It's the Simple Things in Life We Forget...

it's the simple things in life we forget...

you hear her talking but dont hear what she's saying

how could you make something so easy so complicated

searching for what's right in front of your face

but you can't see it...

-Usher

A lot of people right now have forgotten that simple things used to bring forth happiness. That the simple things in life are sometimes the most satisfying things in this world. In an era plagued by social networking sites, the world wide web, Apple products and Android phones, a lot of the things that used to bring us happiness and entertainment have slowly been neglected.

Kids nowadays spent more time making friends via the internet rather than going out of their houses and making friends with their neighbors. If you see kids nowadays in school, when they are on their breaks, they would usually be on their phones, iPods, iPads, laptops or any wifi connecting device facebook-ing away or tweeting away. Back in my childhood days, school breaks are spent chasing each other, playing hide and seek, Chinese garter, agawan base, tumbang preso, or patintero. Now the kids of today have lost interest in playing REAL games. They would just rather spend their time in front of a PC, playing online RPG games, Angry birds, or harvesting crops on Farmville. Gone are the days of bruised knees. 

People nowadays would rather download eBooks than going out to your favorite bookstore and getting a copy of the latest novel from your favorite author. For most people, it's easier and more economical to download books on the Internet. But what ever happened to the joy of flipping over a page (a real page made of paper for that matter), putting dog ears on the books you read, borrowing books from friends and sharing your book collection to others?

Technology may have made things easier for us yet it have also robbed us of the simple but REAL joys in life.

:D

"Mudblood" in Sports

(Mudblood in Harry Potter books refer to those half-blood witches and warlocks. Those born from a pure-blooded families and Muggles, a term used for non magic people.)

Recently, I posted a status on Facebook that says:

i miss the days when surnames like Buhain, Lucero, Muros, De Vega, and Velasco make the country proud whenever they win in the SEA Games or the Olympics. Nowadays, Filipinos are proud of those who win in the SEA Games whose surnames are Hodge, Ellis, Slaughter, and Parks. Now I have a glimpse of how Benjie Paras felt when he retired early from PBA because of the FIL-SHAM affair. Cant the country produce ALL FILIPINO WORLD CLASS athletes anymore?

and another one that says:

I'm not against half-pinoys playing here. It's just that there are a whole lot of Pinoy athletes who are not being given the chance to compete in the SEA Games because they don't have the MONEY to train and the capability to travel abroad. I hate to think that sports officials in the country would tend to rely on the GENES of other races that are in the bodies of those half-pinoys rather than the sheer talent and hard work of PURE Pinoy athletes. I dont think the country doesn't have a new Elma Muros in the making or a new Onyok Velasco or a new Paeng Nepomuceno.

These 2 Facebook statuses weren't the result of Dave Marcelo playing for the Sinag Pilipinas team. Most of my friends knew that I hated Beda winning the championship crown because their athletes are composed of Half-Americans, Half-Australians and a Pure blooded African. But it wasn't the main reason why I posted those status messages. Here's the reason why:

I miss the days when PURE BLOODED FILIPINOS make FILIPINOS proud. That when they see these Filipino athletes compete for the name of the country, they feel proud because they have the same skin color, same facial features, and same language. So what happened to the Philippine Sport scene?

Before, these athletes make us proud:

1. Elma Muros - Philippines' Long Jump Queen and Iron Lady. She won a total of 15 GOLD medals in the SEA GAMES. She also competed at the Olympic Games for the long jump event. STATUS: PURE PINOY

2. Lydia De Vega - Asia's fastest woman in the 1980s. Asia's Sprint Queen. Two-time Olympian. STATUS: PURE PINOY

3. Eric Buhain - Won a gold for the country at the SEA Games when he was just 15. In 1989, he broke one of existing SEA Games records for swimming. Several gold medals where attributed to his name in the SEA Games. STATUS: PURE PINOY

4. Bea Lucero - Won a bronze medal in the 1992 Olympic games for taekwondo. She won 2 golds and 3 silver medals for gymnastics at the 1987 SEA Games. STATUS: PURE PINOY

4. Miguel Molina - Two-time Olympian. Best Male Athlete, 2007 SEA Games. Philippine record-holder, 100m freestyle, 50m and 200m butterfly, and 200m and 400m Individual Medley. 7 Gold medals for the 2002 SEA Games. STATUS: PURE PINOY (P.S. both his parents are pure blooded Pinoys, he was born in Quezon City but they moved to Tokyo and he studied at Berkeley in the States)

5. Mansueto "Onyok" Velasco - Gold medal awardee 1994 Asian Games. Silver medalist, 1996 Summer Olympics, our only medal for that year. For the Filipinos, he is the rightful winner for that fight for the gold.  STATUS: PURE PINOY

Now, these are the ones who are making us proud:

Greg SLAUGHTER

Bobby PARKS Jr.

Clifford HODGE

Chris ELLIS

Do i hear or see Filipino surnames in any one of those athletes? 

What ever happened to those talented athletes from around the country? Those from the provinces who would survive the heat of the Palarong Pambansa just to compete in the sport that they love? They cannot compete with these FIL-AMS or FIL-SHAMS because they cannot buy the proper equipments and training gear for them to be able to fully use their talents the best way they can. They cannot even be trained by professionals because they cannot afford their fees. But I tell you, there are a lot of Pinoys out there who, given with the same amount of training and equipments, can win more medals for the country. 

Here's a link to a docu made by GMA 7's Sandra Aguinald about the younger swimming athletes of the country and how they lack a lot in terms of training and gear. You might be interested to watch and see what's lacking. http://youtu.be/oIJ8tvyUl4o

From Hero to Zero?

8 solid years of ball and his last game was a failure for most of the spectators. It wasn't a good way to end a collegiate career nor would it be how he would have planned to end his years as a Stag. His statistics for the Finals bout were 1 Rebound, 0 Freethrows, 4 Assists, 1 Steal, 0 Blocks, 6 Turnovers, 2 Fouls, 3 Field Goals, 1 3-pointer, and 2 2-pointers. Too bad for him, most people only care and remember the last basket missed, the last turnover, the last error, the last game lost, or in this case, the last championship crown we gave away to Beda. They seem to forget that once, that Stag brought home a few crowns to our school.
    

2005 and 2006. Check your history and you will know that these years were the first 2 years of a 4-peat championship that made stars such as Raffy Reyes, Arvie Bringas, Ryan Buenafe, Eric Carlo Salamat, and Paul Lee. But wait, they can't and will not be able to win one championship, more so, four if there weren't other players in the team. One of those players who contributed 2 of those 4-peat championship streak was the Stag a number of people are now calling stupid. Stupid for all those turnovers, stupid for not playing good enough as a point guard, stupid for not leading his team enough to emerge as this year's NCAA basketball champion. Yes, he was one of the important members of that team that gave you a 4-peat Juniors NCAA record, ending a 19-year championship drought.  He was wearing jersey number 18 then.
    

2009. The Seniors won their first championship after a 7-year drought . He was a part of that Jimbo Aquino-led team. He was now  wearing jersey number 17.
    

It saddened me to see a number of Sebastinos post on Facebook things like, "Ang bobo mo namang point guard!" or "Wala kang kwentang point guard ang dami mong turnovers." These people, sadly, might not even have an idea that he wasn't originally a POINT GUARD. His original team position was the 2 - SHOOTING GUARD. (Many don't even know the difference between the two positions.) He didn't use to care about play-making. Before, as part of the team, his main aim is to shoot. But in the middle of the first round of the 87th NCAA season, he was transitioned to be a point guard, following the unfortunate ACL injury of Jonjon Semira.  If one would look closely at the game, one would see glimpses of his original position emerge in some crucial moments of the game. He won't think twice of going for a basket, a trait common to SGs. He shoots teardrops, a basket not common to PGs but considered one of the strengths of an SG.  

I remember a tweet by Jovit Dela Cruz that said something like a team is composed of members and it doesn't necessarily mean that all members should have equal points. That's true. When they play ball, their scores aren't going to be always equal. And their performances wouldn't exactly be the same with each game. If he really was a failure at his last game, then maybe, Garvo Lanete would have outgun the team with his killer three's. But he wasn't able to do so because this Stag I'm talking about was guarding Garvo like his life depended on it.
  

As I always say, give the guy a break. He played with all that he could. Maybe, it just wasn't meant to be his day that day. You see, there are no coincidences in life. Everything's been pre-planned, sorted out by the big Boss up there. If for that day, the championship wasn't one of His plans for the Stags, we cannot question the Boss up there. They may play with all their hearts and with all their mights, but if the Boss up there says the baskets will be closed for our team, who are we to say it should be opened? For what God has closed, no man can open. If God has already closed the doors on the Stags for a championship this year, who are we to argue against the Boss who holds all of our lives? Every closed door provides an eye-opener for those involved. God will not close a door on you without a purpose. We may not understand it yet, or we are just too stubborn to admit what the purpose is, but someday the purpose will be plainly seen.
    

There is always one player who gets to be called King each year.  Eric Carlo Salamat, in his last year as an Eagle was called King Eagle. Kevin Louie Alas, though not yet in his last year for the Knights was tagged King Knight.

KING STAG. Who deserves the title? Is it Calvin Abueva, this year's season MVP? Or Ronald Pascual, our 3-pointer hero? Or Ian Sangalang who was awarded Defensive Player of the season? The title King Stag in my opinion, should be awarded not to those who scored the most this season but to the one who played the longest, brought home the most number of championships whether for the Juniors division alone or for the Juniors and Seniors division combined. So to you baller number 17,  a lot of people may disagree with me because they have such close-minded brains who would only care for the most recent errors and mistakes and game loss, but there is no other player worthy to be called King Stag this year other than you. Thank you for playing for the Golden Stags for 8 wonderful years. Win or lose, you know where your home is - the home of a true champion.  And no, you have not turned from hero to zero. You will always be a hero, as long as the records of the NCAA say the Juniors brought home 4 championships in a row from 2005-2008, and that the Seniors brought home the 2009 crown. Stand proud, King Stag ROLAND ANTHONY DEL RIO!

photo source: http://fullcourtfresh.com

I Wished I Wasn't Beautiful

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today...

-Christina Aguilera, Beautiful

I wished I wasn't beautiful. Yes, I called myself beautiful. I won't show false humility here and say I'm just a pretty girl or I'm not one at all. I said I am beautiful because ever since I was a kid, I know I turn heads. Every time I go to a new school, I always get to be asked my name and if they can court me. I've won 3 school beauty contests as well, the first one when I was in preparatory school. I was crowned Miss Work (W came from CWL, the initials of my school). When I was in grade school, I joined the Miss United Nations contest and I won Miss United Nations International. When I was in high school I won my most prestigious award yet, being crowned Miss San Sebastian. I was just a 3rd year high school student and I went up against college students. I had the crown until 2009, when I was replaced after 5 years of reigning as Miss San Sebastian. While I was at school too, I had a few modelling stints outside, mostly ramp. Even then, I knew I can turn the head of any guy I want.

While others may think of it as a blessing to have a beautiful face, at certain points in my life, I found it a curse. You see, ever since I was a kid, I've been plagued by intrigues and rumors created by girls who are insecure with themselves. I would be tripped on the stairs by some mean girls who wanted me to be humiliated, I would be pushed around in the school cafeteria or worst, they would try to stain my uniform with food and beverages. In college, I remember a girl once said to me, "Susugatan ko yang legs mo eh! (I'll put a mark on your legs!)" just because she hates it that my legs look good.

Once, when Jeremy and I were on our way home, I told him that there were times when I wished I wasn't beautiful. I wished that I was just a plain jane, with none of the talents I have nor the looks and the body that I have. I wanted to be able to blend in with the crowd, with a face that is so plain men won't stare at me all the time. I hate it when men stare. I find it rude. And he was surprised to hear that. There I was, a girl who can get anything she wants if she uses the beauty that she's been given, wishing that I weren't even beautiful at all. So among all of the blogs I've posted, I think this one's got to be the most honest one I've ever written... YET. I really hated it back then whenever some girls who throw me nasty looks as I walk the school grounds. I hated it when they whisper amongst themselves in the school corridors, thinking I cannot hear them. Unfortunately for me, I can hear sound that other people can't. I can hear even the faintest whisper and decipher what is being said. I think the ability to hear like that was given to me because I don't have a pretty good eyesight. I also hated it when girls would try to befriend me just so they can get some perks from me - namely, the names and numbers of the guys who want to date me, or a certain air of popularity they cannot get if they are not my friends. But that popularity I have is somewhat attributed to the fact that my mom is one popular and infamous teacher at the school where I studied. I also hate it when ex-girlfriends of the guys I dated or had a relationship with would try to put me down with her friends telling them she's better than me or worst, that I'm just a slut who took her guy away from her.

And right outside the academe, when I graduated, I wasn't spared the insecurity of some girls. They would always find me too sexy for their taste, too beautiful to like, or too charming to befriend. Some girls in the corporate world tried to ruin my career, and they have tried to ruin my reputation. There's this one girl who, instead of hating me publicly, showed me and others that she likes me so much. She would always compliment my dress, my shoes, my make up and accessories. But when my back's turned, she was spreading nasty rumors to my subordinates. She tried to make herself the hero by telling them that I plan to fire a number of them for the company's sake. In the end, when I couldn't take it anymore, I left that workplace and just decided to pursue my passion - photography, video editing and anything related to media. And since then, I have decided not to enter the corporate world again. Not even with all the offers I get, I still chose to stay away from the corporate world. One of my former employer even offered me my job back, a job I resigned from because it was already too toxic for me.

My question is, when will all of these insecurities end? They won't. Just as long as I'm living in a world east of Eden, there will be a lot of girls who are not secure of who they are who will still be insecure towards me. But I know something they all should know. No living person, no material thing in this world, no amount of money or career achievement can give them the security they need. The only security one can ever have in this world comes from one man. His name is Jesus. And I know my security as a woman comes from him.

 

 

photo from Google

The Crown of Creation (A Blueprint Extended edition)

I must admit, when I heard that Victory Metroeast was having a men's meeting entitled "USAPANG LALAKE", my head thought, "Isn't that unfair? Why do the men get the chance to meet and talk about being men and women were nowhere in the picture?". So when I got to church today and saw that they were extending the BLUEPRINT series, it got me thinking, "What about Men have they not discussed yesterday as they held the Usapang Lalake meeting?" But they proved my thoughts wrong as soon as Pastor Marc Constantino walked up the stage and started to introduce the preacher for today. No, they weren't extending it for the men, but they were extending the series for the WOMEN. Thank God!

So here's the verse that is the heart of the preaching:
Genesis 2:18;20-23
¹⁸ The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
²² Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib^[c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
 ²³ The man said,
   “This is now bone of my bones
   and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
   for she was taken out of man.” 

Now here are the things I learned from the preaching:

1. We are created feminine. (Genesis 1:26-27)
-If you are a woman, you are God's idea. You are not a mere chance.
-We don't look to our dysfunctional family or cultural background to find our feminine identity.
-THERE IS NO NEED TO BE INSECURE. (This I think is one of those things that women should know by heart. There is no need to be insecure towards other women. We are created uniquely. We are created beautiful and magnificent.)
-The more feminine we become, the more manly in the Biblical way they become.

2. We are designed to be a SUITABLE HELPER. (Genesis 2:18)-Suitable means perfect fit.
-Wives, there is no suitable wife for your husband other than you. God designed your life and his to compliment and to fit each other.
- Woman is a man's source of strength and support.
-Women, as a wife, you must RESPECT your husbands and SUBMIT to his leadership. HUMBLING YOURSELF AND SUBMITTING IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS. If you have that mindset, that submitting to men means you are weak, then you are listening to the lies of the enemy right there. We become wiser when we submit to their leadership.
-The men in our lives cannot fulfill the work God has called them to do without our support and respect.
-MEN, DO NOT ALLOW YOUR WIVES TO TAKE CONTROL BY BEING PASSIVE AND IRRESPONSIBLE.
-We must show respect to all the men in our lives.
-WHEN WE RESPECT OUR MEN, THEY ARE EMPOWERED.

3. We are intended to nurture. (Genesis 3:20)
-God gave us the ability to carry inside our wombs a baby, to give birth to it after 9 months and hours of labor because God created us to nurture. Just imagine what the world would be like if all the mothers would raise their kids the right way, in the way that is proper in the Bible. Just imagine what kind of society we would have if all the mothers would nurture the next generation in a good and godly way.
²⁰ Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.

and lastly,
WOMEN ARE CREATED IN GOD'S IMAGE TO GLORIFY HIM BY FULFILLING HIS DESIGN IN OUR LIVES. 

Now here's an excerpt from the book Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery to a Woman's Soul that will add knowledge to us women:

It is nearing the end of the 6th day, the end of the Creator's great labor, as Adam steps forth, the image of God, the triumph of his work. He alone is pronounced the son of God. Nothing in Creation even comes close. Truly, the masterpiece seems complete. AND YET, the Master says that something is not good, not right. Something is missing... and that something is EVE.

And the Lord God cast a deep sleep on the human, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs and closed over the flesh where it had been, and the Lord God built the rib He had taken from the human into a woman and He brought her to the human. (Gen. 2:21-23 Alter)

She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. WOMAN. In one last flourish Creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch. Eve is... breathtaking.

Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of Creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God's final touch. She fills a place in the world and no one else can fill. 

Thus, we are the crown of creation. Sadly most women now seems to have taken for granted their worth as a woman. They SETTLE for JERKS when they should PATIENTLY WAIT for the ONE GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THEM. They let their abusive husbands beat them up like a sack of potatoes or hurl insults at them like they are worthless. Now I URGE you women, take a stand once more as the crown of creation. Do not let your worth be diminished by the world's twisted view of things. You are God's most magnificent creation, made in His image and likeness and given His emotions. Do not let the world abuse you and take way your beauty. You are, after all, the most beautiful creation God has put in the garden.

                                            (credits to the original uploader; source:Google)

<3

Hard Fought Peace

Peace, by definition, is a state of harmony characterized by the lack of violent conflict. Commonly understood as the absence of hostility, peace also suggests the existence of healthy or newly healed interpersonal or international relationships, prosperity in matters of social or economic welfare, the establishment of equality, and a working political order that serves the true interests of all. In international relations, peacetime is not only the absence of war or conflict, but also the presence of cultural and economic understanding and unity.There is also a sense of tolerance in international relations for the realization of true peace. (Source Wikipedia)

What brought about this blog I am about to write? Read this link.
(http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/video/nation/regions/10/19/11/19-killed-basilan-encounter)

For those who did not find time to read that link, let me just relate to you the content of that link. 19 Filipino soldiers were killed in an encounter in Basilan. 6 of them, if my memory serves me correctly were butchered after they were already down and gunned.

The culprit: MILF says the military.

Who are they anyway?

The MILF or the Moro Islamic Liberation Front is an Islamic group from southern Philippines who was once part of the MNLF or the Moro National Liberation Front. As of today, MILF has been charged with a lot of bombings and killings down south in Mindanao. Most recent is the "ambush" of the special forces of the Army in Basilan which killed 19 soldiers.

What are they fighting for anyway? Let's take a trip down history first for you to understand the situation.
 The MNLF was formed because of the Jabidah Massacre. Here's a brief background of what happened with the Jabidah Massacre:
In 1963, the resource-rich island of Sabah, which had been under British control since the late nineteenth-century, formally became part of the Federation of Malaysia. The Philippines, however, protested this, claiming that Sabah had never been sold to foreign interests, and that it had only been leased (padjak) by the Sulu Sultanate and therefore remained the property of the Sultan and by extension the property of Republic of the Philippines. This dispute led the-then Philippine presidents Diosdado Macapagal then later on Ferdinand Marcos to establish special military units tasked with fomenting dissent amongst Sabah's non-Malay ethnic groups, namely the Tausug and Sama, two groups closely aligned ethnically and culturally with the Bangsamoro. The code-name of this destabilization programme was "Operation Merdeka" (Operation Freedom), with Manuel Syquio as project leader and then Maj. Eduardo Abdul Latif Martelino as operations officer. The end-game of this is the annexation of Sabah to the Republic of the Philippines. The plan involved the recruitment of nearly 200 Tausug and Sama Muslims aged 18 to 30 from Sulu and Tawi-Tawi and their training in the island-town of Simunul in Tawi-Tawi. Simunul was where the Arab missionary Makhdum built the first mosque in the Philippines in the 13th century. The recruits felt giddy about the promise not only of a monthly allowance, but also over the prospect of eventually becoming a member of an elite unit in the Philippine Armed Forces. From August to December 1967, the young recruits underwent training in Simunul. The name of the commando unit: Jabidah. On December 30, 1967, 135 to 180 recruits boarded a Philippine Navy vessel for the island of Corregidor in Luzon for "specialized training." This second phase of the training turned mutinous when the recruits discovered their true mission. It struck the recruits that the plan would mean not only fighting their brother Muslims in Sabah, but also possibly killing their own Tausug and Sama relatives living there. Additionally, the recruits had already begun to feel disgruntled over the non-payment of the promised monthly stipend. The recruits then demanded to be returned home. The sole survivor of the Massacre, Jibin Arula, recounted how the young Moro recruits were taken in batches of twelve to a remote airstrip where they were executed with machine gun by their military handlers. Arula, who was wounded in the left knee, managed to attach himself to driftwood long enough to be rescued by fishermen from the nearby island of Cavite. Though there has never been an official count, the number of dead ranges from 28. As of 1980,some of the axe-bearing military trainers of jabidah were even in the active service, particularly in the 2nd Army (sep), 2nd Infantry Division of the Philippine Army wearing the Jabidah pin. (Google)

Thus, MNLF was born. And in 1981, the MILF separated from the MNLF. This new group was supposedly a more conservative one.

Why am I blogging about this? No, I AM NOT AND WILL NEVER BE AGAINST MUSLIMS. I respect their religion and beliefs even though I was once a Catholic and now I am a born-again Christian. I will never hate or generalize my statements just because they are of a different religion. For I was once, almost, became member of their religion.

Reading the news and seeing them on TV these days brought back memories of the past. Memories I would rather not relieve yet I know that whenever news down south would reach me, I would still be concerned. Not for the man I once gave my heart and soul to, but for his people. Yes, you read that right. I fell in love once, a long long time ago, with a Muslim prince. (But for the sake of the promise I gave him, I will never mention his name on any blog or online post I make.) But more than the love I felt for him, I fell in love with his people. Not because of their religion and traditions but because my heart yearns to bring them one thing that all of them yearn for - PEACE. The war and the conflict down there has long been in their lives, starting from the Moro Wars that started in the time of the Spaniards until today, when Noynoy Aquino, the second Aquino to hold office, is stating that he will not give the go signal for an all out war. 

Peace, they say, is not the absence of war. It is a state of harmony characterized by the lack of violent conflict. And peace is something that is lacking down south. Among many other things. They lack good education, a good health system, proper housing and a whole lot more of societal problems that every new set of government officials failed to address.

When God gave me the word that He is sending me to the nations and someone confirmed my visions of where He is preparing me to be sent, all I could say was, "Oh God, surely you have prepared me for this long time ago. You really made the bad things to turn into good because you have prepared my heart for this mission long before I walked in Your light." Guess where He is sending me? Yes, I am being sent to the race that will always have something against my belief. The land of hijabs and mosques. I have totally forgotten about this mission I received until recently, when the news showed the bodies of the soldiers being carried into a truck, to be taken to the hospital or the morgue. My heart cried. Not only for the soldiers, but for the people who are caught in the middle of all these. The women, elderly and children and the innocent ones who are caught in the middle of all these conflicts in Mindanao. Where's the peace? Where is the product of the so-called peace talks? I want to know. I sacrificed the love I felt for one man just so he can reach for his dreams for his people - a safe and conflict-free environment, wherein there is the presence of peace. Now that part of me is asking, where is the peace? What are we doing to bring forth peace? Please let me know. It may be a far-fetched dream for a lot of you but I know, someday, down south, there will be PEACE. Hard fought it may be, not be guns and ammunitions, but by prayers, Providence, and the desire to bring forth peace but PEACE WILL FLOURISH.

Women and Girls Should Know Their Worth.

                                                                  (Photo from Google)

On the way home tonight (Friday around 11:30PM) while I was riding the bus, I was unfortunately seated in front of a guy who talks so loud on his mobile phone. It was getting on my nerves already because it was so loud plus the fact that he was on a public vehicle yet he was chatting with someone over the phone. No, it wasn't your usual "Yeah I'm on my way home." call. It was a personal conversation between him and a girl (based on the one-sided conversation plus the slightest sound of a girl's voice that I heard). Here's a few snippets of their conversation:

Guy: "Kasasakay ko lang ng bus." (I just got into the bus.)
Girl: ... (couldn't decipher what she was saying so I'll just put ellipses on her parts)
Guy: "Eh wala na kong load eh. Paloadan mo ko." (My phone doesnt have prepaid credits left. Load me up.)
Girl: ...
Guy: "Susunduin??! Eh malayo pa nga ako jan. Pumunta ka na lang samin tapos dun na lang tayo bumili ng ice cream." (Fetch you from your house??! It's far from where I am. Just go to my place, let's just buy ice cream there.)
Girl: ...
Guy: "Eh wala na nga akong load. Loadan mo nga ako." (I dont have prepaid credits anymore. Load me up.)
Girl: ...
Guy: "Bumili ng bag tsaka tsinelas." (Bought a bag and flipflops.)
Girl: ...
Guy: "O sige na sige na pumunta ka na sa amin. Tsaka loadan mo na ko." (Okay okay go to my place. And dont forget my prepaid credits.)
--End of conversation--
P.S. I'm pretty sure the whole bus heard that.

So, the call got ended huh? Thank God I said. But wait!!!! His phone rang again. Now this time it got interesting. Here's how their conversation went:

Guy: "Hindi pa nga umaandar yung bus. Nagpupuno pa." (The bus has not moved yet. They're still waiting for passengers to fill it up.)
Girl: ...
Guy: "TANGA! Malayo pa nga ako!" (STUPID! I'm still far.)
Girl: ...
Guy: "San ka ba manggagaling?" (Where are you coming from?)
(they discussed the way to his house from where the girl was and I got lost with his directions knowing I know the places they were talking so I wont mention it here. and so for the continuation...)
Guy: LECHE!  (P.P.S. in spanish Leche means milk but in Filipino it's something foul.)
Girl: ...
Guy: "Sinabi ngang pumunta ka na lang sa min pauwi na ko." (Told you just go to my place, I'm on my way home already.)
Girl: ...
Guy: Oy yung load ko! (Don't forget my prepaid credits.)
--End of conversation--

In their earlier conversation, I was just annoyed because it was TOO loud. On their second phone call, my annoyance turned into DISGUST and ANGER. Anger that is not in a rage kind of way. Why? Let me repeat the words that turned my annoyance to disgust and anger.

(1ST) Guy: "TANGA! Malayo pa nga ako!" (STUPID! I'm still far.)
(2ND) Guy: LECHE!
(3RD) Guy: "Sinabi ngang pumunta ka na lang sa min pauwi na ko." (Told you just go to my place, I'm on my way home already.)

I wouldn't have minded had it been a buddy of his that he was talking to. A guy buddy for that matter. They can be foul-mouthed for all I care. What pissed me off is the fact that HE WAS TALKING TO A GIRL. But what enraged me more is the fact that the girl just seems to take it all in. She even agreed to go to his house.

I can still the remember the last time (I think it was the only time) that someone said curse words and foul words towards me. Oh and yeah he is a guy who got hurt because I chose another guy over him. He sent those words to me via text messaging and boy! my anger hit the two hundred percent mark. I wanted to go to where he was at that time and just punch the hell out of him.  Thank God i did not pick him right? Now going back to this guy and girl talking. For all I care right? He's not my friend nor acquaintance and so is the girl. They are totally strangers to me and yes I shouldn't bother with their affairs. But let me give my 2 cents on that certain topic both for BOYS and GUYS and for GIRLS.

BOYS and GUYS:
Wondered why I used 2 nouns for you? Because there are 3 types of male on this world- one is a BOY who acts like a child when he is no longer one, another is a GUY who thinks he is man enough yet he still crosses the line between MANHOOD and being just a boy, and my favorite type of male, the MAN who knows how to be a man in the real sense of it and respects everyone most especially women and the elderly. So for you BOYS and GUYS, let me give you a piece of my mind. NEVER EVER TALK TO A GIRL LIKE THAT. NEVER EVER CURSE AT HER. NEVER CALL HER STUPID, MORON, ILLITERATE, DUMB OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT IS IN THE DICTIONARY THAT YOU WANT TO CALL HER TO SIMPLY IMPLY THAT SHE HAS NO BRAINS OR COMMON SENSE. AND NEVER EVER LET HER TRAVEL LATE AT NIGHT FROM HER PLACE TO YOUR PLACE WITHOUT YOU PICKING HER UP FROM HER PLACE IF THERE IS REALLY A NEED TO SEE HER.

GIRLS:
Instead of using the noun WOMAN, I opted to use the noun GIRLS. Sadly, a lot from the female population does not know their real worth. So for these girls, here's a piece of my mind. NEVER EVER LET A BOY TRASH TALK YOU. NEVER EVER LET HIM CURSE YOU OR CALL YOU STUPID, MORON, ILLITERATE, DUMB OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT IS IN HIS DICTIONARY THAT HE WANTS TO CALL YOU TO SIMPLY IMPLY THAT YOU HAVE NO BRAINS OR COMMON SENSE. YOU ARE NOT THAT. YOU HAVE BRAINS AND YOU HAVE COMMON SENSE. NEVER EVER LET HIM HIT YOU TOO. AND PLEASE, LET THE GUY PICK YOU UP WHEREVER YOU ARE AT NIGHT BECAUSE THE WORLD IS NOT SAFE ANYMORE.  AND NEVER GO TO HIS PLACE AT NIGHT WHEN YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS TO BE THERE. IF YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK, LET HIM COME TO WHERE YOU ARE.


KNOW YOUR WORTH.
:D

No Other Woman

here's my reaction to latest Tagalog movie that people are talking about. Starring Derek Ramsey, Christine Reyes and Anne Curtis, the movie is entitled No Other Woman. (P.S. There's a 1933 movie of the same title with the same lesson: Success does not bring Happiness.)

"No Other Woman" is a story about an extramarital affair and stars Anne Curtis, Cristine Reyes and Derek Ramsay. Curtis plays the role of Kara Zalderiaga, a beautiful socialite. Although she has many boyfriends, she is emotionally detached to love while Ramsay plays the role of Ram Escaler, a dedicated husband to Reyes' character Charmaine Escaler. (Yahoo.com)

Since I think most of you have seen the movie, I wont discuss much of it. What I'll be blogging is my take on a few things, most especially the lines of the film. Here goes my 2 cents about the movie.

KARA (Anne Curtis)
She portrays THE other woman. Beautiful, rich, schooled in New York, liberated. She doesnt believe in love... Until she met Ram who is unfortunately married. Here are a few of her lines and my take on them.

“You will only be called a mistress when there’s an emotional attachment. I’m not a mistress."
*It does not matter whether or not there is an emotional attachment. The mere fact that something is happening between her and a married man is already considered cheating and she is already considered a mistress.

“You can call me whatever you want,SNAKE, BITCH or OTHER WOMAN, but I promise you,
I will never be a PATHETIC and BORING housewife."
*She called Christine's character a pathetic and boring wife. I might say yes Christine was somewhat boring as a wife because she's a plain housewife who's only got stitching and yoga as her hobby. She dresses plainly and dresses up in the same way everyday. In a way, Christine forgot to cultivate the moment she got married. Being married does not give any woman the license to dress sloppily and to be plain and boring. It is not for the husband that the wife should dress up, but it should be for her own confidence. Men would love to see their wives dress up and be all made up once in a while.

“Paano mo naman malalaman na masarap pala pag di mo titikman?
Kahit alam mong bawal, labanan mo cos’ eventually your body will just get used to it."
* We dont have to try everything to know what's right and what's not. The bible has a set of commands we should follow because the One who created those commandments know better than us. And one of those commandments is "Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife." and in this case, thy neighbor's husband.

CHARMAINE (Christine Reyes)
She is the wife of the lead guy. She came from a nouvo riche family. Plain Jane.

“Ayoko na! Ayoko na! Alam ko naman eh, ang sakit lang, ang sakit sakit lang
nung marinig ko. Hindi ko dapat ginagawa to pero ginagawa ko to dahil mahal na mahal kita!

*She was trying to be all dolled up and sexy and pretty because she was trying to compete with Kara. What's wrong with this is that she was doing it for another person, not for herself. A woman should beautify herself not for her husband or for any other human but for herself. Fixing up one's physical appearance would help boost a woman's confidence in herself thus she would not feel insecure and inadequate.

Here is another character's line:

 “Ang mundo ay isang malaking Quiapo, maraming snatcher, maagawan ka, lumaban ka!"

*It's true. There are a lot of women out there who would do everything to get something that is already taken. Someone who is already committed. And vice versa. There are a lot of men out there who would do everything to get something they can't have. 

As a whole, here's something that you guys should ponder on. MARRIAGES NOT FULLY SURRENDERED TO GOD IS REALLY BOUND TO FAIL. TEMPTATIONS AND PROBLEMS WILL REALLY EAT UP THE FOUNDATION IF THE FOUNDATION IS NOT GOD. A HUSBAND WHO IS A MAN WHOSE HEART IS FULLY SURRENDERED TO GOD WILL NOT CHEAT ON HIS WIFE BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT HIS WIFE IS A GIFT FROM GOD AND THAT HE WAS GIVEN THE COMMAND TO LOVE HIS WIFE AS CHRIST LOVES HIS CHURCH. AND THAT WAS AN UNCONDITIONAL, GENEROUS AND FAITHFUL LOVE. 

:D

28 things I learned from Jeremy

He was born Paul Jeremy Sauza De Vela Ocampo Cruz on September 22, 1983, a Thursday. Now 28 years after, he is with me and soon to be my husband. Here are 28 things I learned from him for the past 9 months (almost!) we've been together.

1. LORDSHIP. A relationship that is not centered on God and is not under His Lordship is bound to fail. Ours almost did but thanks to the grace of God it did not. God's promise that "What I have opened, no man can close." still stands.

2. DISCIPLESHIP. His relationship with his mentor, Jam Capistrano, never fails to amaze me. They've gone from mere disciple and discipler to brothers. Their relationship inspires me to disciple girls in the same way that they do it. Relational.

3. I AM FRAGILE. I have always thought I am strong, stubborn and independent. Until he came. He taught me how fragile I can be and that I need someone to be there to protect me. He taught me that God designed it that way not for me to rely on Jeremy but for me to rely to God.

4. I DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING. With an Intel i7 of a brain, I've always thought I knew everything. But he taught me that I did not. Yes, I know a lot, but the fact remains that I don't know everything. Hard it is to say, but I'll admit there are things that I dont know of that he knows better than I do.

5. IT IS NOT ONLY WOMEN WHO HAS INTUITION. MEN HAS THAT TOO. Well, I hate it when he's right. Most especially if it's about the men in my life. I used to argue with him when he tells me that a certain friend of mine has feelings for me, only to eat up what I said when the time comes that that guy tells me he likes me.

6. TAMING THE TONGUE. I can really say nasty words whenever I get pissed off or mad. And when I have uttered those words, he gets hurt. Thanks to God's grace and to Jeremy for rebuking me with love, I've been better at holding my tongue.

7. MANIPULATIVE ME. Oh yes you read that right. I am manipulative. Or I tend to be one. That's what he made me realized that day he almost left. Almost. Among all the guys I've been with, no one really bothered enough to tell me what's wrong with me and I almost made a mess of our relationship because I did not know I had those things with me. Most of these guys are either too weak for me or they are a better manipulator than me. Again, thanks to God's grace and Jeremy's love for me, I've been more conscious of my words and actions so that I won't be manipulative towards him again.

8. RESPECT. Respect is the number one need of men. For women it's love. When men feels disrespected, they unconsciously make us feel unloved. Then the cycle goes on and on.

9. HEALING STARTS WITH GOING TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM. We cannot solve our problems by just patching up the wound every time we fight. We must tackle it from the root cause.

10. SPENDING TIME WITH GOD IS ESSENTIAL. He noticed that everytime I don't spend time reading the Word and talking to God, my temper just goes off so easily. Since then, I've made it a point to spend time with God even if I am already too tired to do so before I sleep.

11. PRAYER REALLY DOES MAKE MIRACLES. He made it a point to pray for me everyday in the morning when he knows I'm still asleep so that my day would be spared from hurtful words and waking up to the kind of noise I hate so much. Thank God, every time he prays for me, not a single hurtful word comes my way for that day.

12. HE'S A BETTER PHOTOGRAPHER THAN ME, BUT HE SAYS I'M BETTER WITH CREATIVE SHOTS. Okay okay I admit, he is far better in photography than me. He knows the technical terms while I shoot using my feelings. And mind you, I learned some techniques from him! :D

13. WORSHIPING AND PERFORMING SHOULDN'T BE DONE AT THE SAME TIME ON A CHURCH SERVICE. Sad to say, there are a lot of young musicians who volunteer for the music team who doesnt know the difference of worshiping and performing on stage a worship service. They play all the grooves they know, all the guitar riffs they know, use all the effects they have on their guitars just so they'll be called good but they dont realize that they dont play for themselves. they play for God. it's not about them, it's all about God. "mga Kuya, wala kayo sa gig para magpasikat. Nasa stage kayo to lead God's people into worship."

14. GALUNGGONG IS EDIBLE. I don't eat galunggong, haven't really eaten that in my entire life until he came! He taught me that I'll not die and I'll survive if I eat galunggong. And my verdict of it is, well okay. :D

15. WE SHOULD NEVER STOP BELIEVING FOR THE SALVATION OF OUR FAMILY. He prayed for his dad's salvation and one day, his dad just genuinely accepted Christ as His Lord and Savior.

16. WE SHOULD BE CAREFUL WITH OUR ONLINE POSTS. After all that fiasco with the ex, we were both mindful now of what we post on Facebook. Even if it doesnt have anything to do with the ex, we try hard not to post it or atleast phrase it in a way that the ex would not think that it is for her.

17. HE MAY HATE MY PAST BUT HE WILL NEVER HATE ME. That's what he made me feel when I told him everything he should know about me and about my past. He hated the things I did but he never made me feel like he hated me. More so, he made me feel that he loves me more because I told him all about it.

18. I SHOULDN'T GET MAD AT HIM FOR THE THINGS OTHERS DO FOR HIM OR TO HIM. For example, an ex of him does something and it really offended me. He made me realize that I should not take it against him because he cannot control the actions of that person. The next time it happened, I had a hard time controlling my tongue yet by God's grace I was able not to make him feel like I was mad at him or something. Yes I was mad at the ex but not towards him.

19. HE WILL ALWAYS STAY. Everytime doubt enters my heart, he would always make me feel like he's meant to stay and that will never change. He made me realize that he is not like the guys in my past. He chose to stay and he always will.

20. I CAN GET ANYWHERE WITHOUT TAKING A CAB. I've always thought that the only way to Eastwood, Robinsons Metroeast or to their house in Vista Verde from Robinsons Galleria is by taking a cab. He taught me otherwise. Now I know how to commute from those places to anywhere without difficulty.

21. KEEPING SECRETS IS NOT GOOD. We both learned that the hard way. He was keeping something from me about his ex and the talk they had after they broke up a long time ago. I was keeping something from him about my friend JC. But even before we admitted to each other those things, we were both having feelings that the other one is keeping something. And when I already told him about JC, he got so mad he wasnt able to keep his tongue. Since then i promised myself I will tell him everything that is happening even if I knw he'll just get mad.

22. THERE IS ALWAYS TWO SIDES OF A STORY. OR MAYBE 3. My story, his story, and the truth. And somewhere along the way, each version becomes a mess.

23. OVERLOOK. OVERSEE. OVERWHELM. If it's just a petty thing, overlook. If it's not worth fighting over, don't.

24. I SHOULD WEAR VANS OR SNEAKERS AGAIN. It's been a while since the last time I've worn sneakers because most of the guys I've been with before prefer girls who are girly girly and prim and proper wearing all that heels and girly tops. Dont get me wrong, I love dressing up and wearing heels. It's just that sometimes, I crave for the comfort of a sneakers. And mind you, he prefers seeing me with my vans rather than with my heels. Oh what a relief! :D

25. I CAN BE A KID. I cant remember the last time I've loosen up before I met him. I've always been Miss-Prim-and-Proper-won't-be-caught-goofing-around-in-public. But he changed that. I found myself making faces in photos, making weird dances while seated in public transportation, or just plainly act like a kid. I even gave in to the desire to have a piggy-back ride in public! :D

26. MY SATISFACTION AND CONTENTMENT WILL NEVER RELY ON HIM. Only GOD can fill me up and content me.

27. WHOLEHEARTED LOVE. He taught me how to love wholeheartedly. And I am glad that I have never loved anyone as much as I love him. He will be my last, and the one I will love the most.

28. THIS TIME THIS IS FOR REAL. HE LOVES ME MORE THAN HE EVER LOVED ANYONE AND HE WILL NOT LOVE ANY ONE AS MUCH AS HE LOVES ME. Mind you, there are times I doubt that. But whenever I look back at the way our lives have turned out, I know in my heart that when he said that, it is true. And it is for real this time. A lot of guys may have said those words to me before but he made me realize that this time, a guy meant it and he's the only one who was meant to stay.

Belated Happy Birthday to my dearest God's best! I love you much! I pray that you will continue to grow to be the man God wants you to be - a man always after His heart!

P.S. I was only able to blog about this today because we had a busy time last week celebrating his birthday.

Coming Home...

I was away from church for almost a month thanks to my mom's operation. I needed to stay with her and to take care of her but I miss my church family so much. I miss attending services, activities and Victory groups. And so today, TUESDAY, I decided to attend the midweek service at church because my mom can somehow manage to move around the house on her own. While I was on the jeep going to the bus station, I decided to put my iPod on and it played More than Amazing by Lincoln Brewster. Halfway thru the song, I felt tears forming on my eyes so I sent Jeremy a text message saying, "Miss lang ba talaga ko ni God o miss ko lang talaga Siya kaya ako umiiyak?" ("Does God really just miss me or do I just miss Him that's why I'm crying?") He replied, "Both babe. He misses you a lot. :)" which made my eyes more wet.

When I was already near Ortigas, when my eyes can finally see the tall buildings that can be seen from afar, my eyes began to get watery again. It felt like I worked abroad and I am now traveling home. I told myself, "I'm home!" It was a different feeling altogether. I was having mixed emotions like happiness that I'm finally able to attend church and go see my spiritual family but I was also anxious to go because I kept asking myself, "What if nobody missed me?" to which I picture getting a disapproving look from God. The moment I got off from the shuttle service I was in, I was half-running, half-walking as I made my way to Galleria. When I finally saw the entrance, I got so emotional I almost let the tears run down my cheeks. Literally. I was that happy and excited.

When I got inside, I went straight to my favorite ice cream kiosk to buy a popsicle for the pregnant wife of Kuya Mike Manahan, the ever beautiful and kind Ate Marielle. She was craving for it and I decided to surprise her with one. I went to her office and gave her the popsicle. Gave one to Kuya Mike as well for he was the one who told me about the popsicle craving of his wife. When we left the office, they invited me and Jeremy to dinner and we had dinner at Rai Rai Ken because the preggy wife is craving for noodles. So there we were, having dinner and having a wonderful conversation about us, relationships, and of course, God. I feel so blessed to have spent that time with them. They are such a sweet and nice couple and Jeremy and I just felt so blessed to learn things about marriage from them. When it was time to attend the service, Jeremy and I were a bit sad because we were enjoying the fellowship we didn't want to leave just yet. But hey, first things first right? So we went to the center and lo and behold, one of my favorite worship leaders was leading worship. Kuya Jam. When he started playing the song TODAY IS THE DAY, the tears I was holding in since the moment I was in the jeepney just started to pour out. I couldnt contain them anymore. Tears of joy were running down my cheeks. I was having a blast praising God that I just couldnt contain the tears anymore. Yes, today was the day He welcomed me back in His home. Next song was BEAUTIFUL LORD, a song that's on a print out I always put on my work desk when I was still working for the corporate world. When I was singing that song on my own little corner of the center, I felt a warm feeling envelope me and heard the most wonderful words I have heard these days. "Welcome home, My daughter, My princess." Oh yes, the King of Kings welcomed me back in His home. I know He missed me. I missed Him too. So much. When I heard those words, I just broke down. I pictured myself as the prodigal daughter running towards the father who is waiting with arms wide open. That is how loving God is.  I didnt deserve all the blessings He gave me and He even went so much as to give me His one and only Son to pay for my sins on the cross. He just loves the lost so much that He would go out of His way just to sacrifice His only begotten Son on that cross on calvary just for us to be able to get closer to Him so He can show us His love and mercy.

"Welcome home, My daughter, My princess." Oh yes God, I'm home! I'm back. And I hope I wont be far away from Your home and family for such a long time again. Thank You so much for the wonderful things You have given me. Also for the prunings, and the bad things that was thrown my way. They made me realize how powerful You are, how merciful You are, and how loving You are.

You are AMAZING. More than AMAZING. :D

                                                                  (photo from google)




<3

an email to my baby months ago

Just posting an email I sent to my baby months ago... :D

hi baby!

i know you are hard at work right now and there seems to be so much to do there. but let me steal a moment of your time so you can read this email. dont be nervous im not going to break up with you. not via email atleast. joke! im never breaking up with you. :D

you remember you would ask yourself why you are so sensitive towards me about a lot of things? i think i kinda know why. you see, i was in your position so many times before. i've been the sensitive one, the needy one, the clingy one in those relationships where i didnt really feel loved as much as i hoped for. those times i prayed to God that i want the time to come that someone would be sensitive to my needs and wants, that someone who would be needy towards me, someone that would be clingy to me. lo and behold, i got you. you do to me the things i used to do to those who didnt really made an effort to make me feel loved inspite of me giving my all. yes, i got an answered prayer and that's you. but most of the time, i feel like im being unfair to you. i wanted someone so much that would do to me as i used to do to others that i tend to forget that you deserve my all more than anyone of them. i was too lost in the notion that i needed to feel the things i have not felt that i couldnt open my eyes to the posibility of me doing those things again. i felt like im doing things on a minimal level, scared that if i will go on a full throttle, i might crash and burn. unfair aint i? i just want to say sorry that it took me all these months to realize this. forgive me for not giving as much as you want. but it did not mean i loved you less than any one of them. its just that the efforts were lacking.

it also dawned on me these past few days why i would always get mad whenever you would try to control me and change me. its not that you really did it. its just that most times, it felt like you were doing so. you wanted me to lessen this and that, to be more like this and that. i never wanted to be controlled because it never really dawned on me what it truly means to love someone and be loved as much in return. you know that most of those guys did not really love me as much as you do so most of them did not really care enough to put me in my right position and to tell me when im already being a pain in the ass. but you do, and most of the time, i tend to look at it as a nagging need to change me. forgive me for feeling those things? please do. it was only this week that i felt like changing for you is not a burden but a delight. it started when i went to the fort, met with gelo and did not even bother to give him a bear hug like we used to do. it surprised me yes, not only because i did not hear any reminder from you not to be too touchy when you know that il be meeting up with a good guy friend, but also because it felt like something i voluntarily did.

i hope in time i get to be what i really should be for you, without feeling pressured to do so. i hope i get to be able to take care of our relationship pretty well so that someday, when our ghosts and skeletons in the closet came running after us, we wouldnt give up the relationship we built not only for us but for the sake of our kids.

i love you so much... much more than life itself. you taught me how to really love, and you made me feel loved in its fullest extent. i love you, i know you know this already but i will never get tired of saying that to you. you are my God's best, my soulmate, my bestfriend, my husband to be, my answered prayer, my love.

sige na go back to work na. :D

Going Back to January...

Ever since I became a Christian, I've always looked forward to January because I'm so excited for the annual Prayer and Fasting at church. Last year, I had a very wonderful time seeking God and hearing from Him answers to my prayers. And last year, He answered all my prayer goals. This year, I was so excited to seek Him. Until...

I got a call from someone. He told me that the baby I was helping, the one I was raising funds for, died already. That time I got the information, I went numb. I was shocked. Speechless. How can the baby die if the group I left was able to raise half the amount needed? I tried to answer the questions on my mind but there are no answers I can think of. All I can think of was I was a failure as a leader. I led the team to raise funds yet when we were nearing the project's end, I dropped out of it. I was already losing faith that we were able to get the amount needed and the head of the mission team told me we need to hustle up. If there's a need not to sleep just so we can finish it, we should he said. But I know I cannot do that. At that time, I recently resigned from a workplace that I consider an extension of hell on earth, and my finances arent really that good. I would go to our every week activity with only 200 pesos in my pocket. 150 pesos from that amount is how much my fare is from home to the place then back home. So that left me with just 50 pesos for food. Those times, I experienced eating at odd places in Makati just so I can budget my remaining money. When I couldnt take it all anymore, I sat down one day and just talked (ranted) and prayed to God. I cant remember the exact Bible verse He gave me but he told me to stop and trust His power. So I decided to stop, drop out from the project and just do the best I can do at that time - intercede for the baby and the project. People told me back then that the general rule in saving other people is to save yourself first. You cannot help others if you are in danger. And at that time, I know my health and my pocket is already at risk.

When I found out that the baby died, I couldnt help but blame myself. Had I not drop out the mission, he would have been able to go to Taiwan to have his operation. We would have sent him there complete with all the funds they need. And the cranes we made for him would have been waiting for him when he gets home. But the cranes would no longer wait for someone. The little angel that was my reason to wake up every everyday from July to October is no longer on earth.

I BLAMED MYSELF. And I QUESTIONED GOD. And up to now, I still dont know why the baby died. I still dont know if it was really God who told me to stop and drop the mission because He wants me to focus on Him because I've been neglecting quiet times with Him those days that I would be focused on the fundraising. Or was it just my inner self telling me that I was already burnt out from the mission, Ian's constant nagging about me not doing enough, and my depressing lack of finances that time.

Six months after, tonight, a good friend of mine crossed my mind and I had the urge to check his facebook wall. He helped with the fundraising by the way. He was always there every week to play the piano for the guests. When I saw his wall, I found out that he died already last January. That fact told me that I lost two people close to me that month. After finding out that he died, the baby crossed my mind and I searched for his mom's name on facebook. That's when I came across an article about her and the baby. http://globalbalita.com/2011/why-did-pcso-let-11-month-old-boy-die-by-refusing-to-give-the-pledge-for-liver-transplant/

The article answered my questions about the baby's death. But still a part of me thinks I have not done enough for him and for his mother. And the feelings I felt that day that I found out that the baby's dead came back creeping inside me, my heart breaking for the mom and for the little angel who was not able to see how life can be so good. Do I still question God? I dont know. Maybe I still do. But there are things about God that I will never really understand and that He will never really make sense at all times but all I can do now is to wait for my turn to get to heaven and ask Him, "God, why did you take Raphael away from his mom?"

To baby Raphael, I'm sorry for leaving the mission so abruptly. I wasnt even able to say goodbye. I'll see you when I get to heaven okay? I know right now, you're looking after your mom as her new angel. Again, I'm sorry I wasnt able to get you to Taiwan for your operation. I'm really sorry.

The Cinderella Complex

(because of the most recent controversy involving my blogs, let me just say this again and again, my blogs are not about a certain person. my blogs are a mirror of my everyday dealing with different people. Girls who are in the wrong relationships, girls who cant move on, girls who cannot let go of relationships that should have been let go. There are a whole lot of other girls in my web of life and my blogs shouldnt be focused on one alone. Given that I have blogged about her once to stop the rumors involving the 2 of us, the most controversial one I should say, it shouldnt mean that everything is always about her after that. just a disclaimer for everyone. oh and for that, i dont think I deserve to be called a JERK by one of her friends. besides, JERK is a term for men, not for women.)

Late 2008, while I was on the phone with comedian Tado Jimenez, he mentioned the term Cinderella Complex. Upon Google-ing information about the term Cinderella Complex, I decided to have that for my college thesis. I was a Mass Communication student and at first my professors were doubtful of how I will include a psychological term on a thesis for Mass Communication. But we pulled it off (I've got 2 teammates, Sunshine and Erika). The title of our thesis was, The Effects of Television Programs on the Cinderella Complex of Women ages 17-21.

Now years after I have read the book by Colette Dowling, researching about the said complex, making surveys and writing the conclusion based on every document that we found, here I am writing about the Cinderella Complex again. This time, to retract my thoughts about the thesis basing my thoughts this time from the Bible.

The Cinderella Complex - The Cinderella complex was first described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book on women's fear of independence, as an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others, based primarily on a fear of being independent. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grows older.

Colette Dowling attempts to define women as being motivated by an unconscious desire to be taken care of as a fear of independence termed "Cinderella complex". An important aspect of the work can be defined as identifying an aspect of a larger phenomenon as to why women choose to stay in dysfunctional relationships.

This phenomenon can be defined as a syndrome characterized by a series of specific motivations or causes. Dowling identifies only one motivation, while the syndrome is in fact a combination of many motivations, which are in themselves characteristics that make up a complex.

The term syndrome has been largely used to define conditions apparent in medicine. However, in recent decades the term has been used outside of medicine to refer to a combination of phenomena seen in association.

I would want to share my conversations via email with the author herself Colette Dowling but I have lost accessed with my email account because the thief who stole my iPod Touch changed my password and I have not gained access to it anymore. In that thread of email, she explained further the complex that she authored. So despite of my want to give you her side of the spectrum, you're stuck with information straight from the internet, and not from the author herself.

Before we go to the main topic which is the complex itself, let us find out first about the character from whom the complex was named after. Who is she?

Cinderella. She is from a folk tale embodying a myth-element of unjust oppression/triumphant reward. Thousands of variants are known throughout the world. The title character is a young woman living in unfortunate circumstances that are suddenly changed to remarkable fortune. The word "Cinderella" has, by analogy, come to mean one whose attributes are unrecognized, or one who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect.

There are many versions of Cinderella, or should I say, Cinderella was derived from different stories around the globe but only 3 are popular versions of it. Cenerentola, Cinderella and Aschenputtel.  The most popular is Charles Perrault's version which is the one adapted by Disney for their Cinderella movie. 

Now that we have defined the complex and the main character, let's discuss the complex.

The Cinderella complex can be simplified as the FEAR OF INDEPENDENCE. Psychology says women have the strong NEED to be SAVED. We women have always been tagged as DAMSELS in DISTRESS and that we need a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR to come and save us. This need goes two ways. For some women, they tend to be so needy, so clingy, so emotional, and so fragile. But for some women, they would opt for the other side of the spectrum. They would tend to be too strong, too stiff, too caught up in work that they have no time to socialize, too legalistic about things, and simply too much to handle for the people around them. But do not be fooled by these women says Dowling. They are not really who they are. On the inside, they are trying to hide their need to be taken care of, the fear to be independent. 


On my thesis, based on the surveys, the TV programs (telenobelas to be exact, the likes of Pangako Sa'yo, Marimar, Mula Sa Puso etc.) are nurturing the need of women for a savior. For someone to come and carry them off to paradise so that they wont have to face their problems anymore. Most of our respondents are wishing for an Angelo Buenavista(Pangako Sayo lead role portrayed by Jericho Rosales) to come in a red car, sweep them off their feet and fight for his love for them. Or for a Fernando Jose to get them out of their misery and marry them. Most of our respondents are wishing for a fairy tale romance. One wherein they would be saved.


What was sad about the result of that survey is that most young women, those studying in the University Belt area, would rather stick in dysfunctional and abusive relationships just because they are hoping that these men will be able to someday save them.


When we were done with the thesis, I have concluded that TV shows have really nurtured that need and women who feed off from these TV shows are really not helping themselves and their Cinderella complex. Back then, I was for the eradication of the complex. I did not want women suffering from this complex because for me, women should never be fearful of being independent, of being free and that they should never count on someone to save them.


But guess what, a year after I have closed the book on Cinderella complex, my hands found another book and my eyes could not stop from reading the words on that book. It is entitled Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's soul. (I have blogged about it before you can check my blog Are You Beautiful? for further details.) I found out that the so-called Cinderella complex that Dowling wrote about is rooted deep within ever woman's heart not because it should be a weakness but because the need to be saved is part of a something greater.


A woman's heart is a portion of God's. In it, He placed a part of Himself while a part of Himself, he also put into man. The book Captivating says there is a longing in every woman's heart to be saved, to be rescued. In the book Wild at Heart by the same author, it says that in every man's heart is the need to save and rescue the princess. Both of these needs are from God. The need in a man is a mirror of who God is. He longs to save us, to rescue us and just to take care of us. He loves us that much. The need in a woman's heart is a mirror of another side of God, the one that wants us to search for Him, to seek Him and to be longed for by us. 


So am I still for the eradication of the Cinderella complex? No. There is no need to eradicate that need in women. We just have to have our needs filled up by the one true source of everything - God. He placed that need and longing in our hearts so that we will always seek Him, search for Him and love Him all of our days. 


Jeremiah 29:13-14
¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.^[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”