march, april and may felt like a dry season. a very dry one. yes, God still talks to me but not for myself. He would talk to me about the people around me, usually with messages for these people but He's got no message for me. I would pray and do my quiet time but most of the time, His messages and answers are not for me but for others. It felt like I was just a watchman in His kingdom and I needed to carry out the messages He commanded me to give to certain people.
i felt unspecial in His eyes. I felt that my worth in Him depreciated. like I was no longer the favored daughter, the princess, and the apple of His eyes. somewhere in my heart, I know that it's just a phase, a season I need to undergo because He is working on something for me and in me. but when things don't feel like going good, when provisions seem to be lacking a lot of times, when tongues accuse a lot, when people judge a lot, I felt so low and unloved by my God.
until one night, when I was rumbling and ranting to Him about these things, He answered me with:
Isaiah 54 The Future Glory of Zion
1 “Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.
4 “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
5 For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.
7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
8 In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD your Redeemer.
9 “To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.
10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
11 “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,[a]
your foundations with lapis lazuli.
12 I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your children will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be their peace.
14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
16 “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the LORD.
no weapon formed against me will prevail. and every tongue who accuses me i will refute. because the Lord is my vindication. that is my future glory. i believed that. I cry over those words. no, He did not leave me all alone. He just wants me to seek Him more and not be complacent. i can go on my days not worrying about things because I know God is there to back me up.
until one night after my usual thursday church schedule, the living room of my house turned into a spiritual battlefield. it was a good thing Jeremy has not left the house yet that time. i could not breathe (or according to Jeremy, i was no longer breathing), i had my fists clenched and SOMETHING WAS HOLDING MY FOOT. there was no one at home. my mom was in Bohol and I was spending the rest of the week alone at home with my lola living just next door. no, it wasnt just an anxiety attack. Jeremy couldnt make me open my eyes. I couldnt hear him anymore nor can I feel him tapping (slapping was more like it he said) my face. It wasnt my body giving in to exhaustion or something. He felt a negative presence in the place. And yes he's right about the negative presence. He was already speaking in tongues when I opened my eyes abruptly. He should have stopped but i think it scared him a bit when I said, "Dont stop what you're doing until I tell you to." I wasnt looking entirely at him, I was staring at something near my face. And that something was staring right back at me. While this something is staring at me, another thing is holding my right foot. I started praying in tongues. Louder than Jeremy has ever heard me pray in tongues. Louder than I ever heard myself speak in tongues. But that moment, it felt like I wasnt the one speaking. It felt like someone else is doing it for me. I dont even know how I commanded the two things to release me. Jeremy just told me that I commanded the one holding my foot to let go of my foot and for the two of them to leave my house. this attack was not the first one I experienced at home. one time while I was sleeping, my mom woke up to find me gagging up myself with both of my hands with my eyes looking like i've seen a ghost. another time, while i was alone in bed, i could not find the strength to get up because something heavy is at my chest. what scared the hell out of me that time was that the bed started to squeak which only happens when someone moves in bed. another time also, while i was asleep, i grabbed my mom's hand as she was going to put off the alarm and i said, "Huwag..." in a very scary tone.
when the spiritual battle was done, we were both perspiring like we ran a marathon. the room was humid despite the door being opened. here's what we felt about the things that bothered me that time: there's a spirit of hatred, a spirit of adultery, and a spirit of physical abuse that lingers on the house. and the two things we fought off were feeding on those spirits. something was also impressed to Jeremy. a scene flashed in front of him. it was of a husband and a pregnant wife fighting and the husband hit the wife right there at the sink. this is connected with the physical abuse spirit we felt. that night, i couldnt sleep. i prayed but i still felt afraid. i must have fallen asleep at around 5am because there was light already outside the windows.
then I was reminded of the word He gave me last week. the one in Isaiah 54.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
Yes, it wasnt His doing. It was the work of something sinister, something that fears the power of women especially women who walks in God's will.
the following night, I took out my Bible after praying to God to remove my fear and the spirits hanging around. His answer made me cry out of relief. He said:
Ruth 3:11
"And now, my daughter, dont be afraid. I will do for you all you ask."
and last night, when I was still anxious to sleep at home, He said to me:
Matthew 20:32
Jesus stopped and called them, "What do you want me to do for you?" He asked.
i told Him, remove the spirits at home, make me sleep in peace and just let Your power rule over the house.
And with all His power, I know that His blood has already cleansed the house of any entity that was living in there.
:)
Yani's Canaan... blogs and stories about God, Relationships, Life and Love.
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