then i was reminded of how i felt last night. i was angry. blame it on the spirits of anger living in my house or blame it on my heart but the bottomline is, i got angry. i wouldnt go into details and person involved but nonetheless, this is a continuation of a past offense, a new one that adds insult to injury. it seems like as days pass, the person seems to add more insult to injury for me and Jeremy. what hurts the most is that lies were uttered right in my face and more lies where being said to different people that surrounds us. forgiven? yes the person was already forgiven. everyday is a struggle to forgive the person but by God's grace it was possible.
but last night, the anger rose up again. i asked God to show me why anger rises up everytime the person does something to irritate me. and here is what He told me:
1. James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Since He already made me His daughter and disciple, i must develop my character. I must persever and endure trials and persecution because no disciple lives in a comfortable safe zone. We live in a world east of Eden. but what makes it easier to live in the fallen world is that we know that God's grace is always available for us.
2. God is teaching me to lower some expectations I have. Most people are not like me and that person definitely isnt like me. I dont do things that the person does and these are the things that offends me. And since I dont do those things, I expected most of the time that others wont do it too. But we are all a work in progress and we were created differently.
3. "I am still working in you and I am working in that person's life as well."
God works in everyone's life, tweaking attitudes that need to be tweaked and I tell you there are a lot of things that needs to be tweaked in my life. But I was comforted with the fact that God is tweaking that certain aspect of that person's life as well. He is not yet done teaching that person a lesson. He is teaching that person OBEDIENCE and LISTENING.
"Make sure that when you PRAY, you also know how to LISTEN to God."
4. "Leave VINDICATION to me."
"This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their VINDICATION from ME." declares the Lord. - Isaiah 54:17
I wanted to lash out, to tell that person right smack in the face that I am mad and furious at what was said and what happened but God reminded me that VINDICATION is His and not mine.
5. "What God has opened, no man can close."
Who is the author of my relationship? It's God. So whoever wants to destroy my relationship with Jeremy is answerable to God. Whoever says things against us will be refuted by God for He is the one who wrote our love story. I dont need to refute any tongue who accuses us of things because God will do it for me. According to Jeremy, "ang bumangga, giba!".
what struck me the most from my talk with God was this, "When we pray, we must also listen." Yes, God hears us and He wants to answer every prayer that we have. But do we ask ourselves, do we pray for the right things? or do we pray for the ones that are not included in His will? When we pray, do we really hear HIS answer or do we hear the answers according to OUR HEARTS' DESIRES? Sadly, there are people who are supposedly walking in His light, walking as His disciple but they are having a hard time LISTENING to God and OBEYING Him especially if it involves their hearts' desires.
I hope the next time that that person prays, LISTENING should be present. and OBEDIENCE too.
<3
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