if the unexpected happens...

i was reading the newest book of one of my favorite author Nicholas Sparks for the past few days and i cant help but be envious of the way he writes. i found myself wishing i can write as good as him but i know i will fall short of the writer that he is. oh well, that's not the reason i decided to blog tonight. i decided to blog tonight because something in his book, Safe Haven, tugged at my heart.

the male protagonist named Alex is a widower. before he found the female protagonist Katie/Erin, he was married to Carly. but 5 years into their marriage, she was suddenly diagnosed with 3 brain tumors. 1 was removed by the doctors but 2 of the tumors were already spreading in her brain like spiders. they cannot get the tumors without damaging her brain. weeks, months passed and she was already succumbing to her illness. her body can't fight it anymore. she would be sleeping longer hours and day by day, she would be weaker and weaker. until one day, she fully succumbed and surrendered the fight to live. she died due to her brain tumors. it was so unexpected. before she was diagnosed with brain tumors, she was still full of life and energy. no one ever suspected that she has 3 brain tumors already. she left behind Alex, her husband, and two kids.

this is what tugged at my heart.

you see, i was a sickly kid. i would be diagnosed here and there with this and that. people at home used to have this running joke that when God showered sickness on earth, i was wide awake with my arms open wide. most of the time, the diagnosis would always surprise me. no i wont elaborate the illnesses i have so as for you not to pity me or anything. i want people to read that i am a happy girl despite and inspite of because I AM. but right now, having finished reading the book and having passed 4 funeral march yesterday and attending a funeral wake, i cant help but realize that life most often than not leads us to something unexpected.

last night as we were waiting for transportation to pass by, I talked to Jeremy about my requests when the day comes that i die. He wouldnt hear any of it. The mere thought of losing me hurts him and he doesnt want to hear what i had to say last night. well, who would even want to hear someone you love speak of dying right? but here's the thing. life is so unpredictable. what if one day i dont wake up anymore? what if one day, i suddenly get diagnosed with something deadly? what if, what if. two words that i dread being said together. but nonetheless, they get said.

so what if i die unexpectedly?

i know my mom, my dad and everyone in the family will cry.
Jeremy will too. Just the thought of me dying makes him teary-eyed already so i know that if that happens he will cry.
and if only i can cry, i will too. because i'll be leaving all of them behind. especially Jeremy.

the mere thought of dying made me cry this morning. i dont want to leave all of them behind. i dont want to die unmarried to the most wonderful man. i dont want to die without being a mom. in short, i dont want to die yet. i found myself crying to God early today asking Him to extend my life. i found myself asking Him wholeheartedly to extend my life until 90. so that i can grow old with Jeremy, watch our kids grow up and have their own family, and to play with our grandkids. but despite of me crying out to God, i couldnt help but make a sort of request list for Jeremy. something he should read only when i die. it's a list of things i want him to do. a list of the things he wouldnt hear last night. i may not die this year, or next, or 5 years from now but atleast i would die prepared. i would die with a note for him. a note that i want him to read and to promise me that he will fulfill each request that i wrote there. and yes, one of my requests is for him to find happiness again after my death. for him to find love and be loved again. morbid? well, i'd rather die knowing that atleast i will leave earth having told him how much i love him, how much i care. i dont want to die without telling him how much he made me the happiest girl.

so Jeremy baby, when the unexpected happens, atleast you'll know i left you a note. something you should only read when i die. which i hope would be so many years from now. like when i'm already 90 and you are 94.

i hope God listened.
because i dont want to leave earth just yet.

i want to live because i know i still need and still want to love.

when fear sets in...

I have always been a very secure girl. I have very minimal insecurities in my system and I have always hated insecure girls. The only insecurity I have is towards girls who sing really really well. But I wasn't blessed with that gift of voice so I have to make do with what I have.

I am beautiful, intelligent, talented, witty and charming. I have always been the "bibo" kid in school because I have always been a member and officer of a lot of organizations. In every school program and every contest, I would be there organizing, hosting or as a contestant. In short, feeling ko lahat kaya ko.

I have always been an achiever. Bringing pride to my parents with all the contests I won, every extra curricular activity I'm part of, and every achievement I got. I was always being sent here and there to represent the school, to join this and that or to just simply attend school conferences.

Quiz bees, declamation, impromptu speaking contests, debate, beauty contest. Name all the contests you can find in a school and I've joined them. Most of the time the results are great. Well, except for a math quiz bee I didn't dare join because I hate math. Or should I say math hates me.

Dance troupe, book club, religious clubs, honor society, YMCA, Rotary Club, CMLI, writers' club, debate club, school paper, year level assembly. I was a member or officer of all those clubs. How did I fit them into my student's schedule I cant fathom but I would always excel in all of those clubs.

You see, I thought I can do all things. I thought I will excel in everything except Math and Singing. I mean, why wouldnt I think that way when all my life people would always tell me im good at all the things I do. I have always been showered with words that boost my moral as a kid and as a student. Most adults think i'll be the most successful in my batch.

Until...

Fear sets in.

I know I can do a lot. My mom would always tell me that I can do a lot of things but one day I might end up a jack of all trades master of none. Well, that's when fear crept in.

I dont want to be a master of none. I wanted to be a master of one. A master of what I really do best. But I have a dilemma. I couldnt pinpoint which is my real strength. Or should I say, I'm just afraid to really use that strength and pursue my dream.

I am afraid. Afraid to fail.

I know what it is that I really want to do with my life aside from that desire to be a wife and a mom. I know I want to be a WRITER. There is a strange bond between me and words that I cannot fathom. I am in my happiest state whenever I'm in front of a pen and a paper or my computer. I get so happy whenever people would praise something that I wrote or would tell me they got inspired by my writings. I cant even wait to hear comments once the school paper gets released back then. And now on my blog, I would always check the stats on my blogsite to know how many views my blog got. I feed on them. I feed on compliments on my writing. That alone can make me the happiest girl in the world (aside from my future husband and family of course). But i fear...

I fear that I might not complete a book. I fear that I might not get published. I fear that no one would like the book that I want to write.

Don't get me wrong. I want to write. I love to write. I've got so many ideas and thoughts in my head and I cannot contain all of them. They are like my Pallas Athena and I am Zeus. But I can never get the guts to write something and ask a publisher to review it for me. It scares me that I might get rejected a hundred times. or worse, I'm scared that not even one of my writings will get liked by any publisher.

Jeremy tells me I write very well. My mom thinks so too. My friends feel the same also. But I still cant get the courage to finally continue this manuscript i've started to do. It's not that i dont lack inspiration. I have a lot of that actually. But the reason I cannot continue what I started is always that big F word. FEAR. Fear of being a failure.


Courage. Where art thou? I need you now. Get in here and give me the strength to really pursue my dream of becoming a published writer. Or else, I may never really find the strength to be what I really want most for my career - to be a WRITER.

try before i buy

i was favored by God with time to be able to attend Church yesterday with my friends and Jeremy and yesterday's topic was about SEX. The whole month of February, our church series is entitled LOVE LIFE and for 3 weeks, the topics revolve around LOVE, MARRIAGE and SEX. the preachings on Marriage and Sex became very informative for me this year as compared to last year because this year, I know I am really preparing to be a wife. so in line with the Love life series, here's a blog about the topic on Sex. (i blogged about last week's preaching on marriage in my blog Investing on a Christian Marriage)

before Pastor Julius Fabregas started his preaching, he showed us a video clip of the movie No Strings Attached. at the end of the clip, the character portrayed by Natalie Portman asked the character played by Ashton Kutcher this very alarming question. She asked, "Why can't we just have sex?" I was like shaking my head and saying, "WHAT THE!" (okay disclaimer. i didnt really intentionally finish the expression with the F-word so please no to legalism here.) How can a girl be the one to ask that and why should someone even ask that! Im not saying im blameless or i've never really been sinful. of course everyone falls short of being blameless and our sinful nature often takes over. but when you come to the point that as a woman you already know your worth in Christ and your worth as a woman, you'll know that SEX shouldnt come first before LOVE and MARRIAGE. and sex should only be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage.

So why cant we really just have sex? here's why.

* 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8

  "(1)Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to PLEASE GOD, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. (2)For you know what instructions we gave you by the AUTHORITY of the Lord Jesus. (3)It is by God's will that you should be sanctified; that you should AVOID sexual immorality; (4)that each of you should LEARN to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, (5)not in passionate LUST like the heathen, who does not know God; (6)and that in this matter no one should WRONG his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. (7)For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a HOLY LIFE. (8) Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but REJECTS GOD, who gave you His Holy Spirit.(footnote, all capitalized words are the points discussed in the preaching yesterday.)

PLEASE GOD. Our role as Christians is not to live in the world but to live as disciples whose lives are pleasing to Him. We live for His pleasure and honor. We live to glorify Him. As a couple, OUR STORY SHOULD BE FOR HIS GLORY (ptr. Dennis and Thammie).

AUTHORITY. When God wants us to do something for Him, He does not give us suggestions. He gives us COMMANDS. He does this not because he is a KJ God but because He knows us far better than we know ourselves and He knows that if He will let us rule our lives without Him giving us commands, we are going to self-destruct.

AVOID Sexual Immorality. Sex outside marriage is considered sexual immorality. 'Nuff said.

LEARN to control your own body. As human beings, it is normal to get urges. sexual urges for that matter. we are wired that way. it is never wrong to feel those urges. what makes it wrong is what we do with those urges. if a man says He lives in Christ, he should know that fighting those urges is essential in His walk with God and that masturbation is not an answer to his urges. it is always an end result of lust.

LUST. Lust is always wrong. It diminishes the power of LOVE. It twists the context of sex and of love. Lust makes you hungry for more and more of something that is not right.

NO ONE SHOULD WRONG HIS BROTHER. When you give in to sexual immorality, it's not that you and your partner are not hurting anyone because of what you are doing. in fact you are hurting a lot. you are hurting his/her future spouse (if it's not going to be you). you are hurting a future mother and father in law. you are hurting a mother and a father. and all of those people are your brothers and sisters in Christ. it is also in this context that the word DEFRAUDING comes in. if the two of you are not really meant to be for each other and you know it in you heart, you defraud the other person by having sex with him/her. WHEN YOU HAD MULTIPLE SEX PARTNERS YOU LOSE THE ABILITY TO BOND WITH YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE.

A HOLY LIFE. Your passion for Christ takes care of you hunger for lust.

REJECTING GOD. Rejecting His commands makes you reject Him as your God. For how can you say Lord, Lord when you do not do as He says. Right?


Sex outside marriage leads to pain brokenness, frustrations and broken relationships. Often times it can also lead to depression when you are the girl's first sex. When the two of you breaks up, it will make it so hard for her to let you go because she will always hope that you will return to her one day.

THERE IS NO CONTRACEPTIVE TO GUARD THE HEART.

NO PILL TO STOP THE HEART FROM BLEEDING ONCE THE RELATIONSHIP WHERE SEX IS PRESENT ENDS.

MEN, DO NOT TRY BEFORE YOU BUY. A WOMAN IS WORTH MORE THAN RUBIES OR ANY GEM AND ONLY HER GOD'S BEST SHOULD BE THE ONE TO GO TO BED WITH HER ONCE THEY ARE MARRIED. A MAN SHOULD BE WILLING TO PAY A LIFETIME FOR HER WORTH.

pursue her forever...

because of a couple that had lunch here at the restaurant, well here is another blog. they are just your normal, typical middle aged couple. but when they entered the door i noticed this - the husband did not even held it for the wife. and when they left, he was walking so far ahead of his wife. tsk tsk tsk. he did not even held the car door for her. i know that in our present time, the word CHIVALRY has lost its real meaning. most guys when you get on a bus and they see an old lady would ride the bus and there are no seats available, most of them would not stand up to offer their seat and others would even look away or put on the poker face and look like they did not notice the old lady. some would even have this twisted notion of the word chivalry. most guys i noticed would not give up his seat for an old woman but they would give it up for a sexy girl or a beautiful one. tsk tsk tsk... and they call themselves MEN. going back to the couple, it saddens me that the husband treats the wife that way. i dont know what the state of their relationship is but atleast he should have been gentleman enough to hold the door for her, to wait for her and to open the car door for her. call me a hopeless romantic but i have always pictured couples getting older together but sweeter as the years pass by. i remember a friend of mine from my first work place. he would always assist the girls from our office when we go up or down the stairs, and he would always open doors for us even if he has a lot of things in his hand. he does the same to his wife, the only difference is he would do it extra sweetly to her. that's how precious she is in his eyes. how loved, how taken cared of.

according to married women i talk to, some of the husbands nowadays fail to keep this one thing in mind. that pursuing their wives do not end when at the day of the wedding. pursuing the wife is lifelong. i remember being told at church that A MAN SHOULD BE WILLING TO PAY A LIFETIME FOR A WOMAN'S WORTH WITH INTEREST! a woman was a blessing that God has given to you and it should be pursued, taken cared of, and loved FOREVER. not only until the day she says I DO. how can a man say he is a man and he is following Christ if he does not do to his wife what Christ does to His church. how can a man say he walks in God's light if he does not treat every aspect of his life as God-given? that includes his precious wife, a princess in God's eyes. it's a sad to embrace the fact that not all men are wired to be like that. not all men would look unto God as their role model in loving. with this fact that we are faced with, as godly women of God our task is to pray for godly men to rise up from the present generation so that God's princesses would be loved in the right way, the way God has designed them to be loved. men, there are a lot of women out there praying for their God's best. the prayer of YOUR God's best will take too long to be answered if you dont shape up and become the godly man that you should be. shape up man! you are meant to be the head, the provider, the protector. and with that responsibility comes a command from God - TO LOVE YOUR WIFE AS CHRIST LOVES HIS CHURCH(Ephesians 5:25). it is a command to every husband, to every man. a command that God has given. so the next time you say, I AM A GODLY MAN, check first the way you treat your wife, your fiance or your girlfriend. 

when the hand of God seems missing in your life

not all days are a bed of roses. not all days are a happy one. there will be days that you would want to cry out in pain, or punch someone out of anger. there are days you will praise God for the blessings and there will be days that you will question God for the storms. most of us only sees God when we are happy, joyful or blessed. most of us fail to see that God is still there, He is still God even when we are sad, hurt or angry.

His power as God is not dependent on the number of people He has made happy for a day nor is it measurable by the number of prayers He answered in a day. in fact, when you really know who God is, you will say He makes everyone in His creation happy and joyous every day. He even answers every big and small prayers we have for Him. His power is not dependent on our circumstances nor is it diminished by out situations. His power as God is never ending, never lacking, and never too short to reach you.

some of us thinks that whenever we sin, God does not love us anymore. so untrue. inspite and despite of our sins, He still loves us unconditionally. the cross is enough proof. even before the present generation was bborn, even before we committed our sins, God had already forgiven every one of them by giving us the life of His ONE AND ONLY SON. He gave us the blood of His precious Son as ransom for our transgressions and to cleanse us of all our iniquities. Thats how much He loves us. His love is not dependent on the number of sins we have, nor on the number of times we stumbled and bounced back. His love will always depend on His overflowing love for all of His creation, and from His unchanging state. His love yesterday is still the same today and tomorrow.

when you feel like His hands are missing from your life, think again. He is everywhere. He is in every tiny detail of your life, of your day, of your circumstances. it's not that He left you to ponder things on your own, to solve problems on your own or to sulk in your little corner alone. He is always there, interested in every little detail of your day, of your problem or dilemma and He is just waiting for you to talk to Him. to surrender everything to Him. its not that He does not trust your capabilities to solve the situation, its just that He loves you so much He does not want to burden you anymore with solving the situation. He just wants you to talk to Him and tell Him, "God i cannot do this anymore. can you please take over?" thats all that He's been waiting to hear from you.He was just waiting for you to look at Him and just like a kid, tell Him you want Him to take care of things. He does not want you to be burdened, He wants you to be overjoyed. Overjoyed with the fact that having Him, having Christ in your life is already more than enough blessing that no amount of problems and difficult situations can ever put you down. so the next time that the enemy whispers lies in your ear that God wants to burden you with problems, tell this to Luci, "hey Luci,it's funny how jealous you are that God is never letting go of my hand. you are so jealous that inspite and despite of, He still loves me unconditionally. i may let go of His hands but you know pretty well that HE WILL NEVER LET GO. thats why you want to spoil my day, to ruin my future and to snatch from me the joy that He has placed in my heart."

so keep this in mind the next time you get in a tough situation. GOD WILL NEVER LET GO OF YOUR HANDS BECAUSE HE IS PRESENT EVERY MINUTE, EVERY SECOND OF YOUR LIFE. IN ALL OF THE PEOPLE IN THE UNIVERSE, HE IS CONCERNED ABOUT YOU, YOUR LIFE, YOUR PROBLEMS WHILE HE IS ALSO CONCERNED WITH ME AND EVERYBODY ELSE. THE GOOD PART THERE, NO MATTER HOW MANY BILLION PEOPLE THERE ARE IN THE PLANET, HE IS PRESENT IN ALL OF OUR LIVES. WE JUST FAIL TO SEE HIM, FEEL HIS PRESENCE, AND TO SEE HIS HAND REACHING OUT TO YOU.

investing on a christian marriage...

last sunday Jeremy and I had the opportunity to attend service at VCF greenhills and hear Pastor Dennis Sy and his wife Thammie preach. i was moved by their preaching that i decided to blog about what i learned from the two of them.

the topic that sunday was about marriage and i was blessed to have heard a preaching from a couple whose blogs serve as inspiration for jeremy and me in terms of our relationship. they may not have a perfect marriage (well who does right?) but we can see that God is really the author and center of their relationship. looking at the notes i wrote that sunday, i cant decide on which topic to blog about. they have so many good points in their preaching that every good point deserves a certain blog. but for this blog post, i would rather focus on the topic INVESTING ON A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE.

according to Ptr. Dennis, and i quote, "Most people invest on a Christian wedding but they forget to invest on a Christian marriage." when i heard this, i couldnt help but agree with a resounding TRUE! most people only plan THE wedding day but most couples fail to plan for what comes next after the wedding - THE MARRIAGE. most couples will spend so much time on planning the wedding day, the pre nuptial photos, the venue whether it be a beach or a garden, the reception, the wedding dress, the entourage and the rings that they forget to invest more time on planning about the marriage. yes, people will remember what the bride wore for that day, what the groom looks like and if he was crying as the bride was walking towards him, how moving their vows are, what the motif was, how was the food, and the venue of the wedding but all of these will fade once the couple starts fighting, starts arguing over every little detail, and once the marriage falls apart only to end up in separation.

let me share with you something Jeremy and i have been doing a lot lately. ever since we started being officially together, we started to discuss things that we think might cause problems for us in the future. we have started to discuss details in our lives we feel like the other should know so that when the time comes that someone outside the relationship would tell of that certain detail in our life, the other wouldnt be surprised and feel dishonored because he/she doesnt know about that. we have also started asking questions about little things that might affect the marriage. one example was when Jeremy asked me if i am particular about the toothpaste tube because he pinches the tube from the middle instead of squeezing the tube from the bottom. i know of certain couples that argue a lot over that matter and I thank God that for me, it doesnt matter where you squeeze the tube just as long as you put it back to where it came from. another thing that we do is we discuss what we would feel and do whenever a certain situation would arise in the marriage. we play the "what if" game so that we would atleast get an idea on how the other reacts on a certain situation. doing this prepares the couple from future misunderstandings and spares the couple from hurt feelings and egos. it is a fact that when 2 people are mad or angry, they tend to say harsh and uncalled for words that hurt the other's feelings. doing the what if game makes it known to you how he/she would feel and think about a certain situation so atleast when that certain situation arises, you already have an information on how he/she would deal with it. with this, you can expect to have less problems to argue about and less times to fight.

speaking of fight, Ptr. Dennis put emphasis on one point of his preaching. He said, FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE, NOT IN YOUR MARRIAGE. when i heard this point, it dawned on me that most couples, married or engaged to be married tends to fight with each other when difficulties arise. both parties tend to put on a warrior's armor. but sadly they became warriors of different kingdoms. fighting. battling with each other. and yes, Jeremy and I are like this at times. well, it seems like we are fighting like that most of the time on that certain week before we heard the preaching. the first time i heard that line from Ptr. Dennis, i got rebuked. that whole week i have put on an armor different from Jeremy's. i was fighting with him from the other side of the field. my walls where as high as the Great Wall of China and the Berlin Wall combined. i wasnt understanding him, i wasnt listening to him. all i can hear is myself telling him he is wrong, he should understand me, and he should be more open-minded. but that shouldnt be the case. it dawned on me upon hearing the line that I shouldnt be fighting against my God's best. i should be fighting with him. it should be ME AND HIM AGAINST THE PROBLEM not ME AGAINST HIM AND THE PROBLEM. if most couples will keep this in mind, then the storms of the relationship will be more bearable. it will spare the couple from heartbreaks, hurt egos and bruised emotions. always remember, your enemy is not your husband or boyfriend. your enemy is the problem and your husband or boyfriend is your team mate, your help mate. when the time comes that you have found your soulmate, your God's best, do not only plan for the perfect wedding but plan to invest on the Godly Christian Marriage.

belated happy hearts day!

blessed, favored, loved...

Jeremy says he cant understand why God has favored me so much He answers everything I ask no matter what the circumstances are. He also wonders why every time I fall short of a godly woman, God would always answer me immediately with comforting verses in the Bible. He says he can't figure out why I am so favored by God that my circumstances are always easier and more blessed. Envious yes he is at times.


Blessed. Yes I think I am. I feel that I am. God has always been so generous with His blessings to me - money, things, people, events and surprises. Some would even tell me I am a girl who should be envied once someone starts counting the blessings He had showered me with. The blessings are already numerous even countless that I have no right to rant and to be sad and to be angry about anything in life. It seems like He knows exactly what I need and what I want exactly at the right moments of my life.


Favored. Have you ever found a girl who walks out of God's will 3x a year only to be brought back again and again, only to be blessed with so much that she cant contain the favors  and blessings and joy? Well, according to Jeremy, I am one girl who is like that. Every time I walk out of God's will, He will always bring me back, blessed me, comfort me, spoil me and love me despite no effort on my part to seek and pursue Him. And mind you, my name Gillian means 'favored by God."


Loved. I dont know why God loves me so much that He always seeks to make me happy and make me feel loved. He loves me so much that I got my God's best after only praying for him  for less than a year. Other girls I know have been praying for years now and are still praying but they are not even getting word from God that the guy is about to wake up or whatnots. While I, on the other hand, have prayed only for a few months when Jeremy had found me, started to pray for me and pursued me. Now Jeremy and I are together, having the best love story God has written for us both.


Blessed. Favored. Loved. Thats is what I am feeling right now. Everyday I wake up thinking, "God, what did I do to deserve all of these blessings? I am the brattiest, most undeserving girl yet You love me so much You sent Your only Son to die for me on the cross. You love me so much that aside from Christ, you blessed me so much to give me the best man for me, my God's best, my answered prayer."

Wanted: The PERFECT Relationship (Found!)

i have always wanted to have the most perfect man just so i can have the most perfect relationship. i have grown tired of breaking hearts and getting my heart broken for the nth time that i have come to the conclusion that in order for me to have the perfect relationship, the guy i will choose should be the perfect guy.

handsome, rich, famous. for some these are the qualities for a perfect partner. he must be eye-candy so that your friends will envy you, he must also be rich so that he can give you everything that you want in life, and he must also be famous so that you will know everybody and all the right connections. mind you, i almost fell into that group of girls who want those qualities in their perfect match. but after my heart getting broken for the nth time, i have come to realize that my perfect partner does not necessarily have to have those qualities.

thus, i sat down one night with a piece of paper and a ballpen in hand to seriously try to remember what i have always wanted in my soulmate, my perfect partner, my future husband... my God's best.

here's the list that i came up with:
1. a man after God's own heart
2. loves the Lord more than me
3. born-again Christian
4. a good and responsible man who will be able to provide well for our future family
5. will be a good father
6. sweet and romantic
7. emphatic and understanding
8. full of life and love for life
9. faithful and loyal
10. caring
11. cuddly
12. should have a face that is easy on the eyes so that i wouldnt get tired of looking at him
13. intelligent and wise
14. kind-hearted
15. talented; musically inclined (plays the bass and knows how to play the drums, plays the acoustic well and can sing)
16. not easily angered
17. full of good surprises
18. someone i can talk to about anything under the sun
19. someone who will love and accept me for who i am and for who i was
20. someone who will accept my eccentricities
21. someone who will know how to spoil me without going overboard
22. someone i can follow
23. who will love my efforts to sing him a song eventhough im out of tune
24. loves kids
25. wants a big family
26. someone i can beat at basketball
27. someone generous to me and to other people
28. someone who loves to eat
29. someone who loves to take pictures
30. someone who loves looking at the sky and the stars
31. someone who loves films

you see, i may have chosen guys who are all like the traits i have mentioned but there are two non-negotiables on this list. first, the man should be a man after God's own heart and secondly, he must be a born-again christian. i may have everything i would want for in a guy but if he isnt a man after God's own heart and a born-again christian, then i wouldnt have the perfect relationship. you see, you may fall in love with a number of born-again christian men and they may be men after God's own heart but it wont still be the perfect relationship unless God is the author of it.

looking back at the teachings i have heard from church, i couldnt help but wonder, will i ever find that perfect man who should be like this and like that; who shouldnt do this and that. but my perspective of things changed when i met HIM.

or should i say, things changed when i woke up one day telling myself he is one man i can see myself following for the rest of my life. he isnt the most handsome guy i've seen nor is he the richest or the most famous but he is the only guy i saw myself following and submitting to without buts or ifs.

he is rugged in style, with piercings and tattoos (a lot of them actually! and he even wants to add 3 more tattoos! pffffft!) and is the exact opposite of my EXs. you see, most of my EXs are clean looking, boy-next-door type of guys who wouldnt really strike you as someone with inks in their body. but behind those piercings and tattoos is the man that God had created to be mine and mine alone. you see, this man is my God's best. the one God had chosen to love me unconditionally til his dying day, the one God had prepared to be exactly what i need in my lifetime partner, and the one God had promised to be the best.

going back to the list i have created, yes all of those things are in him. he is all that and more. are you familiar with the song "I could not ask for more"? yes, i truly cannot ask for more. he is everything i have ever wanted, everything i have always needed, and everything i have always prayed for.

he is the most patient man i have seen for he puts up with even the brattiest side of me or when im the hardest to understand. he is the most loving man i have been with for he knows that loving me includes loving and accepting everyone i love and that includes every man in my life (friends i have who loves me in a romantic way as well).

he makes it a point to bring me home every night despite of his early morning work sked and aside from the fact that he lives in cainta and i live in navotas - miles apart. he spoils me as much as anyone had never done. proof? i was at his office the previous day and i left my id for a visitor's pass at the guard station at his office building. when i got his laptop already, i went done and walked past the guard without even remembering the visitor's pass and the id. as soon as i noticed it dangling from my bag a few meters away as i was walking towards the mall, i texted him that i forgot to return it. his response was something i didnt expect. he said we will just come back for it later. i was expecting he would tell me as my EXs had done when that happened. they would tell me, "then go back. it's just a few steps away." but he did not. he would spoil me that much for me not to retrace my steps because he feels i might get tired if i do go back alone. who wouldnt fall in love with a man like that?

another proof of him spoiling me much and proof that he loves surprising me happened last Christmas eve. i wasnt feeling well that whole day because i was having bouts of acid in my system and it was getting worse as the hours passed by. i mentioned to him that whenever i was sick when i was a kid, my lolo would always go to downtown manila just to get me my favorite hopia from bakers fair. guess what, at 8pm that day, when he should be home preparing for Noche Buena, he came to my house with a plastic full of fruits and my 2 microwaveable containers of my favorite mongo and diced hopia from bakers fair.

and just about tonight, as we finish 7 days of prayer and fasting with the whole Victory Christian Fellowship church, he handed me a letter while we were waiting for our food. it was just a typical letter. written on something he just found at his desk. but what made it special is the fact that i love traditional written letters and he just gave me one just because. the letter tells me how blessed he feels that God had given me to him.

so did i found my perfect relationship? well let me rephrase that. my perfect relationship has found me. it has found me as it was always meant to be. me being found and not me doing the finding. because women are created to be pursued, to be found by the one man God had created to be the pursuer of her heart.

perfect yes, because it is everything i want and need, and everything i have always prayed to God for. perfect yes, because even though there will be storms along the way, the relationship will still stand strong because we have a loving Father up there who authored the relationship and whose hands will not let go of ours even if we come to that point when we both want to give up. perfect because when two souls are already complete in Christ, God will write for both of you your sweetest song...

so save the date. 12.15.12
For what God had opened, let no man separate.