS TO FILL UP THE VOID THEY HAVE IN THEM. and most of the time, THEY GET DISAPPOINTED. then most of the time, the marriage ends in separation.
if we only enter marriage to have someone fill us up, then we should be prepared to crash and burn. no man, no matter how much he loves you, can ever fill you up.
both persons entering marriage should first be complete in mind, soul, and spirit before they say "I do". they should know first their real worth and that they should be complete in God first before they enter the most challenging chapter of their lives - MARRIAGE.
i know of a couple who got married just because they want to leave their families already. they suffer too much inside their own families that they opted to tie the knot so they can escape. years after, their marriage started to fall apart. why? because the same things that was happening in their own families where the same things that were happening within their marriage. they just wanted to escape, but the past came running after them. it's sad to see couples separate just because they never really built a strong foundation but it's sadder to see couples separate because they were married with the wrong intentions.
i was rereading the book Captivating while my boyfriend, Jeremy, was rereading the book Wild at Heart. those two books are related. written by the same author but for different purposes. the book Cpativating is for women, while the book Wild at Heart is for men. one day, we got talking about the book. or should I say, he shared a truth he learned from the book. He said it amazes him how God works in the lives of both men and women and with their hearts. A man's heart is one half of a puzzle while a woman's heart is the other half. BUT, those two hearts should be first complete so that they can complete the heart they were created to complete. Whose heart is it? God's. A man's complete heart plus a woman's complete heart, when they were joined as one is God's heart. that's how He created it to be. that is why marriages should be celebrated because it is God's heart reigning in them.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
she wants to find her match
(disclaimer - any similarities to any person, couple or love triangle whether living or dead is not intentional. bato bato sa langit, ang tamaan, well, tinamaan. maybe it's time you assess your heart.)
here's a story:
a girl, well she's heartbroken. not only because her boyfriend left her but also because 2 years and a half after, he finds THE ONE that he will marry. but the girl has not yet moved on. so now, this girl, well she's hell bent on finding her perfect match.
what's wrong with the scenario?
"she's hell bent on finding her perfect match..."
Whoa! Finding? Really??!
You may ask, what's wrong with finding. Oh trust me something's wrong with it. Here - A WOMAN WAS NEVER MEANT TO FIND. SHE IS THE ONE TO BE FOUND.
first let's dissect the scenario. her boyfriend left her. broke her heart. but why? dont they have a good relationship? let's say they have. let's say they have been together for 5 years already. that's too long right? they have been thru a lot of uphills and downhills yet, we ask, what went wrong? i'll give you options.
A. the girl got too clingy, too needy and too emotional.
B. the guy called it quits because she was just a convenience he could not leave back then but he got the guts and called the whole thing off.
C. they were never meant to be.
what will be your choice? if im the girl, i'd rather believe that C is the answer. that we were just not meant to be. but what if it's A? well, atleast the girl will learn from her mistake and assess herself why she became "too much". But what if it's B? Oh boy! that's the most painful among the choices. To hear that the guy never really loved you and he just stayed because YOU ARE A CONVENIENCE? Tsk tsk tsk. What a jerk right?
let's focus on Option B. She was just a convenience. There are different kinds of convenience. For example, he just likes having her around because she's like a good barkada. Or maybe, he likes to have her around for the sex. Or maybe, she's just to good to him that he thinks she's too convenient to be a comfort zone. But nonetheless, whatever type of convenience the girl was, the fact remains that she was JUST a convenience. Hurtful aint it? trust me, a lot of girls are in that situation right now. and a lot has been into that situation before. Are there really that many jerks in the world? Well YES. But, there are always 2 sides of the coin. The guy was a jerk, we know that already. But what about the girl? What type of girl is she?
The Girl. She's your average girl. pretty but not extraordinary in the looks department. not model type, nor is she the prettiest face in the crowd. typical girl. friendly. bubbly. cheerful. nothing wrong with those description right? but here's the thing, one guy would describe her as EASY. but why? could this be the reason she was just a convenience? could it be that she's tagged as easy because the guy texted her "sweet" text messages for a week and she's already got her heart on her sleeve telling the whole wide world that she's in love? or maybe, she took a liking for guy first, thus she moved heaven and hell just to get him. or maybe, just maybe, it's the subtle way she would always appear out of nowhere to chat with the guy, or maybe presenting food to the guy alluring him to what she can offer. You may ask me, "you call her easy only because of those things? are you nuts? are you judgmental?"
here's the thing, those things are not actions of a woman anchored deeply in her worth as a woman. a woman must wait patiently for the right timing from God. she must not be off pursuing men just because she likes them. she must also not rush off into a relationship without asking God, "is this right?" and hearing it loud and clear that "YES MY DEAR, HE'S THE ONE."
the thing is, most women, they tend to be the girl in the story. i, myself, have been at one point or another have been the girl in the story. and what did i end up with? A BROKEN HEART. BRUISED EGO. RIPPED SOUL. that's what happens when we put our wants and our will above God's.
But you might say, "but Yani, im in a relationship with a Christian man and we have the same beliefs. we pray for each other. i pray to God that He will bless the relationship." let me tell you this,
"you may fall in love with a born-again Christian man and he may be a man after God's own heart but it wont still be the perfect relationship unless God is the author of it."
Girls, never PURSUE. BE PURSUED.
but most especially, WAIT UPON THE LORD. Do not put matters into your own hands.
:)
here's a story:
a girl, well she's heartbroken. not only because her boyfriend left her but also because 2 years and a half after, he finds THE ONE that he will marry. but the girl has not yet moved on. so now, this girl, well she's hell bent on finding her perfect match.
what's wrong with the scenario?
"she's hell bent on finding her perfect match..."
Whoa! Finding? Really??!
You may ask, what's wrong with finding. Oh trust me something's wrong with it. Here - A WOMAN WAS NEVER MEANT TO FIND. SHE IS THE ONE TO BE FOUND.
first let's dissect the scenario. her boyfriend left her. broke her heart. but why? dont they have a good relationship? let's say they have. let's say they have been together for 5 years already. that's too long right? they have been thru a lot of uphills and downhills yet, we ask, what went wrong? i'll give you options.
A. the girl got too clingy, too needy and too emotional.
B. the guy called it quits because she was just a convenience he could not leave back then but he got the guts and called the whole thing off.
C. they were never meant to be.
what will be your choice? if im the girl, i'd rather believe that C is the answer. that we were just not meant to be. but what if it's A? well, atleast the girl will learn from her mistake and assess herself why she became "too much". But what if it's B? Oh boy! that's the most painful among the choices. To hear that the guy never really loved you and he just stayed because YOU ARE A CONVENIENCE? Tsk tsk tsk. What a jerk right?
let's focus on Option B. She was just a convenience. There are different kinds of convenience. For example, he just likes having her around because she's like a good barkada. Or maybe, he likes to have her around for the sex. Or maybe, she's just to good to him that he thinks she's too convenient to be a comfort zone. But nonetheless, whatever type of convenience the girl was, the fact remains that she was JUST a convenience. Hurtful aint it? trust me, a lot of girls are in that situation right now. and a lot has been into that situation before. Are there really that many jerks in the world? Well YES. But, there are always 2 sides of the coin. The guy was a jerk, we know that already. But what about the girl? What type of girl is she?
The Girl. She's your average girl. pretty but not extraordinary in the looks department. not model type, nor is she the prettiest face in the crowd. typical girl. friendly. bubbly. cheerful. nothing wrong with those description right? but here's the thing, one guy would describe her as EASY. but why? could this be the reason she was just a convenience? could it be that she's tagged as easy because the guy texted her "sweet" text messages for a week and she's already got her heart on her sleeve telling the whole wide world that she's in love? or maybe, she took a liking for guy first, thus she moved heaven and hell just to get him. or maybe, just maybe, it's the subtle way she would always appear out of nowhere to chat with the guy, or maybe presenting food to the guy alluring him to what she can offer. You may ask me, "you call her easy only because of those things? are you nuts? are you judgmental?"
here's the thing, those things are not actions of a woman anchored deeply in her worth as a woman. a woman must wait patiently for the right timing from God. she must not be off pursuing men just because she likes them. she must also not rush off into a relationship without asking God, "is this right?" and hearing it loud and clear that "YES MY DEAR, HE'S THE ONE."
the thing is, most women, they tend to be the girl in the story. i, myself, have been at one point or another have been the girl in the story. and what did i end up with? A BROKEN HEART. BRUISED EGO. RIPPED SOUL. that's what happens when we put our wants and our will above God's.
But you might say, "but Yani, im in a relationship with a Christian man and we have the same beliefs. we pray for each other. i pray to God that He will bless the relationship." let me tell you this,
"you may fall in love with a born-again Christian man and he may be a man after God's own heart but it wont still be the perfect relationship unless God is the author of it."
Girls, never PURSUE. BE PURSUED.
but most especially, WAIT UPON THE LORD. Do not put matters into your own hands.
:)
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Are You Beautiful?
Are you beautiful?
I asked this simple question last night to the girls in my small group at church. They all answered Yes, thought some thought about it first while others answered with confidence. Well, that's for the girls in my small group and for other Christian girls I know. But what about you? What about the others who do not know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)? Do they feel beautiful? Do they feel that they are, in their own little way, the most beautiful of all creation? Or do they live in the shadow of some "perfect" model of beauty or some standard that people and society has put? Or worst, they think they can never be beautiful or that they can never measure up a bit to what we call BEAUTY?
To be honest, if one of the girls last night answered me with a NO, I would have been devastated. A NO would have caused me heartache for the sole reason that NO WOMAN DESERVES TO FEEL UNPRETTY. EVERY WOMAN IS BEAUTIFUL.
Most women tend to disregard this aspect of who they are. They tend to hide their beauty within all the workload, baggy clothes, cheaply done hair color that does not even look good, or too much make-up. We hide in different personas just so we can hide our real beauty. Sadly, we even hide in dysfunctional relationships. Why do we hide? What are we afraid of?
Let's go back to our childhood. Back to the time when all we want to do is play Princess and dress up in anything shimmery and shiny just so we can feel that we are indeed little princesses in a big kingdom. We would always ask the people around us, especially mom and dad, this one simple question yet the answers we get would wound our core, would bring a lot of messages to our hearts. What's the question?
"Am i beautiful?"
Lucky you if your parents dotted on you and would tell you that you are the most beautiful princess in the whole universe. But for most women, it wasnt the case. And they grew up believing that they are not. So should our parents be entirely blamed? Partly, they should be. But not entirely. They are just living in a world east of Eden. So who should be entirely blamed? Let us go back to Creation and to the Fall of Man.
(Excerpts from the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge)
The Crown of Creation (p.22)
We will never truly understand women until we understand this. The scene begins in darkness,
Darkness over the deep and God's breath hovering over the waters. (Gen. 1:2 Alter)
The breathless moment in the dark before the first notes of a great symphony or concert, a play or an epic film. All is formless, empty, dark. Then a voice speaks.
"Let there be light." (Gen. 1:3 Alter)
And suddenly, there is light, pure light, magnificent light. Its radiance will enable us to see now what is unfolding. The voice speaks again, and again.
"Let there be a vault in the midst of the waters, and let it divide water from water." (Gen. 1:6 Alter)
"Let the waters under the heavens be gathered in one place so that the dry land will appear."
(Gen.1:9 Alter)
"Let the earth grow grass plants... and trees bearing fruit..." (Gen. 1:11 Alter)
"Let there be lights in the vault of the heavens..." (Gen.1:14 Alter)
"Let the waters swarm with the swarm of living creatures and let the fowl fly over the earth..." (Gen. 1:20 Alter)
From water and stone, to pomegrenatee and rose, to leopard and nightingale, CREATION ASCENDS IN BEAUTY. What was once formless and empty is now overflowing with life and color and sound and movement in a thousand variations. Most importantly, notice that each creature is MORE intricate and noble and mysterious than the last.
Then somethingtruly astonishing takes place.
God sets his own image on the earth. He creates a being like Himself. He creates a son.
The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed life into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. (Gen.2:7)
It is nearing the end of the 6th day, the end of the Creator's great labor, as Adam steps forth, the image of God, the triumph of his work. He alone is pronounced the son of God. Nothing in Creation even comes close. Truly, the masterpiece seems complete. AND YET, the Master says that something is not good, not right. Something is missing... and that something is EVE.
And the Lord God cast a deep sleep on the human, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs and closed over the flesh where it had been, and the Lord God built the rib He had taken from the human into a woman and He brought her to the human. (Gen. 2:21-23 Alter)
She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. WOMAN. In one last flourish Creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch. Eve is... breathtaking.
Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of Creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God's final touch. She fills a place in the world and no one else can fill.
Isn't that amazing? We, women, are the most beautiful among ALL of His creations. But what happened? Why are we feeling like we are not beautiful? Like we will never measure to what society calls beautiful? Let's step back into the Bible thru the book Captivating.
The Fall of Eve (p.46)
Now the serpent was the shrewdest of all the creatures the Lord God had made. "Really?" he asked the woman. "Did God really say you must not eat any of the fruit in the garden?"
"Of course we may eat it," the woman told him. "It's only the fruit from the tree at the center of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God says we must not eat it or even touch it, or we will die."
"You won't die!" the serpent hissed. "God knows that your eyes will be opened when you eat it. You will become just like God, knowing everything, both good and evil."
The woman was convinced. The fruit looked so fresh and delicious, and it would make her so wise! So she ate some of the fruit. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her. Then he ate it too. (Gen.3:1-6 NLT)
The woman was convinced. That's it? Just like that? In a matter of moments? Convinced of what? look in your own heart - you'll see. Convinced that God was holding out on her. Convinced that she could not trust His heart toward her.
Thus, we are cursed. Woman is cursed with loneliness (relational heartache), with the urge to control (especially her man) and the feeling that we will never measure up to the word beautiful. So who's to blame? Eve? No! She's just a victim, just like you and me. Blame someone who has a special hatred for women.
Special Hatred (p.82)
For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule the world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. (Eph. 6:12 NLT)
Why does Satan make Eve the focus of his assault on humanity?
You may know that Satan was first named Lucifer, or Son of the Morning. It infers a glory, a brightness or radiance unique to him. In the days of his former glory he was appointed a guardian angel. Many believe he was the captain of the angel armies of God. The guardian of the glory of the Lord.
"You were the model of perfection,
full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.
You were in Eden,
the garden of God;
every precious stone adorned you:
ruby, topaz and emerald,
chrysolite, onyx and jasper,
sapphire, turquoise and beryl.
Your settings and mountings were made of gold;
on the day you were created they were prepared.
You were anointed as a guardian cherub,
for so I ordained you.
You were on the holy mount of God;
you walked among the fiery stones." (Ezek. 28:12-14)
Perfect in beauty. That is the key. Lucifer was gorgeous. He was breathtaking. And it was his ruin. Pride entered Lucifer's heart.
"Your heart became proud
on account of your beauty,
and you corrupted your wisdom
because of your splendor." (Ezek. 28:17)
Satan fell because of his beauty. Now his heart for revenge is to assault beauty. He destroys it in the natural world wherever he can. He wreaks destruction on the glory of God in the earth like a psychopath committed to destroying great works of art.
But most especially, HE HATES EVE.
Because she is captivating, uniquely glorious, and he cannot be. She is the incarnation of the beauty of God.
Blame it on Lucifer. Jealous and conceited Lucifer. He hates you because he FEARS who you are; what you are; what you might become. He fears your beauty and our life-giving heart.
Women, it's time to fight. We are fragile in some ways yes but we can fight! We can fight the battle to feel unpretty and inadequate in our lives. How? Close your eyes and picture the moment when all in heaven was crying. God, in all His power, would not stop what was to happen. His one and only Son is already on the cross, about to die so that He can overcome the world, and everything on it. All the lies, all the bitterness, and all the pain. Look onto Christ. He loves YOU. Yes, YOU. In God's eyes, YOU are the most beautiful.
Ever wondered why most of those who received significant healing from God in the bible are women? Women, who at that time was considered to be worthless. For example, the woman with hemorrhage and the dead girl (Mark 5: 21-43) and the Syrophoenician woman (Mark 7:24). Also, who first came to know that Christ has resurrected? It was the women who went to His tomb. What about Martha and Mary? And the widow who offered all that she has? Why are they included in His story? I'd like to think that it's because WOMEN MATTERS TO HIM. He came to earth to free women from the curse. And to bring healing to their hearts. To restore them.
Let me share with you this other simple truth I read from Captivating:
You really wont understand your life as a woman until you understand this:
You are passionately loved by the God of the universe.
You are passionately hated by the Enemy.
The good news there is, the One who loves you is far greater and far more powerful than the enemy.
Women, it's time to stop listening to all the lies of the enemy. Be free. Be beautiful. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL inside out.
"A woman being pursued by her man is at her most beautiful. But a woman being romanced and loved and amazed by her God is the most beautiful. -Gillian Hero Guerrero-Angeles"
Smile beautiful! :)
I asked this simple question last night to the girls in my small group at church. They all answered Yes, thought some thought about it first while others answered with confidence. Well, that's for the girls in my small group and for other Christian girls I know. But what about you? What about the others who do not know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)? Do they feel beautiful? Do they feel that they are, in their own little way, the most beautiful of all creation? Or do they live in the shadow of some "perfect" model of beauty or some standard that people and society has put? Or worst, they think they can never be beautiful or that they can never measure up a bit to what we call BEAUTY?
To be honest, if one of the girls last night answered me with a NO, I would have been devastated. A NO would have caused me heartache for the sole reason that NO WOMAN DESERVES TO FEEL UNPRETTY. EVERY WOMAN IS BEAUTIFUL.
Most women tend to disregard this aspect of who they are. They tend to hide their beauty within all the workload, baggy clothes, cheaply done hair color that does not even look good, or too much make-up. We hide in different personas just so we can hide our real beauty. Sadly, we even hide in dysfunctional relationships. Why do we hide? What are we afraid of?
Let's go back to our childhood. Back to the time when all we want to do is play Princess and dress up in anything shimmery and shiny just so we can feel that we are indeed little princesses in a big kingdom. We would always ask the people around us, especially mom and dad, this one simple question yet the answers we get would wound our core, would bring a lot of messages to our hearts. What's the question?
"Am i beautiful?"
Lucky you if your parents dotted on you and would tell you that you are the most beautiful princess in the whole universe. But for most women, it wasnt the case. And they grew up believing that they are not. So should our parents be entirely blamed? Partly, they should be. But not entirely. They are just living in a world east of Eden. So who should be entirely blamed? Let us go back to Creation and to the Fall of Man.
(Excerpts from the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge)
The Crown of Creation (p.22)
We will never truly understand women until we understand this. The scene begins in darkness,
Darkness over the deep and God's breath hovering over the waters. (Gen. 1:2 Alter)
The breathless moment in the dark before the first notes of a great symphony or concert, a play or an epic film. All is formless, empty, dark. Then a voice speaks.
"Let there be light." (Gen. 1:3 Alter)
And suddenly, there is light, pure light, magnificent light. Its radiance will enable us to see now what is unfolding. The voice speaks again, and again.
"Let there be a vault in the midst of the waters, and let it divide water from water." (Gen. 1:6 Alter)
"Let the waters under the heavens be gathered in one place so that the dry land will appear."
(Gen.1:9 Alter)
"Let the earth grow grass plants... and trees bearing fruit..." (Gen. 1:11 Alter)
"Let there be lights in the vault of the heavens..." (Gen.1:14 Alter)
"Let the waters swarm with the swarm of living creatures and let the fowl fly over the earth..." (Gen. 1:20 Alter)
From water and stone, to pomegrenatee and rose, to leopard and nightingale, CREATION ASCENDS IN BEAUTY. What was once formless and empty is now overflowing with life and color and sound and movement in a thousand variations. Most importantly, notice that each creature is MORE intricate and noble and mysterious than the last.
Then somethingtruly astonishing takes place.
God sets his own image on the earth. He creates a being like Himself. He creates a son.
The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed life into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. (Gen.2:7)
It is nearing the end of the 6th day, the end of the Creator's great labor, as Adam steps forth, the image of God, the triumph of his work. He alone is pronounced the son of God. Nothing in Creation even comes close. Truly, the masterpiece seems complete. AND YET, the Master says that something is not good, not right. Something is missing... and that something is EVE.
And the Lord God cast a deep sleep on the human, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs and closed over the flesh where it had been, and the Lord God built the rib He had taken from the human into a woman and He brought her to the human. (Gen. 2:21-23 Alter)
She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. WOMAN. In one last flourish Creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch. Eve is... breathtaking.
Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of Creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God's final touch. She fills a place in the world and no one else can fill.
Isn't that amazing? We, women, are the most beautiful among ALL of His creations. But what happened? Why are we feeling like we are not beautiful? Like we will never measure to what society calls beautiful? Let's step back into the Bible thru the book Captivating.
The Fall of Eve (p.46)
Now the serpent was the shrewdest of all the creatures the Lord God had made. "Really?" he asked the woman. "Did God really say you must not eat any of the fruit in the garden?"
"Of course we may eat it," the woman told him. "It's only the fruit from the tree at the center of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God says we must not eat it or even touch it, or we will die."
"You won't die!" the serpent hissed. "God knows that your eyes will be opened when you eat it. You will become just like God, knowing everything, both good and evil."
The woman was convinced. The fruit looked so fresh and delicious, and it would make her so wise! So she ate some of the fruit. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her. Then he ate it too. (Gen.3:1-6 NLT)
The woman was convinced. That's it? Just like that? In a matter of moments? Convinced of what? look in your own heart - you'll see. Convinced that God was holding out on her. Convinced that she could not trust His heart toward her.
Thus, we are cursed. Woman is cursed with loneliness (relational heartache), with the urge to control (especially her man) and the feeling that we will never measure up to the word beautiful. So who's to blame? Eve? No! She's just a victim, just like you and me. Blame someone who has a special hatred for women.
Special Hatred (p.82)
For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule the world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. (Eph. 6:12 NLT)
Why does Satan make Eve the focus of his assault on humanity?
You may know that Satan was first named Lucifer, or Son of the Morning. It infers a glory, a brightness or radiance unique to him. In the days of his former glory he was appointed a guardian angel. Many believe he was the captain of the angel armies of God. The guardian of the glory of the Lord.
"You were the model of perfection,
full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.
You were in Eden,
the garden of God;
every precious stone adorned you:
ruby, topaz and emerald,
chrysolite, onyx and jasper,
sapphire, turquoise and beryl.
Your settings and mountings were made of gold;
on the day you were created they were prepared.
You were anointed as a guardian cherub,
for so I ordained you.
You were on the holy mount of God;
you walked among the fiery stones." (Ezek. 28:12-14)
Perfect in beauty. That is the key. Lucifer was gorgeous. He was breathtaking. And it was his ruin. Pride entered Lucifer's heart.
"Your heart became proud
on account of your beauty,
and you corrupted your wisdom
because of your splendor." (Ezek. 28:17)
Satan fell because of his beauty. Now his heart for revenge is to assault beauty. He destroys it in the natural world wherever he can. He wreaks destruction on the glory of God in the earth like a psychopath committed to destroying great works of art.
But most especially, HE HATES EVE.
Because she is captivating, uniquely glorious, and he cannot be. She is the incarnation of the beauty of God.
Blame it on Lucifer. Jealous and conceited Lucifer. He hates you because he FEARS who you are; what you are; what you might become. He fears your beauty and our life-giving heart.
Women, it's time to fight. We are fragile in some ways yes but we can fight! We can fight the battle to feel unpretty and inadequate in our lives. How? Close your eyes and picture the moment when all in heaven was crying. God, in all His power, would not stop what was to happen. His one and only Son is already on the cross, about to die so that He can overcome the world, and everything on it. All the lies, all the bitterness, and all the pain. Look onto Christ. He loves YOU. Yes, YOU. In God's eyes, YOU are the most beautiful.
Ever wondered why most of those who received significant healing from God in the bible are women? Women, who at that time was considered to be worthless. For example, the woman with hemorrhage and the dead girl (Mark 5: 21-43) and the Syrophoenician woman (Mark 7:24). Also, who first came to know that Christ has resurrected? It was the women who went to His tomb. What about Martha and Mary? And the widow who offered all that she has? Why are they included in His story? I'd like to think that it's because WOMEN MATTERS TO HIM. He came to earth to free women from the curse. And to bring healing to their hearts. To restore them.
Let me share with you this other simple truth I read from Captivating:
You really wont understand your life as a woman until you understand this:
You are passionately loved by the God of the universe.
You are passionately hated by the Enemy.
The good news there is, the One who loves you is far greater and far more powerful than the enemy.
Women, it's time to stop listening to all the lies of the enemy. Be free. Be beautiful. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL inside out.
"A woman being pursued by her man is at her most beautiful. But a woman being romanced and loved and amazed by her God is the most beautiful. -Gillian Hero Guerrero-Angeles"
Smile beautiful! :)
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