I-N-T-E-N-T-I-O-N-S...

in·ten·tion  (n-tnshn)

n.

1. A course of action that one intends to follow.

2.

a. An aim that guides action; an objective.

b. intentions Purpose with respect to marriage: honorable intentions.

3. Medicine The process by which or the manner in which a wound heals.

4. Archaic Import; meaning.

INTENTION. a strong word that can make or break an action. 

when i published my most viewed blog, "Finally Breaking My Silence", it caused a lot of raised eyebrows, anger from people not mentioned in the blog but felt strongly for the girl, and questions about my intentions. what were my real intentions when i wrote that blog? thinking back to the day i wrote it, i started questioning the feelings i had that day and the night before that. the night before i posted my blog, someone related to the girl called me a b****. Yup, that word that's on your mind. obviously, i would get freakin mad about it. When I attended service that night, all I can ask God is "Why do i always have to let them say things they want to say about me, let them put me down with their words and just stay quiet in my own little world? Why do i have to be the one who would have to deal with anger inside? Why cant I just be like my old self and say what i want to say to those people who opted to hurt me with their words?" I could not take it anymore. When i woke up the following day, I started writing that blog. At first, it contained very harsh words that can hurt anyone who reads them. It would definitely hurt the one i wrote it for. After 6 EDITING and asking permission from Jeremy if I can post it, I posted it. I posted the mildest version i can come up with. So what was my intentions when i posted it? At the onset of my writing, I wanted to lash out and hurt her back for the things that was said about me. I wanted her to feel the pain she made me feel. But as I edited the blog and edited it again and again, I started to question my motive, my intentions. As I go on editing it, my intentions changed. I didnt want to hurt her anymore. I just want her to hear me out. For her to finally know my side of the story, the side that she didnt want to hear before. So to answer the question what was my intention when I posted the blog? i just wanted to be heard. Pardon me if it hurt some people who werent really part of the picture. You cant blame me for letting my side be heard. If you are in my position, letting all those hurt boil up inside for 3 months already and as each day pass, more hurt gets added, you would do the same. Most women would do the same. Dont be a hypocrite and tell me you wouldnt because girls tend to be more emotional, and when they get hurt, angered or pained, all they tend to do is LASH OUT their anger towards the person. Whether face to face or through technology, women would still tend to say what's on their mind. Like the famous saying, "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." here's a sample scenario. you find out your husband is cheating on you, wouldnt you confront him? wouldnt you confront the girl? another scenario, your boyfriend is cheating on you. wouldnt you confront the guy and the other girl? wouldnt you express your feelings by lashing out, bursting out and saying all the things you want to say? women would. it's in their nature. why do you think men call us a NAG? thats because we use up all the words in the vocabulary everytime we feel a negative strong emotion. 

INTENTIONS. as i sat down in the room of my new mentor, Tootoots Leyesa, this word filled up the entire space. That day, when he was asking me different things about Photography, all my knowledge seemed to fly out the window and all I can answer is I don't know. 

Tootoots: What separates a photographer from a lomoista? What separates you from a lomoista?

Me: Ummmm....

Tootoots: Are you a photographer?

Me: Ummm i hope i am.

Tootoots: Ang sagot mo dapat OO. With conviction na oo photographer ako. Kaya ka nga andito eh.

Tootoots: Give me one word that would some up the difference between a photographer and a lomoista.

(after what felt like eternity and me not being able to answer....)

Tootoots: INTENTIONS. That's what separates you from a lomoista. Para ka dapat Ninja, hindi mo ilalabas ang sword mo with the intention only to hurt but with the intention to kill because that's what you're trained to do. Parang ang camera mo. Hindi mo ilalabas lang yan kase kumain kame gusto ko lang picturan.

(with that being said, he wrote the word INTENTIONS on my left wrist to remind me of it that day as I shoot for Noel Cabangon's album.)

INTENTIONS - an aim that guides an action. So what are your intentions? Everytime you blog, everytime you put a status message on your wall that is meant for someone who irritates you, everytime you shout at someone in the family, everytime you shout at your friends, everytime you judge other people, CHECK YOUR INTENTIONS. Are they intended to build or to ruin? Are they intended to be for another person's growth or for his destruction? For me, that is a lesson well learned.

If you ask me, if i will be given to redo time and go back to the time i was going to click PUBLISH, would i have not published it? I wouldnt. Because all i wanted was to be heard. not to hurt. And if she did not read that, I dont think she would have talked to me to hear my side of the story.

                            (the word INTENTION as written by my mentor, Tootoots Leyesa)