Life isn't like the movies. Life, and love,
is harder in real life than they are in movies. In cinema, the guy always gets
the girl and they set off into the sun, holding hands without a care of the
world around them. They are happy, and no antagonist or cruel witch can ever
destroy that happiness. Everything is possible in cinema. A poor lumberyard
laborer gets the rich, affluent girl of his dreams even though years after
their summer love, she’s already set to marry a lawyer from an old Southern
rich family. Two bookstore owners hate each other in person but falls in love
over the Internet. A young lady spending the summer in a holiday camp with her
family falls in love with the dance instructor and they had the time of their
lives.
I’ve
always been in love with cinema. Ever since a little girl, I’d look forward to
movie dates with my parents. Every Christmas day, we would watch film fest
entries. I’ve daydreamed of writing and directing my own movie based on some
real people I met in my life. My life, or some parts of it, even unfolded like
a movie scene right in front of my eyes. Some in color, some in black and
white. Some ended abruptly, like a bad movie you would want to be refunded for,
while some lasted more than the usual 1 hour and a half run time of a movie. A
few chapters even ran longer than the longest Lav Diaz film.
Having
an eidetic memory does not seem to help at all. Every pain, every bit of
sadness I’ve ever experienced can sometimes be like a movie projected reel by
reel, frame by frame. Sometimes there would be a voice in my head that would
shout “Cut!” while often times, the projectionist inside my head seems to
fallen asleep while he projects that pain I have been through, making me
relieve every bit of pain involved in those memories. It’s harder on those days
that used to have a significant meaning for me. Like the day of a first date
with a guy I really fell for. Or the day I fell in love with someone. Or, the day
my boyfriend married somebody else. Most of those dates seem part of the whole
movie entitled Gillian’s Past.
In
cinema, the guy would always arrive just in the nick of time. The words “too
late” do not seem to be welcome in any romantic movie you will ever watch. The
girl would try to leave, the guy would run to where she is, arrive in the nick
of time to tell her he loves her and asks her to stay. In life, “too late”
seems to be the norm. We’re too busy taking for granted the people who love us
so much that when the time comes that they are gone, we realize how much they
matter. Or how much we love them too. I should know. I’ve been “too late” more
than once. Too late to realize I’m in love with a guy, too late to realize I’m
taking someone for granted, too late to tell someone how I really felt. And unlike a movie where you can always press
rewind if you missed a scene, in life there is no rewind button to push when
you’ve missed an opportunity to tell someone that you love them.
Life
isn’t like the movies. Life’s harder. Love is sometimes bitter. But unlike the
movies, life continues on after 1 hour and a half. Life is much more dramatic,
but much more colorful. And love, well, love is much more complicated in real
life but much sweeter when you finally realized you want to spend the rest of
your life with someone who loves you just the same.
