a rose, a cake and 2 blended drinks under the stars...
then boom!
a name was mentioned. a name that should have been deleted from the name list of all name lists, and from all the memories of everyone i know so that the name would never ever be mentioned again. if i'll have my way, i would even love it to be removed from the Bible. but i cant. God wont allow it. so endure is all that i can do.
what did the person do to deserve the wrath i feel for his name? nothing. he did NOTHING.
"Nothing??? Gillian are you nuts? You dont want to hear his name yet he's done nothing?" Yeah he did nothing. He didn't say a word that he's leaving, he didnt even bother to tell me "Hey I'm out of the door! Bye. See you when I see you." There was nothing.
He left without a word. He broke my heart without saying so. He did not even bother to tell me why.
And he did that 3x.
Okay call me naive, dumb, fool, stupid or whatever you may want to call me because I should have never let him back after the first time he left but i was blinded by my love for him back then.
And after a few heart-breaking and ego-bursting relationships and dates with men who would always live in the shadow of his gentleness, of his smile, of physique, and of his bass playing skills, I learned that no one can ever take over the place he has in my heart EXCEPT for one. That's my God's best. And mind you, Jeremy did.
it's just that....
i wanted answers. WANTED. when Jeremy came to my life, the questions were all forgotten. I am happy with the one I have now, the one I will forever have. but why would the questions resurface at the most unexpected times? is it because I havent totally moved on? i dont think so. i'd like to think that the questions would resurface because I was still imprisoned by the "Why's" of the past and ONLY THE TRUTH CAN SET ME FREE.
That night, Jeremy said, "Alam mo, kakausapin ko na yang si ____ eh! Hindi ba niya alam epekto ng ginawa niya sayo? He should have been man enough to face you." He wasn't mad or jealous as my boyfriend. He was simply hurt that a princess of God was defrauded and that the man, a born-again Christian, was not even man enough to face the princess he hurt.
i could have simply messaged him on facebook. after all, he and i are now facebook friends again. (i deleted him after he left the third time, and it was only this december that he added me again). but i know that it wont be the right vehicle for that. i can go to his gigs and say, "hey! care to enlighten me why you left without saying a word?" but i know it's not yet the right time. Jeremy thinks so too. He thinks God still want to teach the guy something before he goes to talk to me.
i guess i just have to trust God that his timing is always perfect.
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