Just posting an email I sent to my baby months ago... :D
hi baby!
i know you are hard at work right now and there seems to be so much to do there. but let me steal a moment of your time so you can read this email. dont be nervous im not going to break up with you. not via email atleast. joke! im never breaking up with you. :D
you remember you would ask yourself why you are so sensitive towards me about a lot of things? i think i kinda know why. you see, i was in your position so many times before. i've been the sensitive one, the needy one, the clingy one in those relationships where i didnt really feel loved as much as i hoped for. those times i prayed to God that i want the time to come that someone would be sensitive to my needs and wants, that someone who would be needy towards me, someone that would be clingy to me. lo and behold, i got you. you do to me the things i used to do to those who didnt really made an effort to make me feel loved inspite of me giving my all. yes, i got an answered prayer and that's you. but most of the time, i feel like im being unfair to you. i wanted someone so much that would do to me as i used to do to others that i tend to forget that you deserve my all more than anyone of them. i was too lost in the notion that i needed to feel the things i have not felt that i couldnt open my eyes to the posibility of me doing those things again. i felt like im doing things on a minimal level, scared that if i will go on a full throttle, i might crash and burn. unfair aint i? i just want to say sorry that it took me all these months to realize this. forgive me for not giving as much as you want. but it did not mean i loved you less than any one of them. its just that the efforts were lacking.
it also dawned on me these past few days why i would always get mad whenever you would try to control me and change me. its not that you really did it. its just that most times, it felt like you were doing so. you wanted me to lessen this and that, to be more like this and that. i never wanted to be controlled because it never really dawned on me what it truly means to love someone and be loved as much in return. you know that most of those guys did not really love me as much as you do so most of them did not really care enough to put me in my right position and to tell me when im already being a pain in the ass. but you do, and most of the time, i tend to look at it as a nagging need to change me. forgive me for feeling those things? please do. it was only this week that i felt like changing for you is not a burden but a delight. it started when i went to the fort, met with gelo and did not even bother to give him a bear hug like we used to do. it surprised me yes, not only because i did not hear any reminder from you not to be too touchy when you know that il be meeting up with a good guy friend, but also because it felt like something i voluntarily did.
i hope in time i get to be what i really should be for you, without feeling pressured to do so. i hope i get to be able to take care of our relationship pretty well so that someday, when our ghosts and skeletons in the closet came running after us, we wouldnt give up the relationship we built not only for us but for the sake of our kids.
i love you so much... much more than life itself. you taught me how to really love, and you made me feel loved in its fullest extent. i love you, i know you know this already but i will never get tired of saying that to you. you are my God's best, my soulmate, my bestfriend, my husband to be, my answered prayer, my love.
sige na go back to work na. :D
Yani's Canaan... blogs and stories about God, Relationships, Life and Love.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Going Back to January...
Ever since I became a Christian, I've always looked forward to January because I'm so excited for the annual Prayer and Fasting at church. Last year, I had a very wonderful time seeking God and hearing from Him answers to my prayers. And last year, He answered all my prayer goals. This year, I was so excited to seek Him. Until...
I got a call from someone. He told me that the baby I was helping, the one I was raising funds for, died already. That time I got the information, I went numb. I was shocked. Speechless. How can the baby die if the group I left was able to raise half the amount needed? I tried to answer the questions on my mind but there are no answers I can think of. All I can think of was I was a failure as a leader. I led the team to raise funds yet when we were nearing the project's end, I dropped out of it. I was already losing faith that we were able to get the amount needed and the head of the mission team told me we need to hustle up. If there's a need not to sleep just so we can finish it, we should he said. But I know I cannot do that. At that time, I recently resigned from a workplace that I consider an extension of hell on earth, and my finances arent really that good. I would go to our every week activity with only 200 pesos in my pocket. 150 pesos from that amount is how much my fare is from home to the place then back home. So that left me with just 50 pesos for food. Those times, I experienced eating at odd places in Makati just so I can budget my remaining money. When I couldnt take it all anymore, I sat down one day and just talked (ranted) and prayed to God. I cant remember the exact Bible verse He gave me but he told me to stop and trust His power. So I decided to stop, drop out from the project and just do the best I can do at that time - intercede for the baby and the project. People told me back then that the general rule in saving other people is to save yourself first. You cannot help others if you are in danger. And at that time, I know my health and my pocket is already at risk.
When I found out that the baby died, I couldnt help but blame myself. Had I not drop out the mission, he would have been able to go to Taiwan to have his operation. We would have sent him there complete with all the funds they need. And the cranes we made for him would have been waiting for him when he gets home. But the cranes would no longer wait for someone. The little angel that was my reason to wake up every everyday from July to October is no longer on earth.
I BLAMED MYSELF. And I QUESTIONED GOD. And up to now, I still dont know why the baby died. I still dont know if it was really God who told me to stop and drop the mission because He wants me to focus on Him because I've been neglecting quiet times with Him those days that I would be focused on the fundraising. Or was it just my inner self telling me that I was already burnt out from the mission, Ian's constant nagging about me not doing enough, and my depressing lack of finances that time.
Six months after, tonight, a good friend of mine crossed my mind and I had the urge to check his facebook wall. He helped with the fundraising by the way. He was always there every week to play the piano for the guests. When I saw his wall, I found out that he died already last January. That fact told me that I lost two people close to me that month. After finding out that he died, the baby crossed my mind and I searched for his mom's name on facebook. That's when I came across an article about her and the baby. http://globalbalita.com/2011/why-did-pcso-let-11-month-old-boy-die-by-refusing-to-give-the-pledge-for-liver-transplant/
The article answered my questions about the baby's death. But still a part of me thinks I have not done enough for him and for his mother. And the feelings I felt that day that I found out that the baby's dead came back creeping inside me, my heart breaking for the mom and for the little angel who was not able to see how life can be so good. Do I still question God? I dont know. Maybe I still do. But there are things about God that I will never really understand and that He will never really make sense at all times but all I can do now is to wait for my turn to get to heaven and ask Him, "God, why did you take Raphael away from his mom?"
To baby Raphael, I'm sorry for leaving the mission so abruptly. I wasnt even able to say goodbye. I'll see you when I get to heaven okay? I know right now, you're looking after your mom as her new angel. Again, I'm sorry I wasnt able to get you to Taiwan for your operation. I'm really sorry.
I got a call from someone. He told me that the baby I was helping, the one I was raising funds for, died already. That time I got the information, I went numb. I was shocked. Speechless. How can the baby die if the group I left was able to raise half the amount needed? I tried to answer the questions on my mind but there are no answers I can think of. All I can think of was I was a failure as a leader. I led the team to raise funds yet when we were nearing the project's end, I dropped out of it. I was already losing faith that we were able to get the amount needed and the head of the mission team told me we need to hustle up. If there's a need not to sleep just so we can finish it, we should he said. But I know I cannot do that. At that time, I recently resigned from a workplace that I consider an extension of hell on earth, and my finances arent really that good. I would go to our every week activity with only 200 pesos in my pocket. 150 pesos from that amount is how much my fare is from home to the place then back home. So that left me with just 50 pesos for food. Those times, I experienced eating at odd places in Makati just so I can budget my remaining money. When I couldnt take it all anymore, I sat down one day and just talked (ranted) and prayed to God. I cant remember the exact Bible verse He gave me but he told me to stop and trust His power. So I decided to stop, drop out from the project and just do the best I can do at that time - intercede for the baby and the project. People told me back then that the general rule in saving other people is to save yourself first. You cannot help others if you are in danger. And at that time, I know my health and my pocket is already at risk.
When I found out that the baby died, I couldnt help but blame myself. Had I not drop out the mission, he would have been able to go to Taiwan to have his operation. We would have sent him there complete with all the funds they need. And the cranes we made for him would have been waiting for him when he gets home. But the cranes would no longer wait for someone. The little angel that was my reason to wake up every everyday from July to October is no longer on earth.
I BLAMED MYSELF. And I QUESTIONED GOD. And up to now, I still dont know why the baby died. I still dont know if it was really God who told me to stop and drop the mission because He wants me to focus on Him because I've been neglecting quiet times with Him those days that I would be focused on the fundraising. Or was it just my inner self telling me that I was already burnt out from the mission, Ian's constant nagging about me not doing enough, and my depressing lack of finances that time.
Six months after, tonight, a good friend of mine crossed my mind and I had the urge to check his facebook wall. He helped with the fundraising by the way. He was always there every week to play the piano for the guests. When I saw his wall, I found out that he died already last January. That fact told me that I lost two people close to me that month. After finding out that he died, the baby crossed my mind and I searched for his mom's name on facebook. That's when I came across an article about her and the baby. http://globalbalita.com/2011/why-did-pcso-let-11-month-old-boy-die-by-refusing-to-give-the-pledge-for-liver-transplant/
The article answered my questions about the baby's death. But still a part of me thinks I have not done enough for him and for his mother. And the feelings I felt that day that I found out that the baby's dead came back creeping inside me, my heart breaking for the mom and for the little angel who was not able to see how life can be so good. Do I still question God? I dont know. Maybe I still do. But there are things about God that I will never really understand and that He will never really make sense at all times but all I can do now is to wait for my turn to get to heaven and ask Him, "God, why did you take Raphael away from his mom?"
To baby Raphael, I'm sorry for leaving the mission so abruptly. I wasnt even able to say goodbye. I'll see you when I get to heaven okay? I know right now, you're looking after your mom as her new angel. Again, I'm sorry I wasnt able to get you to Taiwan for your operation. I'm really sorry.
The Cinderella Complex
(because of the most recent controversy involving my blogs, let me just say this again and again, my blogs are not about a certain person. my blogs are a mirror of my everyday dealing with different people. Girls who are in the wrong relationships, girls who cant move on, girls who cannot let go of relationships that should have been let go. There are a whole lot of other girls in my web of life and my blogs shouldnt be focused on one alone. Given that I have blogged about her once to stop the rumors involving the 2 of us, the most controversial one I should say, it shouldnt mean that everything is always about her after that. just a disclaimer for everyone. oh and for that, i dont think I deserve to be called a JERK by one of her friends. besides, JERK is a term for men, not for women.)
Late 2008, while I was on the phone with comedian Tado Jimenez, he mentioned the term Cinderella Complex. Upon Google-ing information about the term Cinderella Complex, I decided to have that for my college thesis. I was a Mass Communication student and at first my professors were doubtful of how I will include a psychological term on a thesis for Mass Communication. But we pulled it off (I've got 2 teammates, Sunshine and Erika). The title of our thesis was, The Effects of Television Programs on the Cinderella Complex of Women ages 17-21.
Now years after I have read the book by Colette Dowling, researching about the said complex, making surveys and writing the conclusion based on every document that we found, here I am writing about the Cinderella Complex again. This time, to retract my thoughts about the thesis basing my thoughts this time from the Bible.
The Cinderella Complex - The Cinderella complex was first described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book on women's fear of independence, as an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others, based primarily on a fear of being independent. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grows older.
Colette Dowling attempts to define women as being motivated by an unconscious desire to be taken care of as a fear of independence termed "Cinderella complex". An important aspect of the work can be defined as identifying an aspect of a larger phenomenon as to why women choose to stay in dysfunctional relationships.
This phenomenon can be defined as a syndrome characterized by a series of specific motivations or causes. Dowling identifies only one motivation, while the syndrome is in fact a combination of many motivations, which are in themselves characteristics that make up a complex.
The term syndrome has been largely used to define conditions apparent in medicine. However, in recent decades the term has been used outside of medicine to refer to a combination of phenomena seen in association.
I would want to share my conversations via email with the author herself Colette Dowling but I have lost accessed with my email account because the thief who stole my iPod Touch changed my password and I have not gained access to it anymore. In that thread of email, she explained further the complex that she authored. So despite of my want to give you her side of the spectrum, you're stuck with information straight from the internet, and not from the author herself.
Before we go to the main topic which is the complex itself, let us find out first about the character from whom the complex was named after. Who is she?
Cinderella. She is from a folk tale embodying a myth-element of unjust oppression/triumphant reward. Thousands of variants are known throughout the world. The title character is a young woman living in unfortunate circumstances that are suddenly changed to remarkable fortune. The word "Cinderella" has, by analogy, come to mean one whose attributes are unrecognized, or one who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect.
There are many versions of Cinderella, or should I say, Cinderella was derived from different stories around the globe but only 3 are popular versions of it. Cenerentola, Cinderella and Aschenputtel. The most popular is Charles Perrault's version which is the one adapted by Disney for their Cinderella movie.
Now that we have defined the complex and the main character, let's discuss the complex.
The Cinderella complex can be simplified as the FEAR OF INDEPENDENCE. Psychology says women have the strong NEED to be SAVED. We women have always been tagged as DAMSELS in DISTRESS and that we need a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR to come and save us. This need goes two ways. For some women, they tend to be so needy, so clingy, so emotional, and so fragile. But for some women, they would opt for the other side of the spectrum. They would tend to be too strong, too stiff, too caught up in work that they have no time to socialize, too legalistic about things, and simply too much to handle for the people around them. But do not be fooled by these women says Dowling. They are not really who they are. On the inside, they are trying to hide their need to be taken care of, the fear to be independent.
On my thesis, based on the surveys, the TV programs (telenobelas to be exact, the likes of Pangako Sa'yo, Marimar, Mula Sa Puso etc.) are nurturing the need of women for a savior. For someone to come and carry them off to paradise so that they wont have to face their problems anymore. Most of our respondents are wishing for an Angelo Buenavista(Pangako Sayo lead role portrayed by Jericho Rosales) to come in a red car, sweep them off their feet and fight for his love for them. Or for a Fernando Jose to get them out of their misery and marry them. Most of our respondents are wishing for a fairy tale romance. One wherein they would be saved.
What was sad about the result of that survey is that most young women, those studying in the University Belt area, would rather stick in dysfunctional and abusive relationships just because they are hoping that these men will be able to someday save them.
When we were done with the thesis, I have concluded that TV shows have really nurtured that need and women who feed off from these TV shows are really not helping themselves and their Cinderella complex. Back then, I was for the eradication of the complex. I did not want women suffering from this complex because for me, women should never be fearful of being independent, of being free and that they should never count on someone to save them.
But guess what, a year after I have closed the book on Cinderella complex, my hands found another book and my eyes could not stop from reading the words on that book. It is entitled Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's soul. (I have blogged about it before you can check my blog Are You Beautiful? for further details.) I found out that the so-called Cinderella complex that Dowling wrote about is rooted deep within ever woman's heart not because it should be a weakness but because the need to be saved is part of a something greater.
A woman's heart is a portion of God's. In it, He placed a part of Himself while a part of Himself, he also put into man. The book Captivating says there is a longing in every woman's heart to be saved, to be rescued. In the book Wild at Heart by the same author, it says that in every man's heart is the need to save and rescue the princess. Both of these needs are from God. The need in a man is a mirror of who God is. He longs to save us, to rescue us and just to take care of us. He loves us that much. The need in a woman's heart is a mirror of another side of God, the one that wants us to search for Him, to seek Him and to be longed for by us.
So am I still for the eradication of the Cinderella complex? No. There is no need to eradicate that need in women. We just have to have our needs filled up by the one true source of everything - God. He placed that need and longing in our hearts so that we will always seek Him, search for Him and love Him all of our days.
Jeremiah 29:13-14
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
Late 2008, while I was on the phone with comedian Tado Jimenez, he mentioned the term Cinderella Complex. Upon Google-ing information about the term Cinderella Complex, I decided to have that for my college thesis. I was a Mass Communication student and at first my professors were doubtful of how I will include a psychological term on a thesis for Mass Communication. But we pulled it off (I've got 2 teammates, Sunshine and Erika). The title of our thesis was, The Effects of Television Programs on the Cinderella Complex of Women ages 17-21.
Now years after I have read the book by Colette Dowling, researching about the said complex, making surveys and writing the conclusion based on every document that we found, here I am writing about the Cinderella Complex again. This time, to retract my thoughts about the thesis basing my thoughts this time from the Bible.
The Cinderella Complex - The Cinderella complex was first described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book on women's fear of independence, as an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others, based primarily on a fear of being independent. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grows older.
Colette Dowling attempts to define women as being motivated by an unconscious desire to be taken care of as a fear of independence termed "Cinderella complex". An important aspect of the work can be defined as identifying an aspect of a larger phenomenon as to why women choose to stay in dysfunctional relationships.
This phenomenon can be defined as a syndrome characterized by a series of specific motivations or causes. Dowling identifies only one motivation, while the syndrome is in fact a combination of many motivations, which are in themselves characteristics that make up a complex.
The term syndrome has been largely used to define conditions apparent in medicine. However, in recent decades the term has been used outside of medicine to refer to a combination of phenomena seen in association.
I would want to share my conversations via email with the author herself Colette Dowling but I have lost accessed with my email account because the thief who stole my iPod Touch changed my password and I have not gained access to it anymore. In that thread of email, she explained further the complex that she authored. So despite of my want to give you her side of the spectrum, you're stuck with information straight from the internet, and not from the author herself.
Before we go to the main topic which is the complex itself, let us find out first about the character from whom the complex was named after. Who is she?
Cinderella. She is from a folk tale embodying a myth-element of unjust oppression/triumphant reward. Thousands of variants are known throughout the world. The title character is a young woman living in unfortunate circumstances that are suddenly changed to remarkable fortune. The word "Cinderella" has, by analogy, come to mean one whose attributes are unrecognized, or one who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect.
There are many versions of Cinderella, or should I say, Cinderella was derived from different stories around the globe but only 3 are popular versions of it. Cenerentola, Cinderella and Aschenputtel. The most popular is Charles Perrault's version which is the one adapted by Disney for their Cinderella movie.
Now that we have defined the complex and the main character, let's discuss the complex.
The Cinderella complex can be simplified as the FEAR OF INDEPENDENCE. Psychology says women have the strong NEED to be SAVED. We women have always been tagged as DAMSELS in DISTRESS and that we need a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR to come and save us. This need goes two ways. For some women, they tend to be so needy, so clingy, so emotional, and so fragile. But for some women, they would opt for the other side of the spectrum. They would tend to be too strong, too stiff, too caught up in work that they have no time to socialize, too legalistic about things, and simply too much to handle for the people around them. But do not be fooled by these women says Dowling. They are not really who they are. On the inside, they are trying to hide their need to be taken care of, the fear to be independent.
On my thesis, based on the surveys, the TV programs (telenobelas to be exact, the likes of Pangako Sa'yo, Marimar, Mula Sa Puso etc.) are nurturing the need of women for a savior. For someone to come and carry them off to paradise so that they wont have to face their problems anymore. Most of our respondents are wishing for an Angelo Buenavista(Pangako Sayo lead role portrayed by Jericho Rosales) to come in a red car, sweep them off their feet and fight for his love for them. Or for a Fernando Jose to get them out of their misery and marry them. Most of our respondents are wishing for a fairy tale romance. One wherein they would be saved.
What was sad about the result of that survey is that most young women, those studying in the University Belt area, would rather stick in dysfunctional and abusive relationships just because they are hoping that these men will be able to someday save them.
When we were done with the thesis, I have concluded that TV shows have really nurtured that need and women who feed off from these TV shows are really not helping themselves and their Cinderella complex. Back then, I was for the eradication of the complex. I did not want women suffering from this complex because for me, women should never be fearful of being independent, of being free and that they should never count on someone to save them.
But guess what, a year after I have closed the book on Cinderella complex, my hands found another book and my eyes could not stop from reading the words on that book. It is entitled Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's soul. (I have blogged about it before you can check my blog Are You Beautiful? for further details.) I found out that the so-called Cinderella complex that Dowling wrote about is rooted deep within ever woman's heart not because it should be a weakness but because the need to be saved is part of a something greater.
A woman's heart is a portion of God's. In it, He placed a part of Himself while a part of Himself, he also put into man. The book Captivating says there is a longing in every woman's heart to be saved, to be rescued. In the book Wild at Heart by the same author, it says that in every man's heart is the need to save and rescue the princess. Both of these needs are from God. The need in a man is a mirror of who God is. He longs to save us, to rescue us and just to take care of us. He loves us that much. The need in a woman's heart is a mirror of another side of God, the one that wants us to search for Him, to seek Him and to be longed for by us.
So am I still for the eradication of the Cinderella complex? No. There is no need to eradicate that need in women. We just have to have our needs filled up by the one true source of everything - God. He placed that need and longing in our hearts so that we will always seek Him, search for Him and love Him all of our days.
Jeremiah 29:13-14
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
Monday, July 11, 2011
MOVE!
spending the half of my monday at home made me read a lot of blogs by men of God who writes good and sensible blogs about almost anything from God, family, friendships and of course the most popular topic of all time - LOVE. while i was browsing Sean Si's blog page, I chanced upon his blog:
So when we are having a hard time moving on and letting go, remember that HOLDING ON TO RELATIONSHIPS THAT HAVE BEEN ENDED BY GOD MEANS:
When you Surrender a Relationship… http://h3sean.com/relationship-surrender/
It was a really good read and I was inspired to write my own version of it. So here goes something.
Moving on - not the easiest thing to do because you have invested so much time and effort to make the relationship work. You have invested emotions and that very big word LOVE. Hey, I've had so many failed relationships in the past and MOVING ON is not really alien to me. In fact, moving on and me are the best of friends. Being a born-again Christian did not exempt me from heartbreaks and moving on. In fact, one of the worst heartbreaks I got was when I was already a born-again Christian. Moving on wasnt that easy as well. In fact, it took me a year to really finally move on. And I have just really moved on when I met the one God has created to be my God's best, my partner in life, my soulmate. For others, moving on take years while for others, 3 months can be it. Nonetheless, moving on should be a decision we make for ourselves and not for others.
In his blog, Sean Si said "There are times in our lives when we don’t trust God enough with a certain relationship we’re holding on so tightly to. We think God can never bring it back again. And we think that God isn’t able to write our love story as much as we are able to." I agree to that statement. So here are my take about NOT moving on and STILL holding on.
Holding on means WE DON'T TRUST GOD. When God says, "Let go." and we say "God, will you give him back?", it is our way of telling Him, "God, I dont trust your plans for me. I dont trust in your power to give me the best."
Holding on means DISOBEYING GOD. When God says, "Let go." and we say, "God, NO! He is the one I want to be with. I love him so much.", it is a way of DISOBEYING the God you call LORD.
46 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?"
Holding on does not only hurt us but it also hurts the other party. By holding on, we burden the other party with guilt because he/she hurt us by leaving us.
Holding on does not only hurt us but it also cause problems for the other party's new relationship. If the other person is already in a Godly relationship with the right person, our holding on can only cause trouble in paradise. It doesnt mean that the new partner is not secure of the relationship but who wants to deal with annoying EXs who just wont stop holding on right? I'm pretty sure, when we get the right and Godly relationship that we have prayed to have, we wouldnt want to deal with annoying EXs who are still holding on to our partner. Stop whatever you are doing and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Do we want our partner's EX girlfriend/boyfriend to continue holding on? Do we want our partner's EX to continue bugging the two of you with issues about him/her not being able to move on? Do we want our partner's EX to cling on and struggle with you that she/he should be in your place and that she/he should be the one with your partner because according to her/him, your partner was created for her/him?
So when we are having a hard time moving on and letting go, remember that HOLDING ON TO RELATIONSHIPS THAT HAVE BEEN ENDED BY GOD MEANS:
WE DONT TRUST GOD, WE DISOBEY HIM, AND WE HURT THEIR PRESENT GIRLFRIENDS AND FUTURE SPOUSES.
:)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
a letter to my future daughter...
today is July 3, 2011 and I just had the most hurtful yet refreshing morning. after all these years, i was finally able to say most of the things i wanted to say.
i've been wanting to write an open letter to my future daughter but i never got the chance to sit down and write it down... so here i am, facing the laptop, typing away words that i hope someday, my daughter will be able to appreciate.
To my dearest future daughter Lian Chasity,
Let me start by saying I am sorry. Sorry for all the mistakes I have committed to you and to your dad. I am not the world's most perfect woman nor will I be the best mother in the world. But as you read this letter, I hope I have fulfilled the promise I have made to myself years ago. That you will never be void of a complete family just as I had been. I hope that as you read this letter, your dad and I are still together and still in love as the day God put the two of us together. I'm pretty sure you have heard the story of how God wrote my love story with your dad and I hope that you will always be inspired to wait for that God-written love story that God has prepared to be yours in HIS perfect time. If there is one thing that I never told your dad yet (I'm pretty sure the moment I publish this blog, he'll know), it was one of my prayers to God. When I was asking for my God's best, the one I will marry, aside from the list that I wrote of the traits and characteristics I want in a man, I prayed to God to give me a godly man who will never leave me nor my children. I prayed for someone who will always be patient and understanding if ever I get so nasty, mean or unreasonable just so that there will never come a point in your life where you will blame me that you grew up without a complete family.
Yani, my dearest baby, here I am praying that when you finally decided to get married, you will get married because you are in love and loved and that you wish to start your own family based on the overflowing love that you feel. Not just because you want to escape from home, leave every painful things behind and just escape from us. I hope that as you read this letter, you are not committing the mistakes of the generations before you. I love you my Lian Chasity and I know your daddy loves you too.
Mommy Yani
(Lian is from my name Gillian. Lian means lotus which symbolizes purity. It is also the name of my favorite author Lian Hearn whose full name is Gillian. Chasity is a name that Jeremy got from God. It means chaste and pure.)
(photo from google)
i've been wanting to write an open letter to my future daughter but i never got the chance to sit down and write it down... so here i am, facing the laptop, typing away words that i hope someday, my daughter will be able to appreciate.
To my dearest future daughter Lian Chasity,
Let me start by saying I am sorry. Sorry for all the mistakes I have committed to you and to your dad. I am not the world's most perfect woman nor will I be the best mother in the world. But as you read this letter, I hope I have fulfilled the promise I have made to myself years ago. That you will never be void of a complete family just as I had been. I hope that as you read this letter, your dad and I are still together and still in love as the day God put the two of us together. I'm pretty sure you have heard the story of how God wrote my love story with your dad and I hope that you will always be inspired to wait for that God-written love story that God has prepared to be yours in HIS perfect time. If there is one thing that I never told your dad yet (I'm pretty sure the moment I publish this blog, he'll know), it was one of my prayers to God. When I was asking for my God's best, the one I will marry, aside from the list that I wrote of the traits and characteristics I want in a man, I prayed to God to give me a godly man who will never leave me nor my children. I prayed for someone who will always be patient and understanding if ever I get so nasty, mean or unreasonable just so that there will never come a point in your life where you will blame me that you grew up without a complete family.
Yani, my dearest baby, here I am praying that when you finally decided to get married, you will get married because you are in love and loved and that you wish to start your own family based on the overflowing love that you feel. Not just because you want to escape from home, leave every painful things behind and just escape from us. I hope that as you read this letter, you are not committing the mistakes of the generations before you. I love you my Lian Chasity and I know your daddy loves you too.
Mommy Yani
(Lian is from my name Gillian. Lian means lotus which symbolizes purity. It is also the name of my favorite author Lian Hearn whose full name is Gillian. Chasity is a name that Jeremy got from God. It means chaste and pure.)
(photo from google)
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