Late 2008, while I was on the phone with comedian Tado Jimenez, he mentioned the term Cinderella Complex. Upon Google-ing information about the term Cinderella Complex, I decided to have that for my college thesis. I was a Mass Communication student and at first my professors were doubtful of how I will include a psychological term on a thesis for Mass Communication. But we pulled it off (I've got 2 teammates, Sunshine and Erika). The title of our thesis was, The Effects of Television Programs on the Cinderella Complex of Women ages 17-21.
Now years after I have read the book by Colette Dowling, researching about the said complex, making surveys and writing the conclusion based on every document that we found, here I am writing about the Cinderella Complex again. This time, to retract my thoughts about the thesis basing my thoughts this time from the Bible.
The Cinderella Complex - The Cinderella complex was first described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book on women's fear of independence, as an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others, based primarily on a fear of being independent. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grows older.
Colette Dowling attempts to define women as being motivated by an unconscious desire to be taken care of as a fear of independence termed "Cinderella complex". An important aspect of the work can be defined as identifying an aspect of a larger phenomenon as to why women choose to stay in dysfunctional relationships.
This phenomenon can be defined as a syndrome characterized by a series of specific motivations or causes. Dowling identifies only one motivation, while the syndrome is in fact a combination of many motivations, which are in themselves characteristics that make up a complex.
The term syndrome has been largely used to define conditions apparent in medicine. However, in recent decades the term has been used outside of medicine to refer to a combination of phenomena seen in association.
I would want to share my conversations via email with the author herself Colette Dowling but I have lost accessed with my email account because the thief who stole my iPod Touch changed my password and I have not gained access to it anymore. In that thread of email, she explained further the complex that she authored. So despite of my want to give you her side of the spectrum, you're stuck with information straight from the internet, and not from the author herself.
Before we go to the main topic which is the complex itself, let us find out first about the character from whom the complex was named after. Who is she?
Cinderella. She is from a folk tale embodying a myth-element of unjust oppression/triumphant reward. Thousands of variants are known throughout the world. The title character is a young woman living in unfortunate circumstances that are suddenly changed to remarkable fortune. The word "Cinderella" has, by analogy, come to mean one whose attributes are unrecognized, or one who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect.
There are many versions of Cinderella, or should I say, Cinderella was derived from different stories around the globe but only 3 are popular versions of it. Cenerentola, Cinderella and Aschenputtel. The most popular is Charles Perrault's version which is the one adapted by Disney for their Cinderella movie.
Now that we have defined the complex and the main character, let's discuss the complex.
The Cinderella complex can be simplified as the FEAR OF INDEPENDENCE. Psychology says women have the strong NEED to be SAVED. We women have always been tagged as DAMSELS in DISTRESS and that we need a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR to come and save us. This need goes two ways. For some women, they tend to be so needy, so clingy, so emotional, and so fragile. But for some women, they would opt for the other side of the spectrum. They would tend to be too strong, too stiff, too caught up in work that they have no time to socialize, too legalistic about things, and simply too much to handle for the people around them. But do not be fooled by these women says Dowling. They are not really who they are. On the inside, they are trying to hide their need to be taken care of, the fear to be independent.
On my thesis, based on the surveys, the TV programs (telenobelas to be exact, the likes of Pangako Sa'yo, Marimar, Mula Sa Puso etc.) are nurturing the need of women for a savior. For someone to come and carry them off to paradise so that they wont have to face their problems anymore. Most of our respondents are wishing for an Angelo Buenavista(Pangako Sayo lead role portrayed by Jericho Rosales) to come in a red car, sweep them off their feet and fight for his love for them. Or for a Fernando Jose to get them out of their misery and marry them. Most of our respondents are wishing for a fairy tale romance. One wherein they would be saved.
What was sad about the result of that survey is that most young women, those studying in the University Belt area, would rather stick in dysfunctional and abusive relationships just because they are hoping that these men will be able to someday save them.
When we were done with the thesis, I have concluded that TV shows have really nurtured that need and women who feed off from these TV shows are really not helping themselves and their Cinderella complex. Back then, I was for the eradication of the complex. I did not want women suffering from this complex because for me, women should never be fearful of being independent, of being free and that they should never count on someone to save them.
But guess what, a year after I have closed the book on Cinderella complex, my hands found another book and my eyes could not stop from reading the words on that book. It is entitled Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's soul. (I have blogged about it before you can check my blog Are You Beautiful? for further details.) I found out that the so-called Cinderella complex that Dowling wrote about is rooted deep within ever woman's heart not because it should be a weakness but because the need to be saved is part of a something greater.
A woman's heart is a portion of God's. In it, He placed a part of Himself while a part of Himself, he also put into man. The book Captivating says there is a longing in every woman's heart to be saved, to be rescued. In the book Wild at Heart by the same author, it says that in every man's heart is the need to save and rescue the princess. Both of these needs are from God. The need in a man is a mirror of who God is. He longs to save us, to rescue us and just to take care of us. He loves us that much. The need in a woman's heart is a mirror of another side of God, the one that wants us to search for Him, to seek Him and to be longed for by us.
So am I still for the eradication of the Cinderella complex? No. There is no need to eradicate that need in women. We just have to have our needs filled up by the one true source of everything - God. He placed that need and longing in our hearts so that we will always seek Him, search for Him and love Him all of our days.
Jeremiah 29:13-14
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
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